See You
by DoctorWand
Summary: Takes place during End of Time, right after the Doctor goes to see Rose a last time. A story about love redemption and finding it in your heart to forgive. It will not be an instant 'oh, I love you' story. Relationships take time to build and trust has to be earned. He's lost her twice now; once by accident and the second on purpose. It's a long road to love.
1. Chapter 1

**I want to thank TheBigCat for betaing this for me i am great with the writing but the grammer and spacing i have probs with so big thank you. this story takes place at the end of time part 2. right after the doctor go's to see Rose a last time. a story about love redemption and finding it in your heart to forgive. it will not be an instant oh i love you story relationships take time to build and trust has to be earned. hes lost her twice now once by accident and the second on purpose. its a long road to love. so hears the first chapter of See you**

He stood by the door as he watched her run up the stairs; the words see you still playing in his head. If only she knew that he would be seeing her again. But not this him. Not for a while yet. He was done, he knew it, and the Ood standing in front of him knew it too. He had said his goodbyes, saving her for last.

He had not meant to make a noise, but the pain hit him when he was not expecting it. But then she had turned and he had to speak. How could he not? If he had to go, well, her voice would be the last thing he wanted to hear. He knew she was happy in the other world- Pete's World- with his metacrisis self. He could grow old with her, tell her the words he never could say because she would wither and die. He wished them well. By now, they were traveling; learning the worlds of that world, seeing a different sky than the one above him.

He did not want to go on.

He could stop and just let the cycle end; not make it back to the TARDIS. He thought about it for a moment but could not do it. It would cheapen all that he had become and what she had made him- more than that, what he believed.

So he entered his ship, his friend. He ran his hands along the console, over the jump seat, along the coral struts, reliving all the memories. He walked along the grating to the spot where they laughed on the floor after a bad landing. It was not fair, this was not fair. Would he have given it up if he had known how bad it was going to hurt?

Well…

He might have. But that meant he would never have seen her smile, that tongue-in-teeth smile. He would have never seen her beautiful eyes light up when she laughed or fill with tears when it became too much. No, he could have never given that up.

He missed her. First the void had taken her from him, then she had found her way back, crossing many universes to find him, to help him. Then the pain of losing her again just hours later when he left her back in Norway in another universe, because his other self needed watching. Oh, his Rose, how he missed her. Maybe with the new regeneration the pain would ease.

It was time now; he could put it off no longer. The golden Light was getting stronger and stronger. This was gonna be one hell of a regeneration.

Allons-y, Rose Tyler, was his last thought as the light started to take over. His arms were outstretched, his neck arched back. The light shooting through it all stopped as quickly as it had begun. But how? What was going on?

He was still him- two arms, two legs. He ran his hands up- great hair, sideburns, mole in the centre of his back- still there. How was he still him? He looked around and saw- no it couldn't be. Must be a mirror- or he had gone crazy? It was bound to happen one day.

But there, standing in front of him, was… well, him. A slightly older-looking him, but him all the same. The him he had left with Rose a year before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to TheBigCat who did all the editing for me i am rubbish at it and she makes my story so much better to read. please leave a review.**

"Hello me, Hello Tardis, Hello me," grinned the new Doctor, spinning around the console.

"…hello…" the Doctor mumbled back weakly, still confused- a feeling he did not much like.

"You want to know why I'm here, and how you're not a new new Doctor."

"How did you-?"

"I'm you and you're me- all very wibbly-wobbly and such."

"Well, yeah. But still- why?"

"Well, that's a question for the ages. Why anything? Why everything?" The other Doctor paused. "But the why you want to know is a very simple why, isn't it? Or should I say, who? And I suppose the answer to that is Rose Tyler."

The Doctor felt his hearts seize upon hearing her name out loud again and spoken in his own voice. But this voice held not the slightest hint of longing or love, the eyes not a glint of affection of the name. Nothing but mild amusement at his reaction. "You see, you made a mistake that day in Norway. You gave her to me- or me to her. Never figured that one out… anyhow. Rose did not want me. Sure, she kissed me, but I think that was to hurt you more than anything. Hurt you for not saying what you felt- what we both know you felt. I felt it to in my head… but my heart. Oh, my heart did not feel it. Not enough, not nearly enough for it to mean anything. After all, Donna got your brain and I got Donna's heart and her heart felt nothing but great friendship for you. I think like you and look like you but really I'm not you. Donna and Rose both knew it.

"She tried to be happy, to have me back as a friend, told me the kiss meant nothing, just a heat of the moment thing. But you should know she stood on that beach for days, tears and sobs wracking her body till she passed out from it all. She was convinced you would come back but you never did. She Picked up the pieces, she had to though she wanted it to end. I spent months talking her out of it. She was close so, so many times. She wanted it to end just like you did. But it was thoughts of you that kept her going; thoughts of what you would have done if you had seen her like this. So she picked herself up and carried on. But her heart was dead, locked up tight and at night her screams would wake the house and her sobs would put her back to sleep.

"This is what you did to her. What you did to me was bad about as bad as you could get. I lived but just for a few years I was never meant to last long- I was, after all, born for battle and blood and revenge. And my body could not take it. It shut down slowly and painfully never fully healing. It needed to regenerate to a new man once the rage began to ebb, but it couldn't. My heart could not take it and my brain couldn't either. So I died, leaving her a third time even if I was only half-Doctor and only her friend. You left me there thinking we would live a long and happy life and that I could give Rose everything you could not, because you were to good and too kind to take what you wanted you knew it would hurt too much to watch her decay. So you left her and then I left her and then everything that made Rose left her. She is nothing but a shell of what she used to be we did that to her.

"I tell you this to hurt you because I am still part Donna, spaceman and somebody needs to knock some sense into you. Donna did that fantastically. She was brilliant. I want you to hurt because it's so very human and hurting and pain make you stronger, make you better. They allow you not to make the same mistakes.

"But ultimately I am here to give you a second chance- to give Rose a last chance-because she deserves it. You, I don't know about but her- well, she needs it. So I stopped the change from occurring- don't ask me how, I don't know. I'm dead, after all. But your story is not done yet- and neither is hers. I can bring her on board but the rest will be up to you. What you choose to do with the gift I give you both is your choice. But know that if I bring her on board there is no going back for you or her. She will lose her family; her few friends. But she will have you and that's all she ever really wanted. The choice is yours to make and yours alone, you must tell me what you want. We are frozen in a moment in time and that's never good because time is always meant to be flowing and changing. But once your decision is voiced, time will catch up again and the world will right itself. However, you must choose soon. Whatever your decision may be. Choose wisely for you will only choose once.

"Continue to regenerate or choose Rose. It's in your hands."


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again thanks to TheBigCat for being a great Beta for me. please drop me a review I would love to know what some of you readers are thinking I want your feedback. It makes me hungry to write more for you guys and I promise you drop me a few more Reviews I will post the next chapter it ready to go. well cheers to chapter 3.**

He stood there, gaping like a fish at everything the other him was saying. He was dead and Rose may as well be dead from what the other Doctor was describing. His Rose Tyler, the strongest women he knew, was not her anymore.

She was more like him now, full of sadness and pain. He had done that to her, made her want to end her life. The other him had failed to give her the life she deserved; the house, the picket fence and 2.5 children. He didn't love her. She did not love him. He had thought he had got it right, leaving them there on the beach together. Sure, it had hurt him greatly, breaking his hearts as he watched them kiss and having to force himself to walk away, knowing that it was best, even if he did not like it. But now he was standing here, realizing he had failed and facing the choice the other Doctor was giving him.

Regeneration or Rose, the two big R's. If he continued to regenerate nothing would change, the memories would still be there, just beaten down in the back of his mind. But this conversation he was having with himself would stay fresh. He would become a new man, but by doing so he would still be forced to know what he had done to Rose. Or he could choose her, knowing that she would never see her mother, or her Brother or the man she now called 'dad' ever again. That he would be taking away her life from her without her even having a say in it. Could he do that? It was incredibly insensitive and more than just rude. Rude and not ginger played back in his head.

He wanted to be insensitive; he wanted to be selfish, he wanted Rose even if she was not the same Rose anymore. Even if she withered and died, Rose was always more than just a companion. He had burned up a sun just to say goodbye to her and he had never done that for anyone else. He knew his answer- it was going to hurt Rose, but he knew what he had to do. He could not be selfish even if she was hurting right now- she would get better in time.

He opened his mouth and the words that came out were not the ones he was thinking.

"Rose," his hearts said. "I choose Rose Tyler."

The other him smiled. "I thought you might. Your head did not win that battle. Might be a first for us, eh? But you've made your choice. Goodbye me, goodbye Tardis and hello, Rose Tyler!"

And just like that the other Doctor was gone, winking out of existence like he had never been there to begin with. But in the spot where he had once stood lay one blonde girl sleeping, tearstains still evident on her face.

On the grating lay Rose Tyler. He did not blink as he stepped closer and gathered her gently in his arms; his hearts breaking when she mumbled his name into his shirt- she was dreaming of him, tears rolling down her face. He stood gently so not to jar her, and turned on a heel.

He took her a room the Tardis had opened for him. It was not her room, just a bare one. The Tardis had hidden her room from him a long time ago. He laid her on the bed just as gently as he had picked her up from the floor.

The Doctor stood there staring at Rose, marking the differences. Her hair a bit shorter than the last time he saw her on Bad Wolf bay, her body a little thinner and her face which seemed to lack the animation she once shared with the world. Even when she slept, her face had always seemed so animated. Now it was just a shell just like the other Doctor had said. The tears still rolled down her face. He reached forward to wipe the moisture off her face, but faltered, his hand just hanging there.

He did not want her to wake up yet. She needed to rest. The tears hurt him, though- he knew he had caused them. He turned to leave the room but couldn't do it. Sighing, he found a chair had appeared in the corner or the room and made his way to it. He sat down. There was no way he could leave tonight. He had to make sure she was okay. If he left she might disappear just as quickly as she had appeared. So he sat there and waited. Waited for her to wake up.


	4. Chapter 4

The hours had never gone by so slowly.

He could hear the clock in his head; a slow tick, tick, tick as each second counted off. She had not moved not an inch since he had placed her down in the bed. The guilt was already eating him as he stared at her unmoving form. How was she going to react when she woke up and realized where she was and who she was with? He had a feeling it wasn't going to be a happy one. Not like when she had seen him when the stars were going out. He did not think a hug was going to be coming in his direction- more likely a slap. He slowly rubbed the side of his face, grimacing as he did. It would be well deserved, he thought, but was still going to hurt like hell. Rose had never hit him, but her mum had and Jackie had one hell of a slap. Considering Rose was her mother's daughter, it wasn't looking good.

How was he going to explain this to her when she woke up? Hey, I'm sorry I left you with my soon-to be-dead clone, but he sent you back here to give you back to me. Oh, and you never get to see your mum, dad and Tony again. Sorry he didn't tell you his plan. Welcome back! Now, where do you want to go? He chuckled lightly at himself, imagining Rose's face as she just sat there staring at him like he had sprouted a second head. He looked up quickly when a small sound caught his ear, but she had only turned over in her sleep. He could see her face clearly now- the tears that she had shed earlier were dry but still left marks down her cheeks. He longed to reach out and tuck a piece of stray hair behind her ear like he had done so many times before, but restrained himself. Instead, he took his time to mark the changes in her face that had happened since he last saw her.

It had only been about 7 months for him, but for her it had been at least two or three. Time ran differently when you travelled through it. He traced the outline of her face with his eyes, hair a little shorter like he noticed earlier that night, face a little slimmer, the cheekbones more pronounced. Any baby fat was long gone now. Her nose was still cute as a button, full lips open slightly in sleep, but it was her eyes he yearned to see- those beautifully emotional brown eyes with flecks of honey.

Those eyes which showed so much emotion, that danced with delight with her laughter. He hoped she would laugh with him again. She deserved that. If his other self was telling the truth, she had not laughed in a long time. He just wanted her to wake up no matter what might happen when she did. whether it was a slap, a hug or…

Or…

A familiar voice broke through his thoughts.

"Where the hell am I?"

Rose was awake.

It was time he faced the music.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to my** **awesome Beta TheBigCat shes working over time for you guys because I cant stop writing so shes Edited 3 chapters in a little less then 24 hours amazing she is. Now please leave a review it makes me so happy to wake up and see them. I want to thank all of you that have read and reviewed today and all of you that have favorited this story. it makes my day. and just so you guys know the 6th chapter is already written just have to have it edited and it will be up. but i have given you 3 chapters in a day so i think you can wait for chapter 6. well Allons-y**

 **Chapter 5**

Rose woke slowly, feeling as if she had slept for ages. She needed it, that was for sure. She didn't sleep well at all these days. Well, not just these days but the last two-and-a-half years, to be honest. She almost never slept and when she did she dreamed of him and woke screaming. The nightmares never stopped.

That daft man in the box still held her heart, even after all this time.

He had hurt her time and time again, first with the misleading gestures then the unfinished sentence and then leaving her on a beach in bloody Norway, of all places, with the other Doctor. Thinking that would be good enough. It wasn't that she had kissed the other Doctor in the heat of the moment, the joy of thinking he loved her and could say it. Though the real Doctor- her true Doctor- could only say things like quite right too and does it need saying? This emotional other doctor told her just what she needed to hear, giving time for the other one to escape back to the TARDIS and away from her.

Running, always running from everybody and everything. Leaving her standing there with a man who looked like him and talked like him but was not him in the ways that mattered. Then this new Doctor had to go and die, taking away the only friend she had to talk to about these things.

These thoughts went through her head quickly enough- it was what she thought about every morning as she was waking up.

Her throat was raw and burning and her eyes were puffy from the tears she had cried in her sleep. She slowly opened her eyes and rubbed the sleep from them.

And gasped.

This was not her room at home. She blinked a few times, thinking that maybe she was still asleep and dreaming. But no, this was not her room. Maybe she had finally gone around the bend and her parents had put her away. But she had remembered going to bed last night in her blue bedroom, and remembered waking up screaming in the same room and crying herself back to sleep.

"Where the hell am I?" slipped out of her mouth before she realized it. Her hand slapped over her lips. What if she was not alone?

Come on, Rose thought to herself. That's incredibly stupid. Oh well, too late now. The words were already in the air.

She sat up slowly and glanced at her surroundings. White walls, no pictures. Simple desk in a corner. Nightstand next to the bed. A chair in the darkened corner of the room.

A chair where someone sat still as a statue looking at her in rapt attention as if waiting for her next move.

Her training took over. All those years with the Doctor and then with Torchwood had left their mark on her. She stood quickly and ran to the door, yanking it open. It wasn't locked. Some kidnapping this is, she briefly thought as she dashed out the door and into the hallway, not really looking at her surroundings as she ran, just trying to get away from that room as quickly as possible. She would find a weapon first, and then evaluate the situation further.

She hurtled down a ramp and stopped suddenly. There was no way on this Earth or any other Earth that she was seeing what she was seeing. She rubbed her eyes hard and looked again. Her mind must be playing tricks on her, what else could it be? There was no way she was standing in the console room of the TARDIS. The TARDIS which was supposed to be in another world.

She walked the rest of the way down the ramp and up to the platform, running her hands around the equipment and stroking bits of the coral with her other hand. It was real. The TARDIS was real and if the TARDIS was real, then…

…then the Doctor had to be here as well, because, well, one went with the other. Her mind flashed back to the person who had been in her room when she woke up. It had been the Doctor, she was sure of it now. She looked up from where she was standing and scanned the room.

There he was, standing at the bottom of the platform. Looking the same as ever- brown pinstriped suit, great hair and brown eyes that met hers with a look of apprehension.

The Doctor stared back into Rose's eyes. They were open now and definitely trying to figure this out. He could see her brain working behind those eyes. She had been up and out of that room faster than he could process. But he had followed just as quickly, and had stopped when she had reached the platform, allowing her to see where she was. He had watched the pieces snap into place. When she looked up at him, his hearts had stopped for a moment before picking back up again.

He needed to speak, he had to speak, but what to say?

So he started off with the one word that they had always said first after they had been reunited, whenever something had kept them apart.

"Hello," he said carefully and quietly, gauging her response. She blinked at him.

"Hi," she responded, equally as quietly, and promptly passed out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to TheBigCat who is a great Beta thank you all who have reviewed my story and favorited it please leave a review i will respond I really like to know if you guys are enjoying my take of these great people. so please let me know. and just for you guys i am posting this chapter a little bit ahead of what I planed. and chapter 7 is already written. well anyway on with the story Allons-y**

Rose came to on a bed in the infirmary. She had passed out again after seeing him. How embarrassing to show what kind of woman she had become in the last couple of years, she thought. Despite being broke- hearted and nightmare-ravaged in the midnight hours, she was a strong woman during the day- a commander, in charge of her emotions, a hardened solder. To pass out was unthinkable. How would she play this off?

He deserved a whack, she decided. Hearing a sound, she turned, and, acting on impulse, raised her balled hand and punched him right in the nose. She kept punching him- the side of his jaw, his eye, anywhere she could reach. She was going to make him feel her anger at him. She still had no idea how she had gotten on the TARDIS or why she was there, but it really didn't matter at the moment. Her fist connected with the flesh that had hurt her so many times.

It felt so. Damn. Good.

Well, it did until she hit a particularly hard spot on his jawline and winced in pain as one of her knuckles broke. Pulling back her hand to examine it, she felt a bit of shame. Her knuckles were bruised and bloody and the top of her index finger was swelling already.

She then looked up to the face her hand had left just a moment before. The Doctor's right eye was already black and his nose bloody. He had bruises starting to form on his face from where her fist had connected, but she felt no guilt for what she had done to him. The only thing she was feeling bad for was the fact she could not continue because of her knuckle.

The Doctor was still in a state of shock when she stopped hitting him. His face hurt- he had been stunned when her fist had connected to his nose and then continued to pummel him. He deserved it so he did not stop her and let her beat him black and blue.

Rose was examining her hand now, she had definitely broken something. He had felt the crack when her last punch had hit his jaw. He looked up when she raised her eyes to examine what she had done. He thought he would see remorse on her face, but all he saw was raw rage still simmering in her eyes. It made them appear darker. It scared him for a moment, but only for a second.

"Quite right, too," he muttered, with a lack of anything else to say.

Rose hated those three words more than any other. Those words were the death of her- words that she relived every night in dreams. She was off the bed and in his face before he could blink.

"Don't you ever," she raged. "and I mean ever- say those words to me again. Do you hear me, Doctor?"

He heard her all right- she was yelling right in his bruised and bloody face. He started to acknowledge that yes, he had indeed heard her, when she spoke again.

"If I ever hear those words coming from your mouth again it will be the last thing you ever say. You got that, Time Lord?"

He nodded his head quickly. And swallowed. She was terrifying when she was mad. And she spoke now with such authority that he had no choice but agree with her. He opened his mouth and closed in again. "Hello," he finally offered.

She said nothing, just sat stiffly back on the bed. He grimaced then walked towards her slowly. "Let me take care of this hand for you."

She jerked out of his grasp. "It's fine. It'll heal soon enough."

Another war wound to add to her collection on the outside. He stepped back and set on another bed.

"Why am I here?" she asked him bluntly, scowling at the wall, not meeting his eyes.

"It's complicated," he heard himself answer.

"Well, uncomplicate it," Rose said with a huff.

"Wish I could," he replied.

"You're telling me, Time Lord, that you can't answer the question of how I came to be in the TARDIS with you?"

The Doctor was considering how to explain this all to her and grimacing every time she called him Time Lord. The way she said it with such disdain and anger made him feel guilt like nothing else. She asked another question that jarred his train of thought.

"Are we in my world or yours?"

"They're both your worlds, Rose," said his quick gob. "That is to say, this is your original world, not Pete's World."

"No, Time Lord," snapped Rose shortly. "Pete's World is my world now. You made sure of that when you left me on a beach."

He just sat there. This was not the Rose he had left. His other self had been right- Rose was gone. She had been replaced by this angry women sitting across from him- a women who had seen and done so much and been abandoned one too many times. The guilt was beginning to eat at him again. He had done this. He had made this person. He wondered if any of the old Rose was left inside her.

He wondered if it was ever possible to bring her back.


	7. Chapter 7

**Once again thanks to my amazing Beta TheBigCat, I hope all of you are enjoying my story please take a moment and leave a review** **it wont take but a second and I like to here from you guys just let me know what you are thinking. thanks to all who have liked the story and added it to your pages it means the world to me. well on to chapter 7 Allons-y**

Rose set on the bed, wound as tight as a coil. If she let loose- even a little- she knew she would spring up and explode. Her eyes stayed glued to the wall in front of her. Her anger surprised her. Rose had never really hit anybody before. She found that she liked it maybe a little too much. But it had felt good to let it out for once- maybe she should do it again. Her other hand wasn't hurt, after all.

She managed to restrain herself. She needed answers and so far The Doctor had not given them. He was running again, but this time it was her questions he was running from. But Rose was not going to put up with that anymore. Long gone were the times she would just sit back, let this man take the lead and follow without a thought. She was going to get answers one way or another. She decided which question really needed to be answered. She had to know which world she was in now in order to figure out her next steps.

So she asked again.

"Time Lord," she whispered softly. "How did I get here?"

She noticed his look of pain when she called him that title instead of the name he had chosen, and did not care. Doctor was a title for a healer or hero. He had been neither to her in a long time.

And somehow… she still loved him. That would never go away, she knew that. It didn't stop her from hating him at the same time and right now the hate was winning. It must have something to do with the fact he was there with her. "I'm waiting, Time Lord. What's your answer?"

The Doctor stared at her, still not truly believing that this person sitting in front of him was Rose Tyler. She was so cold, so broken. So very much like him before she had come into his life. But that Rose was not here at the moment- just a woman who wanted answers he was not ready to give. Answers he knew she was not ready to hear. His own almost-regeneration because he was dying from radiation poisoning, his other self showing up and giving him a choice. He knew Rose was not ready to hear how he knew all her secrets.

So he did what he always did in these situations. He did the one thing he was really good at.

He lied.

"The TARDIS brought you back," he said, the words flowing painfully easily from his tongue. "I was working on her and suddenly she was shaking and rocking like she did when we fell into Pete's World the first time. I bumped my head pretty hard and when I came to, you were here lying on the platform. I really don't know how or why but it must have been the TARDIS. She's always liked you, Rose, this magnificent ship of mine," he added with a beaming smile. "Still don't know why, though. She won't tell me. Not that she says much to me nowadays… think she's mad at me." _The women in my life are always mad at me_ , he thought. He hopped off the bed and started to pace, adding quickly "I'll figure it out, Rose, just like I always do. Don't know if I can get you back there right away but I'll try. Back to your mum and Pete and little brother and back to the other me. I'll do it, Rose, you just watch me." If he was gonna lie he had to make it believable. After all, he couldn't let her know he knew the other him was long gone and buried in a dark hole. "I'll get you back where you belong, don't worry." He stopped long enough to look at her. She was still sitting there, but now instead of the wall she was looking right at him.

"He's dead."

She said it so softly he almost didn't catch it. "Died about six months ago, leaving me alone again." The anger was quickly returning to her voice. "Your little plan backfired, Time Lord. He only was around a couple of years until he just went and died. He couldn't handle that body of yours."

If Rose could not physically hit him she was going to go for the emotional blow. It could hurt far worse than any physical punch ever would- she knew that. "He died, Time Lord and left me all over again. You thought you were giving me my forever, but instead I got a couple of years of friendship out of him. That was it. Then he was gone, just like you. So, no rush, Time Lord. There's nothing to go back to anyway. Mum thinks I'm nuts, Pete's still not my dad and Tony… well, he's a spoiled little brat that deserves a good slap."

"But they're your family," the Doctor said, utterly shocked.

"No," said Rose. "My family is gone. They disappeared the moment I was sucked through that wall. Mum still loves me- always will- but she still thinks I'm a nutter. Maybe I am. You and I, sitting here having this conversation, is not supposed to be possible. Travelling between worlds is not supposed to happen. Am I right, Time Lord?"

She was right, and they both knew it.

"Ask the TARDIS," was all he could say. "Maybe she'll give you an answer."

And with that, he flopped back on the bed. This day was just getting stranger and stranger. Six hours ago, he was about to regenerate and now he was sitting on a bed talking to Rose. But not his Rose. He resigned himself to the fact that this was not going to be smooth sailing. He had known it from the start but a part of him wished he had been wrong.

Well, since they weren't friends at the moment- more like strangers- he was going to fix that hand of hers. Whether she liked it or not.


	8. Chapter 8

**I want to thank my Beta as always the super cool TheBigCat for making my work the best it can be. I want to thank all those people who have reviewed and are following the story it means the world to me. I want to thank Guest who ever it is. she/he keeps dropping great reviews create a profile guest would love to thank you. with a true name. Now please everybody drop a review it only takes a second but makes my whole day brighter. chapter 9 is already written and will be going through editing soon enough. but until then hear is chapter 8 Allons-y**

Rose was not aware of the thoughts going through the Doctor's head. She was too busy processing all that he had told her. The TARDIS bringing her back because she liked her? Yeah, that was plausible. But why now? It had been almost three years. It seemed kind of nuts that the ship would bring her back now.

Rose lifted her hand to move a stray piece of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes, and cringed in pain. She had forgotten it was hurt at the moment, but the pain was rushing back now. It would heal in a couple of days and she would be back to normal. Well, as normal as she could be considering that she healed just a bit faster now. She had discovered that little fact right before the last dimension cannon run oh-so-long ago.

She had gone out with Mickey to get a tattoo. It had hurt like hell but the next morning when she went to examine the word, it was fully healed. It looked like she had always had it. There was no way to explain it, but ever since, she had been… well, 'special' was the only word to describe it. If she got a bruise it was healed the next day. Broke her leg? A week, tops, and she was back at work. Torchwood thought it might have been prolonged use of the cannon but they did not know for sure. But Rose just went with it. After all she had seen and done it wasn't hard for her to believe that she had somehow changed.

It didn't stop it from hurting like hellfire though. As she examined her hand now, she could already see the lighter bruises fading as if they had never been there. A day, she thought absently, and it'll be healed. Maybe a day and a half with her knuckle. She was pretty sure it had shattered on impact with that stubborn jaw.

A jaw that was currently standing right in front of her. He must have moved off the bed when she had been so engrossed in her own thoughts. She hadn't even heard him move.

"What're you doing, eh?" she barked abruptly. "Get away from me."

He just stood there gazing down into her eyes. "Fixing your hand," he told her, softly yet dangerously.

"No," she replied firmly. "Leave it be. It's my hand and it does not want you touching it, Time Lord. You'll only make it worse."

"Rose," he warned. "I am fixing that hand whether you want me to or not. It's only hurt because you broke it hitting me and since I broke it I'm going to fix it. We can do this the easy way where you give me your hand and I get it all fixed up in two seconds, or you can sit there in pain until you fall asleep and then I fix it. But either way, I'm fixing it." He stared at her. "So what's your choice, Rose Tyler? Easy or hard?"

"Oh, look at Mr Time Lord, giving me a choice for once!" she exclaimed in absolute fury. "Didn't think you knew how to do that. Send Rose home to Mummy so she'll be safe, send Rose off to another universe to protect her, leave Rose on a beach in the middle of Norway with a clone and run away. I didn't get choices in those things! Why do I suddenly get a choice in this matter, then? Think you know what's bloody best for me, do you?"

"You're right," he said. "Why am I giving you a choice?"

And then, even though it was dumb of him, he reached up and grabbed her hand. The sonic blazed to life before she could make a move to stop him.

Well, since the sonic was already doing its job she might as well let him finish. Even she had to admit her hand was hurting heaps. It was starting to feel a lot better, though, so she'd let him finish then give him a slap again for touching her without her permission. She set there stonily while the sonic did its job.

The Doctor sat there with the sonic buzzing over Rose's hand, surprised that she was not kicking him or squirming to get away. He had won this battle. He was fixing her up even though she did want fixing. Granted, he had only won by taking the decision out of her hands, but it was a win nonetheless.

Her hand was not as bad as it should be, he thought, the bruises already lighter than they had been when he had grabbed her hand before. But he made no comment on it. The sonic was at setting 22456, which was taking care of the bruising and swelling. He stopped just for a moment and changed the last number to a 7 to fix the knuckle that had shattered. He went over her hand once more, turning it over and making sure he had healed all that needed healing. Once he was sure, he dropped her hand and quickly stepped two paces back far enough so that the newly healed hand could not slap him again. And sure enough, it was already raised to do just that.

Rose dropped her hand back down to her lap. Damn him. He had known what she had planned to do and had gotten away before she could do it.

"Now what?"

She didn't realize she had spoken out loud till the words were already hanging in the air between them.

"Well," replied the Doctor. "I guess now we should talk. But not in here. How about a nice cuppa while we figure this out?"

He walked to the door and stepped out, waiting for Rose to follow. She sat there another moment, before exhaling and following him out. She still wanted to yell at him but at the moment she did not seem capable of it and a cup of tea would be nice. She really had missed the special blend they had picked up on Gidu. They had excellent tea there, probably because it was so stormy all the time. The one time they had gone, she had insisted that he buy five pounds of tea for the TARDIS and even though he had complained about it (saying the ship had enough tea on it already) he had bought it for her.

They arrived at the kitchen and he motioned for her to take a seat. He searched the cabinets until the TARDIS took pity on him and the tea appeared by the stove. He went about making the tea taking half the amount of time needed thanks to the sonic. He set down a steaming mug- her mug- in front of her.

The DOctor took a deep breath and spoke.

"I know you're upset with me."

She scoffed, but he held up a hand to her and continued. "I know that you're mad at me, and I deserve every bit of your anger, Rose. But do you think we can talk about it just a little? Or you can ask me some questions and I'll try to answer them the best I can. He pulled at his ear anxiously and took a sip of his tea.

Slowly, Rose looked at him. It looked like she wasn't going to speak for a moment.

"What happened to Donna?" she asked, and the Doctor felt his hearts freeze.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks to TheBigCat as always she is like Tony the Tiger says GREATTTTT! so hear it is boys and girls a new chapter and only a day after the last or almost a day. time is** **relative after all. i know the story is a bit angsty at the moment but it will get a bit lighter just give the Doctor and Rose some time they will make it. so leave a review press the follow & read dont forget to read Allons-y**

That question had been bugging Rose for years now. She had liked Donna Noble with her quick wit and quicker mouth- more than a match for the Doctor. Then she had become all smart from a shock. She had liked the fiery red head from the moment they had met. But looking around her now, she knew they were alone on the TARDIS. So what had changed since the last time she saw him on Bad Wolf Bay? Better yet, how much time had passed for him? She knew time ran different here- her world was ahead of this one.

"How long has it been for you Time Lord?"

"6 months, 22 days, 10 hours and 33- no, 35 seconds," he replied, barely thinking about the numbers. "How long for you?"

"Two and half years."

How old was she now, he wondered, quickly doing the math. 19 when he met her, 20 when they went back to her mother's from the one year later nightmare, almost 21 when he lost her to the other world, it had been a year and a half for him when she had found her way back which would have made her 25 and now another 2 years. She was 27 now, he thought with a pang in his hearts, but she still looked exactly the same as if time had frozen her at 21. Not possible, was his next thought. She was just aging well.

"You didn't give me an answer, Time Lord. What happened to Donna?"

Her voice broke through his musings as he pondered how to answer her. He had already lied once to her and really did not want to do it again.

So he told her the truth.

"She's gone back home," said the Doctor wearily. "Newly married, doesn't know who I am, doesn't know that she saved the world. She has no memory of her time with me at all." He sighed. The pain was still so fresh. He had lost the girl he loved and his best friend all on the same day. The questions were swimming in Rose's eyes so he answered before she could ask.

"Her brain was killing her. She wasn't meant to handle all of that knowledge. I had to block it so it wouldn't kill her. If she remembers even one thing, the floodgates will break down and she'll die."

"Did you know all of this when you left me that day?" Rose asked him with a hint of fire in her eyes.

"Did you know what you would have to do to her?"

"Yes." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his mug of tea, no longer able to meet her eyes.

"You knew," she said with deceptive calmness. "and you lied to me. Seems to be a talent of yours."

"You would have stayed even if you had known, Rose. He needed looking after and you were the best one for it. He loved you Rose. I know he did, because he was me and I..."

He stopped. Now was not the time to bring up how he felt. He went quiet suddenly and waited for her next words.

"You're right, Time Lord," she said. "He did love me." She laughed harshly. "But not the way I think you wanted him to."

He flinched at her laugh. It was so hard and cold. Not Rose's laugh at all.

"He loved me all right; great friend and all that, but he was more Jack's type then mine."

The look of shock on his face was priceless and made her laugh in glee. It had been so long since she had really truly laughed. God, it felt good. So good. Almost her old self good.

And that stopped the laughter just as quickly as it begun.

He sat there grinning at her that bright cosmos smile. The Doctor was happy to get a real laugh from Rose, even if it was at his expense. The fact that the other him was gay had taken him by surprise. Maybe it shouldn't have. Donna had definitely liked men, and since he had part Donna in him, well… he just didn't want to think about what his other self got up to in that other world.

He started to grin as her laughter lit up the room with joy that he never thought would be there again. And just as suddenly as it begun, it had stopped and she was staring at him with silent tears running down her cheeks.

He wondered how long it had been since she had laughed.

Too long, he decided, if a simple laugh could bring her to tears. Did he reach out to hug her, take her hand, pat her shoulder? Would she want that from him right now? One look at her face told him the answer. If he touched her now, she would hurt him. She did not want or need his comfort. She had been dealing with this on her own for a long time.

So he turned his eyes down to the floor and let her cry to herself.

Rose was mad at herself. Crying because she laughed. What kind of idiot had she turned into in the last couple of years? She did not cry well, except at night, when nobody could hear her. She was glad he had not touched her, though. If he touched her she would break. The walls would crumble down and they had taken too long to build. She would never let anybody behind those walls again.

She flinched a little when he got up from the table to stretch, sure he was going to touch her, but he just reached into the pockets of that brown coat of his and gave her a package of tissues. She muttered a hasty 'thanks' in his direction and blew her nose.

He sat down again.

"What now?" he asked quietly. "Do you want to stay here with me? Do you want me to take you to Mickey or Sarah Jane, or do you want to go back? What do you want, Rose?"

Choices, she thought, again. Now he was giving her choices. Of all the times to let her choose something in her life, now was the time he was letting her. What did she want? Rose had no clue. Sure, she wanted to see Mickey again. He was her friend, or had been her friend at one time, but she didn't want to see him right now. Sarah Jane… oh, yes. Let's go see Sarah Jane, she thought sarcastically in her head. The one you let stay on this planet. She knew it wasn't fair to the woman but Rose wasn't feeling very charitable at the moment.

Going home again was not a choice. Rose had meant what she had told the man in front of her. Home was not home to her any longer.

But if she stayed here with him… she could travel again. She had missed the gentle hum of the TARDIS as she had drifted off to sleep every night and the thrilling adventures to be had every day. And maybe- just maybe- if she stayed she would be able to sleep a night with no dreams.

But if she stayed she would have to see the man in front of her every day. She would be subjecting herself to his presence almost every waking moment. He would see what she had become- cold and dark as the midnight sky. How would he react? Right now, he was taking it well enough, but she knew what her moods did to people. What it had done to her mum. Well, maybe he deserved to see what she had become. After all, he had made her this way.

So it was decided. She knew what she wanted- the TARDIS and the adventures. She could deal with the man beside her if she could have that.

"I want to stay here," she heard herself say.

"You want to stay with me?"

"I want to stay on the TARDIS," she replied coldly. "You being here is of no great thought to me."

And with that she pushed up from the table. "I'm going to my room."

Rose left him sitting at the table, a million thoughts going through his head.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello people Thanks to my very good Beta TheBigCat shes wonderful please keep reading chapter 11 is already written give me some feed back and I will give you the chapter. Make sure you check out my Betas message to. Allons-y**

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 _(Hi, guys! A note from the beta here. If you've gotten this far, then you know as well as I do how much of an awesome writer DoctorWand is. And if you're a writer, you probably know how irritating it is when no one reviews for you. Just leave some comments, okay? Even a smiley face is better than nothing.)_

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Rose set off to find her old room. She knew it was there somewhere. She was about to ask the TARDIS for a bit of help, when it appeared before her. She stared at the purple door with her name in the centre of it for a long time. She had not seen this room since she was twenty. Was it going to be different, or the same? Would it hurt to look at the remnants of her old self?

Well, only one way to find out. She reached for the handle and the door swung open.

She stepped through the doorway. A thousand memories came to life. Her Union Jack shirt hung off the lamp, her purple blouse was in the middle of the floor, her shoes were everywhere. The room was a mess. It looked just as she had left it on that long-ago day when she had packed a bag to see her mum. The day her world had flipped upside-down.

She leaned over, picked the shirt off the floor and held it close for a moment, cherishing the good memories for a second. 'Apple grass' echoed in her head as she dropped the shirt again.

She turned toward the mirror, and pictures jumped out at her. She had forgotten about them- had made herself forget about them. There they were, at Christmas, gathered round the table. All smiling, all happy. Another shot of just the two of them- on the grass on New Earth, her arm stretched out where she could capture the moment.

She had been so happy back then, so carefree. If Rose could go back, she would tell herself to run and to run fast from the man in the picture. The man that would change everything about what she knew of love. She almost ripped the picture in half but couldn't do it. It was a reminder of what she used to be.

Instead, she started to remove them one by one and place them in a random box she found. She would have them still but not have a constant reminder of who she used to be. She shoved the box in the closet and shut the door.

Rose felt the tears falling from her face again. God, she was sick of crying but just this once she was going to let it out. It had been a rough day and it was only half done. She fell to the floor her back to the open door and sobbed. She cried for all she had lost and then found and lost again. She cried for her old mum, she sobbed for herself and the girl she used to be. But mostly she sobbed for the women she was now. The cold, angry women she had become. She hated herself, hated this new person who was her.

He had shown her the stars and then left her just like he said he wouldn't. What were his words again?

Not to you, never to you.

He had made her this person and now there was no going back. He would just have to deal with what she had become. And if he didn't like it, well then. That was too damn bad. He was stuck with her now, whether he liked it or not. She was not going anywhere; had nowhere to go anyway.

So she would stay with him on the TARDIS for forever. Well, her forever. Just not the way she had meant it originally. She would guard her heart better this time and keep it locked up tight. Her hand would not be there to hold his. She would forever keep her distance from the Time Lord and grow old with her heart never breaking again. Rose stopped crying and stood.

"Be strong Rose, be better and keep your heart close," she murmured to herself.

She gathered some of her old stuff and walked into the bathroom to get changed. She was ready for this new adventure in her life and she was going to travel the stars again. And maybe- just maybe some of the old Rose would show up again. Just like Mickey had told her once- in the TARDIS was where she belonged.

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The Doctor stared at the table that Rose had just left and breathed a sigh of relief. She wanted to stay. That was good, that was a step in the right direction, even if she wanted to stay because of his ship and not him. It was a start. And she had laughed- she had really laughed. He hoped he could get her to do it again. Maybe without the tears following this time.

His Rose was still in there somewhere, he was just going to have to dig deep to bring it out. He was not giving up this time. He would show her how he felt, even if he might not be able to give her the words. He'd start off slow, of course, slow and steady. He had to build trust again.

There were so many things going through his head- places they could go, things they could see. Places where he could take her hand and just walk or- well, knowing him, run. He grinned. He could see them now- Shiver and Shake, the stuff of legends, Sir Doctor and Dame Rose running from danger across the galaxies, hands clasped together. His hearts soared with the thought.

But first he would have to get her to touch him without beating the hell out of him. That was going to be the hard part.

He removed himself from the chair and started to walk down the hall. He knew just how to start rebuilding that trust. He would apologize for everything he had done and not said. He owed her that, at least.

He stopped outside her door. The TARDIS had given Rose her room back. He glanced through the doorway and saw her sitting on the floor, knees bent up and hands covering her face. Her shoulders shook in anguish and sobs racked her body.

He wanted to gather her in his arms and take away all the pain she had to endure. But he stopped himself. She did not want him to touch her, he knew that. Her sobs slowly eased and with a few more shudders her shoulders stopped shaking she pulled a deep breath and stood tall and strong. He stepped sideways so the wall could better hide him, and heard her speak- shakily but with resolve.

"Be strong, Rose, be better and keep your heart close."

His hearts shattered once more. This was going to be the most difficult task he had ever done in over 900 years of living. Getting Rose Tyler to let go enough to love him again.

Because she had obviously stopped.


	11. Chapter 11

**As always a huge Thank you to my Beta TheBigCat. I want to thank all of you that have reviewed and are following the story. Please keep it up. I love to read them. and as I said here's chapter 11 and 12 is already written. let me know what you think. Allons-y**

The Doctor wandered down the hall back to the console room. The ship needed some repairs done. She had done a lot of hopping in the last 24 hours. He took out a part of the grating, crawled under and started to work. He concentrated so hard on the task that he forgot about everything for a couple of hours.

That was until he heard her footsteps above him, and everything rushed back. He pulled himself up bumping his head as always and let a grin spread across his face. Rose was sitting on the jumpseat, feet tucked up underneath her as if no time had gone by at all. His grin got wider when he saw what she was wearing- a pink t-shirt and jeans they had never looked so good to him. And for a moment, just a moment, he could see Rose. Simply Rose. The 19 year old girl who had been up for anything.

"So, do you want to go somewhere?" he asked, looking right at her, his smile getting just a bit bigger. "All of space, out there."

He paused for a moment, and then continued. "And have I mentioned it travels in time as well?"

His eyes traced her face, a tentative smile was slowly beginning to show.

"Is that a smile, Rose Tyler?"

Rose shook her head adamantly. "I'm not smiling," she mumbled.

"Yes you are," he grinned. "You're smiling. You're smiling. I got you to smile. The Doctor's work is done here! I got Rose Tyler to smile."

He took a bow to an imaginary audience, but when he looked over at Rose again the smile that had briefly been on her face was gone. Her face once again pinched up in stony resolve.

"Well…" he began quickly, pretending not to notice it. "Forwards or backwards? Actually, I have the perfect place to go."

He started to set the coordinates. She stayed quiet and he rubbed the back of his neck, not sure if he could pull this off- if she would even want him to do what he was about to do. Crossing one's timeline could be dangerous with dire consequences but he thought maybe a few trips down memory lane would help the healing process. Make her remember the good times instead of dwelling on all the bad. Maybe help Rose remember who she used to be. And if they were careful no-one would be any the wiser that they were there.

The TARDIS landed with a familiar sound. This was it- time to see her response. He stood quietly holding the door open for her.

Rose stepped out of the TARDIS, gasped and threw him a questioning look.

What was he playing at bringing her back here?

"Welcome, Rose Tyler, once again to the year 5.5/apple/26, better known as-"

"The end of the world," Rose finished for him. "But why would you bring me back here? What if we run into ourselves? It'll create a paradox and if I remember correctly- which I do- paradoxes are bad."

"Yes... yes, they are, but…" He was trying to come up with an excuse. He couldn't tell her the real reason they were there after all. Blimey, this was difficult. Then it hit him. "Well, you never did get to watch it end last time. I was busy saving the station and you were busy trying not to get burned alive. So I thought it would be fun."

He glanced at Rose trying to read her face for a reaction. It was still set in a slightly bewildered expression. He ploughed on. "As long as we avoid ourselves, no paradox, voila! It'll all work out. We'll solve the problem and still see the show. We can hide out by the columns over there. Nobody'll be the wiser," he finished with a grin, reaching for Rose's hand without thinking about it in order to drag them over to the spot. But she wrenched it out of his grasp before he had gotten a proper hold of it and walked a little behind him to the spot.

He hadn't meant to reach for her. It was just a habit he would have to break before he could get it back.

"There we are," he said, pointing over to the left of the column. "Look at your face, Rose, I think you just said he's blue."

"Well, he is," she responded lightly, if not a little sarcastically. "I was in a bit of shock if you must know."

The steward started to announce the other aliens as they entered the room, but Rose was entranced with seeing herself and her original Doctor again, taking in her expressions. Her watching the proceedings and him watching for her reaction. She had not thought about her old Doctor in a while. Her thoughts always centred on the man next to her. The leather jacket, close crop of hair. The big ears the eyes- a bluish-steel just like the midwinter sky above London on a nice day.

She had no ill feelings towards the man across the room, the one mistake he had done was out of a promise to her mum. This was the man she had run away with. The man who had first showed her the stars. And he was watching every reaction on her young face in rapt attention when he was interrupted by the tree woman. Rose could not remember her name but she remembered the flirting.

"Jabe," the man next to her said softly. Rose had almost forgotten he was there. She nodded and let out a snort as she watched her old Doctor blow air onto Jabe and almost giggled out loud at the flirting that was taking place. The look on her young face was priceless as she stood there holding a clipping of a tree. Then the look of disgust on her face when she was spat at.

"I just stood there. How did I just stand there after he spat at me?"

"I believe, Miss Tyler, you were still in… how did you put it? In shock."

She grinned up at him with that tongue-in-teeth smile and looked back at the scene in front of her.

He had to make himself take a breath. She had given him the smile. Rose may not have realized it but that smile could light up a room. And for just a moment his old Rose was back with him again.

He tucked the memory of it away to reflect on later when times were tough. He now knew this had been the right course of action to have taken. He may not be able to do it often- it was dangerous like she had said- but a few trips like these should help. It was helping him already. He had pushed these great memories to the back of his mind after he had lost her. But these were good memories and it was fun watching her watch herself.

Yes, he thought again. A very good plan indeed.


	12. Chapter 12

**I want to thank My Beta TheBigCat she is simply brilliant as the Doctor would put it. I also want to take this time to thank everybody who is following this story now its an amazing feeling to know that somebody likes your story so much that they want to know when its been updated. I also want to thank everybody that has Reviewed me the last couple of days. Its amazing to check my email and see all of the notifications. well hear is Chapter 12 please let me know what you think as always and Allons-y**

They stayed hidden in the shadows, Rose watched as she ran out of the room right after Cassandra had the jukebox play Tainted Love. Her face had been a mix between panic and shock. Oh, if only she had known this would not have been the strangest thing she would see.

Rose looked across the room. Her old Doctor was staring at where her younger self had run off to with a look of worry on his face. He had started to go after her but was interrupted.

Rose had never known at that point that he had cared enough to at least try and talk to her.

She glanced at the man next to her, standing just far enough away where he would not touch her. It was strange seeing them both in the same space- the one she had started to love and then the one she had fallen for completely. How different and yet the same both men were. She knew they were the same person but still, his words brought her out of her musings.

"We can mingle if you like."

She noticed that the other Doctor had vanished.

"We won't be back for a bit."

She shook her head and leaned against the column. She stared at him intently, her eyes never wavering from his. When she spoke it seemed like a million years had gone by.

"So. Your face healed up."

"Yup," he replied, popping the 'P' just a bit longer than necessary, trying in vain to see where this was going. "How's the hand?"

He knew it was fine, but what else was he supposed to say?

"Better, but you still should have left it alone. It would have been fine."

"But you were hurt, Rose. I hate it when you're hurt!"

She laughed harshly. "Only physically!" she said softly.

Rose saw the hurt singe in the Time Lord's eyes but ignored it. She turned her attention back to the room seeing the younger them once again entering.

'My old Doctor' she sighed just a bit, as he left the room again.

Rose stared at herself walking over to Cassandra, a quick grin lighting her face as she watched the looks of anger and disgust wash over her young face.

She heard the man next to her mutter, "I told you to play nice and what do you do? You go and pick a fight with a piece of skin!"

"Well, she made me mad, going on about being the last human…" Rose replied.

"What are you saying to her?"

He wanted her to remember he had missed this exchange the first time around.

"Cassandra said I could use some work- be a bit flatter. She said I had a bit of a chin." Rose turned her head as she spoke, to spare a glance at him.

"What was your response to that?

"I told her I would rather die than live like a bitchy trampoline."

He grinned widely at her and let out a quick laugh. "You would have said that. No wonder she went after you in New New York- she was out for revenge!"

"Well, it didn't help that you blew her up, by calling her back here!"

"She blew herself up. I just pressed the button."

They grinned at each other for a moment- just like old times; the banter coming naturally. She caught herself and turned back to the action. He was still smiling. She could feel it searing behind her.

"Stop it," she said loudly.

"Stop what?" he replied cheerfully.

"Stop staring at me."

"I'm not," the Time Lord said, so innocently that she almost believed him.

"Just don't," the hurt was creeping into her voice.

She felt his gaze drop from her. Rose missed it immediately. None of that now, she told herself firmly. She went back to observing the room around her. It was a bit boring now, without the other pair of them there to watch.

Rose sunk down behind the pillar and sat on the cold floor. She felt him sink down next to her, close enough that she could reach out and touch him if she wanted.

It seemed all so strange to her. Here was the man that had consumed her every thought for the last two and a half years. She had thought if she ever saw him again that she would be happy- a little mad, sure- but mostly happy. Instead she felt nothing but anger.

"I didn't think I was going to be this angry with you," Rose said suddenly, without meaning to. "I thought it would be easy- give you a slap that you deserved and then we'd be back like we always were. But it's not. I think I'm madder at you now than I ever was. In my world all I had was a memory of you. You didn't even say goodbye, just left me."

Rose stopped talking. She had said more than she had meant to. She mentally gave herself a hard shake.

The Doctor stared at her for a few moments, searching her face, before looking back at the wall in front of him.

Well, she was talking. That was good. Better to air those emotions then keep them bottled up.

"You're right to be mad at me, Rose. I was stupid. I'm sorry. I should have said goodbye instead of running, but it hurt too much. I thought you'd be fine, truly, or I would have never left. I thought you would be happy. I know now I was wrong. I'm truly sorry Rose."

Rose wished she could believe him but she couldn't. If time had taught her anything it was the fact that the Doctor lies, and that the word 'sorry' was just something he said to make himself feel better.

"Well, those words don't fix bullet holes, Time Lord, and they don't work on me. Try saying them to someone who gives a fuck. I don't want your apologies after all this time. Shove them up your arse, Time Lord."

He sat there silently. She had cursed at him, telling him that his sorry meant nothing. How was he to respond to that? He had meant it with every fibre of his being, and still she did not believe him. That hurt. He would have to show her and keep telling her regardless. She would believe him, eventually. He hoped.

"I meant it, Rose. Really, I do."

She silenced him with a look.

He threw back his head against the pillar in exasperation but wisely stayed silent. The Doctor continued to observe Rose out of the corner of his eye. She had turned to watch the goings on in the room again.

It was almost time for Cassandra to make her final appearance. They had missed a good chunk as they sat there talking, both of them not feeling the panic or the room heating up as their conversation grew more and more serious.

Rose stood and stretched, feeling her muscles loosen as she did so. He did the same. They both glanced at the window just in time to see the sun expand and engulf the planet below.

"S' beautiful," she said breathlessly. She stared at the window in awe and rapture, a bit of her old self bleeding through.

The man next to her said nothing though as he thought to himself, 'yeah it is'.

The Doctor's view was not on the window however but firmly on the women standing next to him. He dare not let his eyes linger too long on her face, lest she notice.

So he tapped her lightly on the shoulder and said, "it's time to go."

Rose nodded and they headed for the TARDIS.

He entered first and jumped to the console starting to flip switches. Rose watched him run to the ship. She stopped before she followed and took one last glance behind her trying to memorize every detail of her old Doctor. She smiled a bit, and then hurried back to the blue box.

It had been fun to revisit her first trip but she had a sudden urge for chips. She giggled silently in her mind. Must be flashback cravings.

She threw herself in the ship and closed the door with a snap, already heading for her room, when a voice stopped her.

"You think it'll all last forever, people, cars and concrete, but one day it's all gone. I can't take you home again and I know you don't want to go. But I think you understand what I was trying to tell you that day a lifetime ago."

The TARDIS came to a shuddering stop.

The Doctor stepped out of the doors letting her see Earth for the first time since she had been given back to him.

"People, cars, and concrete," he repeated, gesturing in front of him. "They all disappeared for you that day on the beach, just like they had for me until you came into my life and showed me them again. I'm going to help you, Rose Tyler, just like you did for me, if you'll let me."

Rose just stared at him.

"I can smell chips," she said finally, an ironic echo from the past.

"Yeah." He was smiling again.

She sniffed deeply. The chips in the other world were nothing like these.

"I want chips, and this time you can pay, Time Lord."

The Doctor smiled and reached into his jacket pocket. "I have it covered this time, don't worry. Allons-y, Rose Tyler."


	13. Chapter 13

**I want to thank TheBigCat for her being great. honestly guys she wonderful. you guys have blown me away with your reviews you make me want to write more. amazing all of you. to all those who are following my story words can not express how happy I am that we are taking this trip together. Please keep reviewing the next 2 chapters are already written and I will post them in due course. I hope you enjoy chapter 13 I know I loved writing it. Allons-y**

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Rose's smiles lingered in The Doctor's mind long after the chips had been eaten. They were both back on the TARDIS now. She had long since retired to her room for the evening, but his thoughts stayed centered on the women asleep in her bed.

He could not rest. Too much had happened in the last day so instead he paced. The trip had worked. She had joked with him, grinned at him and, well, cursed at him. But the old Rose was still there. He had seen glimpses of it now. It gave him hope. Even if he could not win her heart again he could win back her hand in friendship, and that would be enough. He would hurt inside, but he could hold back those feelings. He had done it already for years.

The Doctor sighed just a little; his wanderings around the ship had led him right to her door. He brushed his fingers along her name with the faintest of touches. A longing to open the door just to make sure she was still there engulfed every fiber of his being. His hand was on the knob before he knew it. Somehow he restrained from throwing it open to check.

Instead, he let the hand drop and forced himself to take a step away and then another until he found the media room.

Another idea lit his head as he entered. He could not take her back to all the places they had gone to many chances of creating a paradox. But the memories were still stored in his head. He could show her, at least, his point of view and maybe with time she might want to show him the way she had seen it.

It would be like watching old home movies with a memory twist! He just had to make some adjustments to the TV and dig around in the attic for the memory storage balls. He had no idea why he had picked them up, he thought, scratching the side of his head. He preferred to keep his memories safe in his own head where they could not be used against him. But it would do for this task.

He set about preparing the TV. How should he go about this? Well, a movie night would be a good idea. Sit her down, explain it. Get her to talk again. It would work. It was a brilliant idea.

Tomorrow they would go to a leisure planet, one that hosted some of the best rides in the galaxies. It'd hopefully loosen her up some; help her relax. Give her a healthy way to scream and the games would help too. She could whack away her anger on Whack-a-Dalek. Instead of his face again.

The Doctor thought some good old fashioned fun would go a long way to help one Miss. Rose Tyler. Once they were done for the day, he would talk her into dinner in front of the telly and show her his memory. It was a good plan. He hummed loudly to himself as he stood and went toward the attic.

Rose laid in her room the darkness surrounding her. She stared at the swirling stars that covered her ceiling, cradling a leather jacket she had nicked from the ship's massive wardrobe before she had called it a night.

She brought it up to her nose for a long sniff. It still smelled like him. Her old Doctor. A hint of time, tea, and the faintest traces of banana. Rose could feel the tears prickling behind her eyes but managed to hold them at bay. She wrapped the jacket around her, imagining it was his arms and sighed in contentment.

It had been a strange day. First, waking up in the Tardis, which was impossible. The Time Lord was hiding something from her about that, but she was ignoring that for now. She beat the crap out of said Time Lord, visited her own past with him, and had chips, she could still taste them. But the strangest thing of all was the fact that he wanted to help her.

Rose was broken and they both knew it. She had felt glimpses of her old self emerge today even if they were brief. It had felt so right and yet so terribly wrong. Every time a part of her old self would show up her mind would shut down and press against that person. She guessed she was just not meant to be happy.

Rose had been happy once, maybe that was all she got. She sat up and pulled the jacket over her arms, letting the heavy weight of it settle over her shoulders as she lay back down. Her fingers absently traced the three letters above her heart softly. Her finger ran up and down the R-U-N over and over.

She loved this little piece of ink. The first words of the man's jacket she now wore. The word that had changed her life for the better and then for the worse. Rose got up from the floor and went to lie in her bed, removing the jacket as she did so, tossing it across the room to land in a chair. She would put it back in the morning. No sense dwelling on her old Doctor. He was gone.

The new Time Lord had taken his place, The man was a right old nutter, wanting to help her. She was beyond help. Just a dismal women who would never be happy again. How had her mother put it? A cold hearted bitch! And then slapped her. She had deserved it she knew she had but it had hurt more than physically.

Her mum had tried every approach to get her back. Tender, coddling. She had listened, she had raged, she had threatened but in the end she had enough and started to act just as cruelly towards Rose as she had been to herself. If her own mum could not stand her he would not last two weeks before he was dropping her off, weary from the domestics of it all. She sank further in the bed. But she would let the Time Lord try. It would be fun to see him lose for a change.

Her eyes were heavy now. The day's strangeness now pressing against her, urging her to close her eyes and sleep. Maybe the nightmares would leave her alone for the night She glanced over at the jacket laying in the chair.

No one but her would know.

She threw back her covers and strode over to the chair, picking up the jacket and carried it with her to lie back down. Maybe it would help keep her safe from the dreams, just for tonight.


	14. Chapter 14

**As always I must thank My super cool Beta TheBigCat, she makes my stories much better for you guys because if she did not you would be reading a big block of text. So make sure to check out some of her work.**

 **I want to thank all of you who reviewed chapter 13 words can not tell you how thrilled I am please keep reviewing and given me your thoughts. To all that have followed or Favorited this story again I thank you its a thrill to me to get on and see all of the names. Please drop me a pm a or a review I would love your thoughts as well.**

 **Also the next two chapters are written just so you guys know.**

 **This chapter was great fun to write as I used to work at Six Flags. It was fun to bring a little of that into my story. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did creating it. Allons-y**

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Rose awoke slowly the next morning- well, if it even was morning. She really had never figured out the whole traveling through time thing if you were floating in outer space. Was there ever morning?

The nightmares had not come- something had kept them at bay. Whether it was the jacket, TARDIS, or the fact that she was truly home, she had no idea. However, she was grateful for whatever it was. Rose felt energised for the first time in years. She was awake and hungry, and ready for an adventure, even if it meant she had to spend the day with the Time Lord.

Rose wondered where they would go today. He was never one to sit still for long. She got dressed and went to find the kitchen, hoping he would be busy elsewhere. No such luck. He was sitting at the table- a cup of tea in front of him and a jar of jam in his hands. He looked up guiltily as she entered.

Rose sighed a little- some things never changed. The countless mornings she had found the Doctor with his fingers in a jar of jam, or the one time she had walked in and found him at the counter with a banana covered in jam. "Disgusting," she said aloud, not bothering to conceal the disdain in her voice.

Luckily this morning there was no banana to be seen. She went over to the cabinet and pulled out a box of cereal and started looking for the milk. She found none.

"You're out of milk," she told him, not looking up.

"Haven't needed it for a while," he replied. "I'll pick up some next time we're on Earth. Still don't understand why it has to come from a cow."

Rose leaned against the counter and started to eat the cereal dry. For a few minutes all that could be heard was her crunching. She watched him dip his fingers absentmindedly back into the jam.

"For God's sake, use a spoon." She threw one at his head. He grabbed it before it could hit the mark. Grinning in thanks, he dipped the spoon in the jar.

"So where are we going today?"

The Time Lord took a second to lick the spoon before answering. "Thought we would go to Contourlington II. It's great fun- it's got rollercoasters and antigravity chambers, laser tag and Go Karts! Rose, I love Go Karts!"

He said it with such enthusiasm that Rose could not keep the smile from lighting up her face, even if it was fleeting.

"Okay, Time Lord," she said. "Let's go."

"Rose, do me a favour," he said, glancing over. "Don't call me Time Lord when we're there. Actually, don't call me Doctor, either."

She raised her eyebrows at him quizzically.

"I might have caused a bit of trouble with the aforementioned Go Karts the last time I was there," he said in response.

"What did you do?"

"I… might have used the sonic to make them go a bit faster."

"How fast?"

"40 miles," he answered sheepishly. "Technically, I'm banned from going back there. But that was my 6th self. They don't know this face."

"What do I call you then, Time Lord?"

"I don't know. I'm sure you'll think of something, though."

They left the kitchen and made it to the console room.

"Ready?" he asked.

Rose nodded her head in answer. He threw a lever on the ship, walking around it to hit the buttons as he did so. The TARDIS shook roughly, knocking them both of their feet as she landed with a bang. They glanced at each other- he was laughing like a loon and she was smiling.

He stood up and offered his hand to help her up but she ignored it and hopped to her feet, already out the door before he could blink.

Rose stood there. Her mouth gaped open, staring at the amusement park before her. Rides stretched as far as the eye could see. Rollercoasters of every size and shape imaginable and some were beyond imagination. A giant swing ride dominated the view. It seemed like it went on forever. The swings could be seen hovering just below the fluffy yellow clouds that dusted the violet sky.

The Doctor studied Rose's face as he stepped out after her. It was full of wonder, just like it had been the first time he took her to Platform One. She was so beautiful at this moment. He wanted to reach out and grasp her face and kiss her, but knew it would not be welcomed. So instead he grinned at her and started to walk, looking over his shoulder. "You coming or not?" he yelled back at her.

Rose caught up to him in three strides.

"What do you wanna do first?" he asked.

"That," she said pointing to a lime green giant of a rollercoaster. The drop alone was 400 feet with a double loop, four helixes and it was one that you laid on so it appeared as though you were flying. Suddenly that last bite of jam did not seem like it had been such a great idea. But he just grinned broadly at her. "Let's go."

The ride was fantastic. Rose felt the burst of adrenaline as the ride made its way to the top of the lift, then felt her stomach take a quick plunge as they fell down the hill. She giggled out loud as they made their way through the second loop and screamed with delight when they wound their way through the helixes. When the ride came to a stop and was pulling back into the station, she looked over at the man next to her.

His face was pale white and his deep brown eyes were wide with unexpressed terror. Rose couldn't help it- she burst out laughing. The Time Lord was petrified of what had just taken place. A rollercoaster scared the Oncoming Storm. Who knew? she was still laughing as they left the ride and, surprisingly, no feelings of guilt were present.

He had still not said a word, and that made her laugh harder- his gob had finally failed him. She was going to make him beg her to stop with the thrill rides. It was a new form of revenge for what he had done to her and she was going to enjoy every last minute of it.

She pointed to the next coaster and the next after that, then to the looping starship that was looping faster than any she had seen in her time. His face started to lose the pale look and started to tinge green. Her revenge was going perfectly.

Rose knew it was pathetic and petty but could not help it. She was giving him some of the pain he had given her even if it was not exactly the same, but just like when her fist had been hitting him if just felt too damn good to stop.

The Doctor stared at the monster he had created- this adrenaline drunk women that was laughing maniacally at him. Well, at least she was laughing at all. He was going to be sick if they didn't stop soon. He was pretty sure that was her plan. He was going to have to give up his pride and ask her to stop with the rides, just for an hour or two.

The Doctor stopped as she pointed to the teacups. There was no way he was getting on those. One spin and he would get rid of everything he had eaten in the last 900 years.

He shook his head at her.

"I'm done. You win. Please, Rose. No more, I can't do it. Please, don't make me."

She smiled at him and said, simply, "okay," and started to walk off, going straight for the aforementioned ride.

No, thought the Doctor. No, she wouldn't. But she looked at him and put that tongue between her teeth and said, "chicken."

He huffed and followed her to the ride, knowing she was not going to cave until he puked.

He set on the ride and managed to make it through four turns before his cheeks puffed out. He held it until the ride stopped, but the moment he was out of the cup, he ran to the trash can and promptly emptied his stomach contents. Once he was done, he glared up at Rose who calmly reached into her pocket and pulled out a mint and handed it to him. The Doctor popped in his mouth, sucking quickly, wanting the taste of sick gone.

Rose simply looked at him, the grin still on her mouth as she said in a sing-song voice, "now I win!"

She walked away.

The Doctor followed her and she slowed her pace just enough for him to catch up. "Now that I've won… what do you want to do?"

It surprised him that she had asked. He thought hard for a moment, then realized. It was perfect- another thing to let out her aggression.

"How about a game of Laser Tag? You can shoot me. Should be fun for you."

Rose considered. "You're right, it should. Let's do it!"

They spent the rest of the day playing Laser Tag, and then boardwalk games. Even the Doctor felt a little bad for the stuffed Daleks that Rose took great pleasure in bashing to bits. She had smiled the whole day, laughing a good part of it as well.

It had done her a world of good. He knew the pain was still there along with the anger. But she had felt joy today- pure joy- and that made him happy.

The day ended, of course, when they had to do what they always did.

Run.

He might have used the sonic to give the Go Karts a little more gas again. Just for the hell of it. But running away from the screaming operators with Rose Tyler by his side was worth being banned all over again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks to my Beta TheBigCat, thank you all that are following and reviewing I love it I do. This chapter gave me some trouble but im happy with it. and I have a feeling you guys are going to love the chapter after this one. its got moments. Allons-y**

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The day might have ended, but the Doctor was not finished yet. He had managed to convince Rose to have a movie night, he just had not shared the little fact that it was a 'home movie', so to speak.

As Rose settled onto the couch with a bowl of popcorn, he in turn set up the ball of memories, she looked at him a bit oddly but did not offer comment to his unusual actions. He finished what he started, and the lights of the room dimmed so the projection could be seen more clearly.

He had thought long and hard about which memory to show her first. He knew that she was not ready to face her memories of this him, so stuck with his old self. The memory started to become less fuzzy and he saw the old him, leaning against his ship as she ran up the stairs leading to her mum's flat. The Doctor had chosen to start there.

Rose looked on shocked as she realized what she was seeing. This was him trying to help, just like when he had brought her back to their first true adventure together.

She opened her mouth to say something but stopped. She had told herself she would let him try. So she watched as the old Doctor took a look at a poster on a lightpost, a look of panic in his eyes as he rushed up the stairs after her. Busting into her mum's flat without so much as a knock and announced

"12 months. Not 12 hours. You've been gone a whole year… sorry."

Rose sat there, staring at herself and her mum through his eyes. Her face was a mix of barely hidden emotions and so easy to read.

The officer showed up asking all sorts of questions and she saw herself answering 'traveling'. Honestly, had she really been that dumb? Had she really been so thick to think her mother would buy that excuse?

Ooh… and her mum's face. She was mad as a hornet, she should have seen the slap coming. She knew that look in her mum's eyes, but her mind was a million miles away back then. Rose grinned when her mother screamed.

"Stitch this mate!" and hit him bang right across the cheek.

Rose laughed out loud- it was the 'you kinda deserved that- but I'm sorry she hit you- know how bad it hurts though' sort of laugh. Honestly, her face went through a ring of emotions in about five seconds.

The memory changed. They were on the roof of the building. She was sitting on the ledge, he was leaned up against the wall. Rose remembered this exchange well, and smiled, thinking back to the first time he had told her his age. She had been a bit shell-shocked. Even today, it was still one hell of an age difference.

As Rose watched the screen, the Doctor watched her, taking in every reaction her face made. She was so engrossed in the film she took no notice of his gaze.

He had taken a chance with this memory. He knew the laugh would come when her mum slapped him. But he also knew that the moment was coming the first time he had vocalized his feelings towards her.

"I could save the world but lose you."

He had already been in love with her and just had not known it yet. In that body he was hard pressed to admit to anything let alone the strange feelings this teenage girl had evoked.

He reached a hand out for some popcorn and popped a piece in his mouth and then dislodged it as fast as he could. Pear-flavoured popcorn. Gross. He saw Rose peek at him. "Problem?" she softly asked.

"Pear, Rose, really? That's just mean."

"I like it," she replied, and took a big handful, turning back to the show.

He hated pears and she knew it. This was just like with the rides earlier. A way to get revenge. She was really mad at him, he knew, but if she kept this up he was going to end up in Bedlam from a psychotic breakdown.

Hopefully a breakthrough would come soon for her and her anger would abate. It already had a little- she had not hit him again. At least now she had moved on to psychological torture. The Doctor wasn't sure which one he preferred.

He took a swig of tea to chase the taste of evil out of his mouth- and inched the popcorn as discreetly as possible closer to Rose. He didn't want to unintentionally have another mouthful. He chanced a glance at the screen and realized they were at Downing Street, now locked in the room. The words were coming. He stared at her face out of the corner of his eye, waiting for the reaction.

Rose snickered to herself as the popcorn bowl was pushed closer to her again but she just nudged it back. She was hoping he would be stupid enough to do it twice. It was mean but hell, it was fun.

It was a little fun watching the adventure playing out on the screen, not that she would admit it to the Time Lord. There were many parts that she had not seen the first time- the hospital, the room in Downing Street. It was interesting watching his perspective of the events that had taken place.

She stared at her younger self, the trust so evident in her eyes for the man across the room- a man she barely knew. As she told him to 'do it,' even though she had no idea what it was, his reply came quickly.

"You don't even know what it is. You'd just let me?"

"Yeah." Her voice never wavered or faltered as they had this conversation.

Rose thought back to that moment- the things she had felt. Trust was there, a good bit of fear as well, and hope. Undeniable hope.

Rose had not known if she would live or die but she still had hope that they could end it.

Her eyes widened. Oh no. She knew what was coming next- those words. She had pushed them down- way down- into the depths of her soul in order to hide from them. These were the words and the long look that had started her slow descent into that painful emotion that was love. Even if she had not been aware of it at the time.

Rose closed her eyes. She would have covered her ears as well, but that would have been too noticeable. She would not give him the pleasure of seeing how this was affecting her.

The words came and she had to open her eyes. She got a little breathless as she caught the gaze of the man on screen and her heart hurt just a little. The way he was staring at her, the look in his eyes was unmistakable but she had been so young and brash she had not realized what it was.

She made her eyes stay firmly on the screen refusing to look at the man next to her. She could feel his eyes on her now but would not speak. The rest of the scene played out- her brilliant idea of the cupboard, the way his hand fit in hers.

Rose could still feel it. Large and rough but gentle with her. Their hands had always fit together, no matter which body he was in.

The memory began to phase out and the room grew bright again. Now she would have to talk to him. She couldn't get around it without looking like a wimp and Rose Tyler was no wimp. She turned her body slightly and raised her head, chin proudly poking out a bit. She waited for him to say something.

He stood there, staring at her trying to gather his words he needed to push her, but not push her so hard that she would bolt. It was a fine line he was walking and one word or gesture and she would be out the door and in her room in a blink.

She was stone again at the moment, but he had seen her eyes close, and her breath hitch when the words had been said, seen the look of recognition in her eyes when she realized that he had great feelings for her back then, and yet the old him in leather had voiced it better than he ever could.

He opened his mouth and spoke slowly. "I meant it when I said I could save the world and lose you. Rose, I had only known you a short time but already I cared. You were a bright spot for my shadow to stand in and I did not want to lose that. And you trusted me, Rose. Back when you barely knew me and yet you trusted me fully, deeply. It affected me and scared the hell out of me as well. It hurts that you don't trust me anymore, Rose."

The Time Lord spoke the last sentence so faintly that Rose almost didn't catch it.

"You lost that trust the moment you put that button around my neck," she said, with just a hint of anger that was quickly growing. "I was young and naive and a bit blown away by you. But I'm not 19 anymore, Time Lord. I'm a woman now. You hurt me so many times! The trust started to go away. You would become closer to me and then run as fast as you could, and I was too dumb, too much of a stupid ape! Too stupid to understand why! Always blamed myself, I did. But it was all you!"

And with that statement she threw the popcorn at his head and left the room.

He rubbed his head where the bowl had hit and brushed away the kernels. He was going to smell like popcorn and pears for a week, he thought gloomily, but she had opened up a bit more. So one more victory for him.


	16. Chapter 16

**I want to thank my great Beta TheBigCat she does such a great job. Now I must warn you guys that she is busy with school at the moment so the chapters are being edited just a bit slower then before and her school comes first so just be patient I promise they will be up before you know it. I have already written the next 3 and she has them for Editing purposes.**

 **I want to say thank you to everybody that has reviewed and followed and favorite this story it makes me Happy-Happy- don't have to buy any of it thanks to you guys.**

 **This chapter has some great moments well at least I think they are great moments. you guys let me know what you think. Allons-y**

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The Doctor was walking down the corridor, looking for Rose -she had been hiding since the night before. He could hear music blasting out, so decided to follow the noise. It was highly likely that Rose was at the end of it.

 _Face down in the dirt/this doesn't hurt/I've finally had enough._

The lyrics jumped out at him as he drew closer. Okay, that was new. The last time he heard her play music it had always been a pop vibe, nothing like this angry style for sure.

The song changed as another took its place and the volume increased a little more. He found himself outside her door again.

 _Let's talk this over/it's not like we're dead/was it something I did?/Was it something you said?/Don't leave me hanging in a city so dead/held up so high/on such a breakable thread._

The Doctor had a feeling the song was about him or at least how she felt. He knew should move, walk away and give her privacy but his feet would not move. It was like they were glued to the spot. Forcing him to listen to the heartbreaking lyrics.

 _You were all the things I thought I knew/And I thought we could be/You were everything, everything that I wanted/We were meant to be/supposed to be but we lost it/And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away/All this time you were pretending/So much for my happy ending_

She thought he had been pretending with his feelings- that hurt. He once again tried to leave, not wanting to hear the rest of the song. The guilt was already eating at him, he had made her this way.

But his ship was having none of it he tried to wrench his feet up but they stayed solidly on the floor. He was truly stuck. He glared at the ceiling and pleaded in his mind to be released, but as usual the TARDIS ignored him.

 _It's nice to know that you were there/Thanks for acting like you cared/And making me feel like I was the only one/It's nice to know we had it all/Thanks for watching as I fall/And letting me know we were done/You were everything I wanted_

The music lowered and clicked off. He heard something hit the wall by the door and shatter. He secretly hoped it was the CD. Quiet sobs reached his ears. He leaned his head against the door begging silently for her to stop crying.

The TARDIS had released the hold she had on him but still he could not force himself away. Her tears had immobilized him. He wanted to open the door and kiss away her tears. He wanted to make her better like she had made him.

The battle may have been won last night, but a war was still raging within Rose. She was twisted and dark but the occasional glimmers of brightness could still be seen at times when she laughed. But then the emptiness would enter her eyes again.

It had to change and the Doctor knew it. The memories were helping, though he had only shown her one so far. But she had opened up a little bit, gave him some insight on how she felt. The trust was going to be hard to get back but he would earn it if it was the last thing he did. He wanted her hand in his again and he wanted those words again. He wanted Rose again.

Her sobs had finished. He heard a few sniffles and a small sigh.

His head was still against the door when it came flying open, throwing him off-balance and right into a startled Rose knocking them both to the ground. Their feet were intertwined and his hands had gone up to cup the back of her head as they fell.

Which left them both in a very awkward position. Their faces were centimetres apart. Close enough so he could see the tear tracks still drying on her face. He removed one hand from where it was tangled in her hair and gently wiped the rest of the tears off of her cheeks.

She was so very still. He could feel her heart fluttering against his chest and her breathing quicken at his touch. Was this why she was so adamant about him touching her? She was still affected by him, even with all the anger that bubbled underneath her skin. He grinned. Inside, she still had feelings for him. Strong ones. And his touch made them flare up like the brightest of stars.

 _Brilliant_ , he thought. _I can work with this_.

He wanted to kiss her right then, but knew not to push it that far that fast. There was still work to be done. He lifted his head further back and reluctantly released the hold he had on her hair and cheek, sitting himself up. She slowly set up as well. He grinned at her. "Hello."

"Hi," she said. "What were you doing outside my door?"

Rose was going to pretend that nothing had happened when he landed on her. She was going to ignore the look she had seen in his eyes when he had gazed at her on the floor and most definitely she was going to ignore that her heart had skipped a beat when his hand had brushed away the few remaining tears from her face.

"I was just out for a wander," he said nonchalantly. "Ended up here."

"Okay..." she said sceptically. He stood up and held out a hand to help her up, she took it without a second thought. He released her as soon as she stood, but he noticed her face scowl down at her traitorous hand that had grasped his so willingly.

He grinned at her again and glanced around her room. He had not been in here before- he had respected her privacy enough to never enter even after she was gone. The room suited her. Dark wood walls, beautiful deep blue carpeting and shelves upon shelves full of various knick-knacks that she had picked up on her journeys with him. The floor was covered with clothing and a few books were scattered here and there. Next to the door was the CD, broken into a few pieces. His gaze fell to the bed and stopped in the centre was a jacket. One he would recognize anywhere.

His jacket.

Dear Rassilon, she was sleeping with his leather jacket. She was sleeping with him. Well… at least, a part of him- okay, the old part of him- but still the point still stood. She was sleeping with him.

He made sure to keep the smile off his face and pointedly stared at the bookcase across from him, giving her time to hide it if she so wished. Sure enough, when he looked at her again she was sitting on her bed and the jacket was out of sight. He beamed broadly at her.

"I like your room. It's so very _you_ , Rose Tyler."

"Thanks," she replied, with no small amount of suspicion.

"So what do you wanna do today? We could pop back to the media room, watch another movie, go see Jack, or Mickey! Ruin his honeymoon. Did I tell you he's married now? Still saving the world, Mickey the idiot!" he added fondly, thinking to himself, should probably go see him anyway. _They all thought I was dead_.

Rose set there in deep thought, only half listening to his ramblings.

Had he seen the jacket lying on her bed? She could not bear to return it. She had tried but just could not do it. She had two peaceful nights of sleep. It was helping. He must not have or he would have said something, a comment on it. When she had looked up from her hand, the Time Lord had been staring at her shelf like it had held the answers to life itself.

Wait a second.

Did he just say Mickey was married?

"What?" she screeched. "He's _what_?"

"Married," The Time Lord repeated happily.

"To who?"

"Former companion of mine. You've met her."

She remembered what he said about Donna getting married and gaped at him. "Mickey married Donna?"

The Time Lord burst into laughter at that. "No! No!" he howled. "He married Martha Jones!"

 _Well_ , Rose thought. That just fit perfectly. Save the world and then get married.

"I have got to see this," Rose told the man in front of her. Mickey Smith married. That's a turn up for the books.

"Let's go see him," she said, getting up with a bounce in her step, a bounce that she thought she had lost years ago. The tears were now long forgotten, the grief gone for the moment. "Let's go see Mickey the Idiot!"

She grabbed his hand without thinking and ran out the door. He decided not to mention it to her and happily dashed down the hall with her.


	17. Chapter 17

**I want to thank my amazing Beta TheBigCat shes wonderful.**

 **This chapter gave me a bit of trouble but I love how it turned out please let me know what you think. As matter of fact if I can get 10 reviews I will post the next chapter early and trust me you want to read it. lol its got a memory in it but not telling you which one but its a favorite ep. so I think 10 is easy. a smiley face a giggle like** **hopelessromantic4life loves to give would mean the world.**

 **I want to thank everybody who has reviewed you guys that review every chapter thank you. You are great. This story is now on 22 peoples favorites and being followed by 42 people that is amazing so thank you to all of you.**

 **Allons-y**

* * *

Rose followed the Time Lord out of the blue box and into a living room. Voices were coming from the front door of the house. She could hear Mickey telling his wife he had heard the TARDIS but Martha was telling him he was an idiot.

The front door opened and Rose could hear their argument continuing as they came down the hall.

"The Doctor said goodbye though," Martha was saying. "He wouldn't be coming back. We both know it. So there's no way you heard the TAR0-" She cut herself off as they turned the corner into the living space.

There, before Martha's astounded eyes, sat the TARIDS and the Doctor. Martha turned to Mickey.

"Okay, the TARDIS and the Doctor are in or living room you were right, you're not an idiot. But he is." And with that she launched herself across the room and into his waiting arms. She gave him a quick hug and then slapped him across his cheek. "That's for not saying a proper goodbye!"

"Yeah, he has a habit of that."

Martha turned her head at the same time Mickey bounded across the room and pulled the woman standing there into a tight hug. Martha stared at Rose Tyler- the woman who had held both Mickey's and the Doctor's hearts for so long. She smiled- she was back with him. That was relieving news to her.

Mickey and her had sat up talking about it two weeks before, after the Doctor's silent goodbye. They knew he was about to regenerate. Mickey had been beside himself trying to figure out where Rose had been. He had convinced himself that she must have died.

The look in the Doctor's eyes had held such pain. The same pain Mickey had seen in his eyes that day at Canary Wharf when he had sent her away, he had told Martha.

She knew her husband was very happy to see Rose again. She glanced back at the Doctor who had his hand on his very red cheek. He looked guiltily at her and said, "yeah, I guess I deserved that. You slap like your Mum."

She grinned at him. "Don't you forget it."

She gestured towards Rose and Mickey- they still had not released each other and tears were falling from Rose's eyes. "I'm going to go make some tea. Be back in a sec. You," she added, pointing at the Doctor. "are going to come and help."

He glanced at Rose and Mickey and looked torn. Martha then knew something had happened and whatever it was, a happy reunion had not taken place this time. She grabbed his arm, forcing him to follow her out of the room. Once in the kitchen she went about making the drinks.

The Doctor sat down heavily at the table, and sighed out loudly. "Out with it Martha, let the questions begin."

"What happened, Doctor?" Martha asked. "You were saying goodbye, and now you're here. What happened to Rose? Mickey thought she was dead! We thought you had regenerated, that we were never going to see you again! Then you turn up in our house two weeks later as if nothing happened! I want answers. Don't you lie to me."

The Doctor stared at Martha. She deserved answers, but he was still so confused himself. How did he even begin to explain what was going on? So he started simply. "I was regenerating. You and Mickey got that correct. But he stopped it. My Meta-Crisis." He pulled at his ear. "Still don't know how. He was dead, and then he was there telling me I had a choice, and Rose was there and... and.. and…"

He stopped, trying to steady himself. Martha reached across the table and took his hand. Gently she said, "Start from the beginning, from when you let me out of the TARDIS."

He took a deep breath and told her everything, tearing up in parts. When he told her what he had done to Rose she slapped him again, but let him keep talking. He told her of Rose's anger toward him, her hurt and that Rose was not Rose any longer, just a shell of who she used to be. He told her of his plan to try to bring part of Rose back.

When he was done they sat there quietly together until Martha's voice broke the silence. "Doctor, she's right to be mad at you, but she doesn't hate you."

"I know, but I think Rose is never going to love me again."

"Time will tell," was her reply. "It always does. Don't give up. Never say never right?"

He gave her a little grin.

"If it helps, Doctor," she continued. "I think your plan's a good one, showing her who she used to be should help from a medical standpoint. Rose has been depressed for a long time and buried her emotions in order to protect herself from them. I bet she lived life like normal in that other world. Doing the same things every day and never grieving properly. By showing her who she used to be it might force her to confront those emotions and let her heal. Have you done it yet? Shown her any?"

"Two. I took her back to our first adventure- the world ending- and then showed her another one just last night."

"How did she respond?"

"Pretty good, actually. There were times I could see her just underneath and then she would put her walls up again."

"Well, keep at it, that's all I'm going to say. If you're getting results, just keep trying."

They sat there in silence again as thoughts went through each of their minds, pondering on everything the other said.

* * *

Mickey and Rose finally broke from their embrace in order to sit on the couch and talk. Rose kept trying to deflect the conversation back at Mickey but he was having none of it. He knew something was wrong. He knew Rose almost as well as he knew himself. She could not hide from him- they had been friends for too long. She was sad and angry and truly not Rose.

"What's his lordship done Rose? Did he go and snog another French aristocrat?"

Rose bit back a laugh. Oh, if only it were that simple.

"No," she replied. "He left me on that bloody beach in Norway again, with his gay clone, thinking we would live happy ever after! Then took off again without even a goodbye. Leaving me alone. You were right all this time, Mickey. I really was just another companion for him."

She was incredibly upset. The only time Mickey had ever seen her this distressed was the months after the goodbye on Bad Wolf Bay. She had laid in her bed and cried for a month. Then she had gotten angry, and then she had found a way back, and then the bloody bastard had left her again and he called him an idiot.

He gazed at Rose. She was different. Her eyes didn't catch the light the way they once had, hardly a glimmer appeared there. That Doctor had hurt her just like Mickey always said he would, but Mickey did not feel boastful at the thought of being right anymore. He just felt mournful for his friend.

Rose had fought so unyieldingly to get back to the man she loved, and then it had all went to hell. He only saw a bit of Rose left in her. He hoped the Doctor had a plan because if he didn't, Mickey was going to knock that alien into his next life.

He had broken Rose, so he'd better fix her.

They set there talking for hours. Rose did not bring up what had happened in the parallel world and he did not push her. This was how their relationship had always worked.

When the Doctor and Martha appeared again from the kitchen, it was late. They said their goodbyes and Rose went into the ship first. Martha hugged the Doctor.

"Good luck," she whispered, and went towards their room.

Mickey grabbed his arm just before he could follow Rose through the doorway. He turned the Time Lord around sharply and said just four words.

"Fix her or die!"

He then gave the man a pointed look, stepped back and released him. The Doctor gave him a terse nod, turned on a heel and shut the door. The TARDIS disappeared into the night.

* * *

Rose sat in her room thoughts jumbled in her brain, a million feelings scattering this way and that. Every time she stopped to think about one thing another would jump in its way.

Today had been interesting. That was a safe word- interesting. Seeing Mickey had been a huge pleasure. He had not pressed, he had just let her be. It was so Mickey, she loved him for that. He was happy and she was thrilled for him and Martha- a little bit jealous, but thrilled nonetheless.

She was still a little confused with Martha's remarks about the Doctor saying goodbye or not saying goodbye but did not dwell on it for long, brushing the thought aside as quickly as it had come into focus.

This morning had been difficult. Rose could not figure out why. Her emotions were everywhere, had been for the last three days. Ever since she had shown back up.

She was angry one second and singing to loud hard music and crying the next, and quickly switching from there into her 'throwing things' mode.

Then he had been in her room and other emotions had taken hold. Feelings of neediness; of longing. She had wanted him to keep touching her. But she did not want him to touch her.

It was so confusing. She had taken his hand once for him to help her, and once on her own accord. She stared at that hand, now. It had betrayed her and done what it wanted to do. But it had felt so right to have his hand in hers again.

 _No, Rose. Stop it!_

His hand and hers belonged nowhere near each other's anymore. The Time Lord would only hurt her again and she would not survive a third time.

Three cheerful knocks broke her from her musings. She rose from her spot and opened the door. He stood there, all pinstripes and smiles. "How about another movie? I have ice cream, five different flavours. I even got you pear flavour."

He shuddered at the words, she almost smiled but did not give in, but she could not help the quiver as it passed her lips. Her eyebrows raised slightly.

"Well since you have ice cream, I guess I can do with another movie."

His smile grew larger and he wiggled his fingers at her. "Come on then."

Rose's traitorous hand reached out and took his again. It was like she couldn't help it.

She glanced at their joined hands as they walked down the hall. Maybe she could do this again. If she was going to live here and be around him, she might as well hold his hand sometimes. It wasn't like she was going to give him her heart again, this would be fine. Rose really truly believed that this hand holding would lead to nothing more.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks to TheBigCat for edited shes wonderful she also really liked this chapter. so I bet you guys will as well. make sure to hit that button marked reveiw**

 **Thanks to all of you that reviewed and followed and favorited please keep doing it it makes me feel great lol and I do respond at least i try to. well on to the newest chapter Allons-y**

* * *

The promised ice cream was sitting on the table when Rose walked into the room. She had not indulged in ages and she fully planned to fill her stomach tonight. She dropped the Time Lord's hand and eagerly made her way towards the treat.

He had set out spoons and sprinkles, sauce and a billion different candies including the jelly babies he favoured. She popped a few cherry ones in her mouth and moaned in delight as the flavours burst forth on her tongue.

Meanwhile, he had another ball in his hand and she resigned herself to the fact that another memory was about to play. But she was also eagerly anticipating it. Even though they stirred emotions she had long buried, the memories were triggering parts of her old self.

Rose was starting to wonder if the Time Lord knew they were working. She was beginning to think he might have found a way to fix her. Which made her emotions go crazy; she had wanted him to see him fail. But now a part of her hoped he would succeed.

Her heart would never be open to him again, but she wanted at least a part of her old self back. The part of herself that could smile and laugh without feeling guilty for doing so. So she settled back against the bean bag that the Tardis had provided her, with a big bowl of ice cream and waited for the show to start.

She could feel the Time Lord settle in next to her with his own bowl. Rose looked over and their eyes met and held. He tentatively smiled. "You ready?"

She nodded her head a little too eagerly and his smile broadened a bit. She ducked her head and could feel the heat on her cheeks. _Crap_. He could still make her turn red with just a look. Note to self: work on that.

The sounds of the memory started to play and the lights dimmed automatically. There she was smiling brightly and asking him to run a scan on alien tech. She mimicked the sentence at the same time the memory did. "Give me some Spock for once. Would it kill you?"

The man next to her laughed in giddy delight at the Rose on screen and the one next to him. "You remembered!"

She cocked her head to the side. "Yeah, guess I did."

She was curious about this memory. There was so much she had not been there for since she was first hanging from a barrage balloon in an air raid and then with Jack in his ship. _Moonlight Serenade_ went through her head even as she watched the events play out on screen.

The Doctor, meanwhile was watching Rose again, He was liking these memories more and more. She would become so engrossed that he could study her, take in the minute expressions as they came upon her face. He automatically categorized them, wanting to remember every one.

He had not mentioned the hand holding that had taken place on the way to the media room and just let it be. But his nerves still tingled from where their palms had been pressed. It was not the intertwined hand holding they had done in the past, but it was a good start. He wanted to reach over and grab it again but was not going to push his luck.

He knew that on a physical level Rose still found him attractive. The moment in her room earlier today had proven that fact, and the blush that had lit her face this evening just confirmed it all the more. He could not wait to get his hands on her again even if it was only in the platonic sense, and he had plans to do just that as soon as the memory ended.

He was going to make her dance with him. Just like they had done once before. After all, the world doesn't end if the Doctor dances. This him and her had never danced; never had the chance, they had always been too busy running. Hopefully she would let him.

The music was all cued up. However, he also knew that if Rose allowed them to dance that she would flee out of the room as soon as it was over. Punishing herself for giving in to her emotions, both past and present.

So, thinking ahead, he had soniced the door so she would have to face him instead of fleeing. Running was something they most definitely had in common.

Rose's bowl clattered to the floor drawing his attention from her face down to her hands. They were clenched in her lap as the gas masked people in the room cornered them. He was well aware that both of them knew it would end well. But it was still scary.

He reached out tentatively, unsure if his touch would be welcomed, and was pleasantly surprised when she jumped and grabbed his hand, holding it tightly with hers. His hearts rejoiced he did not care that she had done it out of fear, because she was allowing him to touch her. His hand tightened around hers a little more.

The rest of the memory played out and Rose's hand stayed firmly in his grasp, even after the scarier parts were done. His thumb rubbed absently over her soft skin in a soothing manner, hoping that she would not pull away once she realized what she was doing.

Rose was very much aware of the hand holding hers. It sent shivers coursing through her but she could not seem to remove it from where it was. Unconsciously she tightened her grip. Let him make of it what he wanted, but right now that hand was staying firmly in hers. She would deal with the ramifications latter. It just felt so right. Plus, she had already decided that hand holding wasn't going to lead anywhere. After all, it hadn't in the past. Because of him, Rose was smarter this time around. So it would lead to nothing, once again.

She had missed this, though. Sitting, watching a movie with a hand to hold. She had not realized how much until this moment. So her hand stayed in his and she tried to ignore his fingers as they brushed against hers softly. The memory ended with them dancing across the platform, smiles beaming, hers brighter than the sun.

Rose looked up to see him watching her unabashedly. She gently released his hand and turned to face him more fully.

The Time Lord was gazing at her intently again and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks as she tried to battle it back, but failed to do so. He stood up and held out a hand she took it and rose, but he did not drop it. Instead, music filled the room.

The Time Lord, still gazing into her eyes, uttered her words from yesteryear back at her.

"Dance with me? Because the world doesn't end if you and I dance, Rose Tyler."

Rose didn't know if it was because of the song, the long forgotten memories, or the way he said her name. All she could do was nod her head. Her voice would show all the feelings that were coursing through her if she spoke now.

His arms were around her then, and Rose's breath caught. She should not be doing this but her arms betrayed her and reached for his shoulders and his found their way to her lower back. The song played on, the lyrics hauntingly beautiful.

 _Take me into your loving arms/Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars/Place your head on my beating heart_

She felt herself relaxing against him as he pulled her closer. A small part of her kept saying, _no, this can't be happening, it shouldn't be happening._ But the other part of her was screaming _yes._ It felt so very good to be in his arms again.

By the time the song was over Rose had tears on her face from the silent war that was raging within her, and her head had found its way to his chest, just between his hearts.

She drew back slowly and released him as if he had burned her.

* * *

The Doctor was quite happy. She was dancing with him, and closely too. When her hands had twined around his neck, he had held his breath thinking this would be the moment she bolted, but she had stayed. Then her head ended up on his chest and his mind hummed with contentment and he had tightened his grip further.

He knew the song was coming to an end. The last notes of the melody were coming faster than he would have liked. His eyes fell to her face, where the tears had already started to fall.

She was fighting a battle with her emotions and losing. He knew the battle well. As the last notes of the song drifted away, he felt her withdraw into herself, and she stepped back so quickly it would have shocked him if had not prepared for just this to happen.

He watched as she ran to the door, trying to escape the feelings that were overwhelming her. The curse that followed when she found the door locked did not faze him. She stared at the door and spoke harshly, anger barely contained. "Open it." Then, as an afterthought, "Please."

He could hear her voice wavering with each word, could feel the anger and confusion rolling off her body, but also knew from years of experience that running was not going to help her. "No running, Rose. We're going to talk about what you're feeling. I told you I was going to help and I meant it. Don't you want to get better?"

She turned. He could see the battle raging in her eyes and feared for a moment she was going to come across the room and hit him again, but finally the rage ebbed and she made her way back to sit back in the bean bag she had vacated earlier.

"Talking does not work. Doc-" she stopped herself suddenly, then continued. "-Time Lord. But I told myself I would let you try. So go ahead. Try."

The Doctor stared. The wall was back in place but there were chips. Tiny cracks had appeared and he was going to put a hole in that wall of hers tonight.


	19. Chapter 19

**You guys all know who I am going to thank first. Thats right TheBigCat My great Beta who fix's my mistakes and truly helps with the commas and periods, and spacing Honestly guys if it was not for her you would not be reading. lol**

 **I want to thank all who reviewed the last couple of chapters but the support I got on chap 18 amazing amazing amazing you guys are amazing. Please keep it up it gives me a thrill to open my inbox and see reviews truly it makes my day. once again you guys are amazing.**

 **I am going to give warning for this chapter mentions of hurting one self is in it so if that is a trigger for you please don't read I don't want to trigger anybody. It does not go into graphic detail but it had to be added to advance the story where it needs to go.**

 **Next chapter is Epic you wont want to miss it. was one of my favorites to write. Ok enough of my ramblings Allons-y**

* * *

The silence stretched out, hovering over both their heads. He saw Rose's eyes keep flicking to the door. She was itching to escape. But he had told his ship not to open it no matter how much Rose begged. His ship had agreed, but only because she knew they needed to talk. So he started off slowly. This was new ground for him. While he loved to talk, his gob was now failing him.

"Talk to me, Rose. Just talk about anything. Yell at me- smile, laugh, cry- but you have to let it go, Rose. You need to give in to these feelings. Stop running."

"I can't." She wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Why not?"

"If I stop-" she took a deep breath, and then another.

"If you stop, Rose? What would happen? Tell me."

"I'll die!" she screamed, then covered her mouth quickly. He reached up and pulled her hand away holding it firmly.

Her pupils were wide and her breath was hitched and words started to tumble from her mouth. If he were not a Time Lord they would have made no sense; they were coming so fast.

"I'll die, if I let myself feel for too long, I'll die. I tried once right after you dropped us on that beach, I was waiting for you for days! Kept thinking it was a joke, yeah. That you'd be back for me. I was an idiot! Then I passed out and then I was in a hotel and then home and you still weren't there. I let myself feel everything and then I wanted to feel nothing. I tried drinking myself to oblivion, that didn't work. Just made me pass out for a bit. So I took a bottle of pills from the cabinet and swallowed them. Your clone found me on the bathroom floor, barely breathing and got help... but I tried again with a knife. I failed. Mum found me that time."

He glanced at her wrists. There were no marks. She noticed him looking. "You won't find any."

She took another audible breath in. "Then, when nothing worked, I just stopped trying. I learned that if I did not feel anything- no laughter, no anger, no love, no pain- it was easier. I could live and could try to be the person you wanted me to be. But she's gone. That person was left on a beach with a copy and she's gone and she's never coming back. This is who I am, Doctor."

His name had slipped without her meaning it to.

"Dalek Caan was right, that day. One of your Children of Time would die, and it was me. You caused it all! Rose is gone... and as much as I would like her to come back- for _me_ to come back, I don't think it's possible."

"Never say never, Rose," said the Doctor gently. "You've laughed the last couple of days. You've felt anger, and sadness, and even joy." He reached up to cup her face. "It hasn't killed you," he told her. "You can feel, Rose. You just have to trust yourself. You have to bend before you break." His hand stroked her cheek. "Let something loose."

He could see her eyes glinting with tears that she fought back valiantly. She was quickly losing the battle.

He continued to cup her face. "It's okay, Rose. You won't die if you cry. Think about it. You've already cried. I heard you this morning in your room. The world didn't end. Let it go, Rose, and don't feel the guilt."

His eyes seemed to pierce into her soul and with a sob of defeat; she was crying. Not angry tears from this morning or the sobs for all she had lost. Rose was crying because she needed to cry. For no other reason than because her soul needed to.

His hands stayed on her face, wiping the tears as they fell, and then suddenly he had a lap full of Rose as she clung desperately to his shirt, the sobs still wracking her body. The dam had broken, a wall had cracked and a part of it fell away.

He sat there, just holding her; rubbing her back as her distress poured out in torrents. His mind was set on comforting her but her words kept coming back to haunt him.

His other self had said it had been bad, but had not gone into any details. He had said she wanted it to end. But the Doctor never thought she had tried. Pills, knifes, alcohol... she had tried everything short of putting a gun to her head.

He was very thankful to the other him for finding her all those times and saving her life for him.

But his Rose, his beautiful Rose, had almost succeeded, and when she had failed, she chose not to feel anything. He knew that feeling well.

He had come close with the Racnoss, and then again in New York with Martha- and the Mars base, where he thought that Time itself should bend towards his will because he had lost it all, and most recently his almost-regeneration. He had almost stopped, just let it end.

He needed to show her he understood where she was coming from. She had stopped crying and he still held her on his lap cradling her. She pulled back and saw his shirt was soaked.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

He smiled gently at her. "I've had worse things on this shirt then Rose-tears. Do you feel better?"

"Mainly embarrassed," she muttered, turning red again. The Doctor tipped her face up.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about, Rose. But guess what? You cried and just admitted you were embarrassed. I call that progress Rose Tyler. And do you wanna die?"

Rose shook her head back and forth hesitantly. "No, I feel… I feel…" She stopped. "I don't know how I'm feeling. I'm tired. Can I go to bed now?"

He stood up with her in his arms and headed towards the door.

"Oi!" she complained. "I can walk, you know."

He nodded his head and placed her feet on the floor, helping steady her. He dropped a quick kiss to her hair before stepping back.

It was so quick that Rose almost thought she had imagined it. He tucked his hands in his pockets. "G'night, Rose."

"Good night." And before she left the room, he heard her whisper softly, "thank you, Doctor."

He could not help the grin that came over his face. "You're very welcome, Rose Tyler," he whispered back.

He settled himself back down on the beanbag and his mind went into hyperdrive. It had all happened so fast- the handholding, the dance, the tears, her in his lap. But her words kept coming back, as well. Especially the one phrase regarding her wrists. _You won't find any._

But why, he wondered. Why wouldn't he find any?

He thought back to when she had hurt herself on his face. Her hand had not looked as bad as it should. Now, no scars were there. There should have been marks of some kind.

It was a riddle he could not solve. The TARDIS sent waves of comfort through to him as he pondered to solve the problem. He gave up about two hours later. Hopefully, once Rose fully trusted him again she would let him ask some questions and he would run tests. Then he would find out.

Rose, meanwhile, was in her room. The crying had been exhausting. But now she felt better then she had, since...well. She couldn't truthfully remember the last time she had felt this good.

He was right. She did not die just because she felt something. She wasn't feeling any guilt, and that was exhilarating. She felt light as a feather. Rose tried to hold onto that feeling as she got ready for bed.

She wrapped the jacket around her shoulders and sank into her mattress, the dance coming back into her thoughts. The fast, fun one she had shared with her daft Doctor and the slower one she had just shared with this one.

Her heart fluttered a bit as she remembered his hands on her back. But she pushed it down. The barriers may have cracked a bit tonight where her emotions had been buried for so long but she was determined to keep the wall surrounding her heart strong.

Even though she knew she still loved the man in the pinstripes, she would never show him. Never give him a hint.

Because if he guessed- if he kissed her- then everything she had worked to build would crumble and come to pieces. And if Rose was certain of one thing in this new life she had found herself in, it was this: she would not survive a fall like that again.

As she drifted off to sleep and dream, she hoped that the wall could stay in place. But in the deepest, darkest corners of her mind- she knew a chink had appeared.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks to my hard working Beta TheBigCat shes wonderful.**

 **Ok guys Chapter 20 it was a blast to write I think its one of my favorites at the moment I expect some great reviews well that are you are going to hate me. either way leave a review a happy face, shoot leave me a leaf just leave me something lol.**

 **To all of you who have reviewed I thank you with a bag full of cookies. to all that have followed and favorited i give you Ice cream, and air from my lungs.**

 **Allons-y**

* * *

A week had passed since the dance in the media room. He could still feel Rose's head and how it had pressed between his hearts. The crying that followed after lingered, as well as the discussion they had held. He had shown her no new memories since that night, letting her adjust to the storm of emotions that she was facing.

Her crying had broken something loose in her and now he would see tears rolling down her face at random moments. More often than not she would run to her room when they started to fall. But twice she had welcomed his embrace and had let him hold her as tears poured down onto his chest. At those times, he just held her, taking as much comfort out of those embraces as he hoped she did.

At night, once she had long since gone to bed, he would find himself outside her door, head pressed against the wood, waiting for some sound to come from the room so he could reassure himself that she was still here and not stuck away in a parallel universe.

He was not resting like he should, and the few hours of sleep he did manage were plagued with nightmares of Rose. Rose bleeding, Rose passed out, Rose not breathing and nobody found her in time to save her. The images even played when he was awake. It was like a horror movie reel that just would not stop spinning and there was no way to eject. He would shake his head and manage to shove them to the back of his mind for a few hours, but they were always there.

The last couple of days had been great. With her by his side again, he felt like he could do anything. He knew Rose felt accelerated as well. They had been to five places in just the last couple of days, and had three glorious adventures in which they did the thing they did best- grab each other's hands and run.

Of course, the last adventure had gotten a little pear-shaped. Well, a little more than pear-shaped... more like a whole grove of pear trees. He had opened his gob one too many times on Fluteratious and got them both put in a cell, not for the first time. It wasn't his fault that the Fluteraions didn't know the correct way to eat a banana. Honestly, who ate it with the skin on?

Was it his fault that he had decided to teach the correct way the magnificent yellow fruit should be eaten? Surely it wasn't his fault that when he had finished showing the proper way to eat said banana, the peel had not made it fully into his coat's pockets and fallen to the ground. And it most definitely was not his fault that the queen had decided today was a great day for a walk and slipped on the peel; and went flying into the fountain in front of her. However, it still ended with him and Rose in a jail cell on a planet that fully believed in killing litterbugs. Real tree-huggers, right from the 60s, complete with harsh laws.

They had escaped, of course. Rose had snagged the sonic and hidden it in her shoe. Her shoe literally had a secret pocket. He was still wondering why. When she had pulled it out of its hiding place, he had thrown his arms around her in a celebratory hug.

The only problem they had was during said escape. Rose had fallen when running back to the TARDIS- tripped over a wall low on the ground and had gone down with a shriek of pain and curse words that would've made his hair go flat if it actually did that sort of thing.

He had scooped her up and carried her the last 30 feet to the Tardis, before carefully placing her on the jump seat and throwing them into the vortex. He gently picked her up and carried her to the med bay in order to look at her leg. She let him carry her with little amount of fuss- that was when the Doctor knew how much her leg really must hurt.

Rose's left knee was killing her- it hurt like hell. That damn Time Lord and his big mouth getting them arrested again! But she could not help the giddiness that had sprang up- it had been just like old times.

Doctor opens mouth- check. Thrown in cell- check. Escape from cell- check. Run for your life- big check. Being clumsy, falling, and getting hurt? Check. The whole list for the Doctor and Rose to have an adventure. And now he was carrying her to the med bay to fix her up. Just like he always had.

Crap. Her knee was going to heal quickly. It had twisted when she fell and she had heard the pop. How was she going to explain to this man that her knee would be fine in two days?

She could already feel her body healing the smaller cuts and scrapes on her arms and palms where they had met the ground, and her knee would start fixing itself at any moment.

Maybe she could play it off- act like she had not hurt it as bad as he thought. It'd never work. But if she told him the truth, he would poke her and prod her and run so many tests her head would spin. There had to be a middle ground. The Doctor was too smart for her to fool him for long.

She had already seen him give her odd glances out of the corner of his eye. Her hand was healing as fast as it had even before he got the sonic buzzing over her. He was beginning to question things.

She was in the med bay before she knew it. The Doctor placed her on a cot gently, and she released her arms that had been around his neck. How had they ended up there? She didn't remember putting her arms there. "Old habits," she muttered.

"What was that?"

"It hurts," she said to cover up her mishap.

"Well, we we'll take care of that," he told her cheerfully. "I've just got to get these jeans off of you and then we'll see what's what." The Doctor reached for her zip, and she slapped him away.

"Hey Spock, stop trying to take my pants off."

"But Rose," he whined, sounding like the world's most British toddler. "I have to get them off so I can see your knee."

A pair of shorts appeared next to Rose and she silently thanked the TARDIS. "Close your eyes and turn around," she said aloud. He pouted but did as she asked.

She never used to have a problem with him seeing her in her underwear- well, at least when she was hurt- but the Doctor guessed it was one of the many things that had changed since Rose had come back to him. He wished she would hurry up. He really wanted to make her knee feel better.

"Done," she said. "You can turn around now."

He did so, and picked up her leg gently, examining her knee. The Doctor was sure it was not broken, but it was swollen and tender to the touch. She winced a little when his hand came up to brush the bruise on the higher part of her knee. It was nasty looking, but not as bad as he thought it should be. He held it for a second as he thought.

He could fix it with the sonic in five seconds, but knees were tricky. They usually healed better on their own, with less stiffness in the joint. He waved the sonic over it to ease the pain Rose was in.

He turned and went to the cabinet, pulling out some bandages to wrap it up. When he sat back down and took her leg in his, he gasped. The bruises on her knee had already started to fade from the black and blue to a yellowish hue of healing.

He looked up to see Rose concentrating on the wall in front of her very hard. He said her name twice, but she pointedly ignored him and continued to stare at the wall. He stood up and dropped her leg, stepping in front of her. Now she gazed at his chest with the same interest as she had in the wall, but still refused to lift her eyes to meet his. He tilted her head up with a slender finger. forcing her to look at him. "Rose. Why does your knee look better than it did five minutes ago?"

Rose tried to turn away, but the Doctor held her chin firmly. She was a crap liar and they both knew it. Her thoughts were racing, trying to come up with some excuse and her heart was beating rapidly.

Rose didn't know whether it was from the question or the fact he was touching her, but their faces were now inches apart. She had a sneaking suspicion it was both. Her first thought was to push him away or hit him again, but she could not bring herself to do it.

Her anger had started to abate over the past week, and she didn't feel like hitting him. It would be a step backwards and they had been having such fun this week. She could start to cry again- he might leave her alone.

But he wouldn't forget.

His hand had moved from her chin and was gently cupping her cheek. Her thoughts disseminated in all directions again.

The Doctor's hand moved from Rose's chin to her cheek. Her eyes were wide and full of unspoken panic to his question. He had said he would not push her, but this quick healing was not normal. What if her being brought back through the other universe like she had been had done something to her- something unnatural? He knew fast healing was good, but if that was happening what else was he missing? Would she be ripped away from him again?

Rose could see the worry in his eyes, even as her thoughts scattered from his touch. Maybe she could reassure him, and he would leave it at that. She could ask him not to press her until she was ready.

Rose automatically wet her lips nervously before she spoke, but froze again when she saw the Doctor's eyes slide to her lips at her action. They rose to meet hers again so swiftly that she almost believed she had imagined it. But his eyes while still wanting answers had turned a bit darker. It was a look she knew well, but he had never acted on it.

He tilted his head and was closer than ever before. His eyes fluttered shut. Rose leaned in a bit without knowing it, her own eyes shutting. Their lips were seconds from brushing. Her eyes slammed open, her mind gathered words quickly and pulled back, shaking her head to clear the fog.

"I heal a bit quicker now," she said in a rush. "I don't want to go into the details, Time Lord. Just wrap me up where I can go to bed. All the running has made this human tired."

He jerked up, right when her cheek had moved from his hand, and stood, trying to clear the haze that was filling his head. Rose was talking but he could not hear a word.

His thoughts were still filled with how close he had been- that they had been. Their lips had nearly touched; he could still feel her breath against his mouth.

He did not start out of his thoughts till Rose said Time Lord, and it felt like ice cold water had been poured over his head. She had not called him that name all week. 'Spock' had been a favourite, and even 'Doctor' on occasion. But never 'Time Lord'.

Rose smiled internally as she finally caught his attention, throwing him outside of whatever thoughts he was having. She knew it was about them. Not that there was a 'them'.

But it was nice for him to feel a bit like she always had when they had gotten close before and he had pulled away and pretended it had never happened. A bit childish on her part, but still nice.

She repeated what she had said and he dutifully wrapped her knee up and did not press her for answers.

He lifted her in his arms and Rose kept her arms firmly glued to her stomach this time. The Doctor carried her to her room and placed her on the bed, leaving her, only to return a minute ltter with an ice pack for her knee. He softly bid her a good night and left her, closing the door behind him as he went.

She stared at the door for a long time after he left, fighting the emotions coursing through her body. He had almost kissed her, like she had wanted him to all those years ago. And this time, it had been her that pulled away.

How the roles have reversed, was her last thought before sleep claimed her.

Four hours later, she woke up screaming and sobbing. She had forgotten to grab the jacket from her closet before falling asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks to TheBigCat for doing the amazing job of being my Beta.**

 **Thanks to all of you who have left reviews please keep on doing it. It truly is like Christmas,Easter,Thanksgiving,and 4th of July every time I get one. They help me take my mind of things. Just found out my brother may need a liver Transplant, and when I got that news it hurt but then I opened my inbox and there were reviews it helped make my day a bit better so thank you.**

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 **To those of you that are reading my story and have not done any of the following I still thank you. thank all of you for taking time from your life's to read my story out of the thousands of choices you have. It means the world to me.**

 **The next 4 chapters are written they are with the super cool Beta at the moment. we have some great moments coming up I promise guys Rose is coming back. and keep your eyes out in chapter 25 Jack makes his first showing in my story. so I know that will make some of you very happy.**

 **Allons-y**

* * *

Rose's scream had him rushing out of the library immediately, the book he had been reading thrown in the air. He was at her door even before the screaming had stopped.

He had a decision to make. He could walk away and leave her be, or he could take a chance and step into the room- uninvited- to offer her comfort. Really, there was no dilemma. No more running for either of them- at least, not from this. He steadied himself mentally and opened the door.

He scanned the room, looking for Rose. She wasn't in the bed, not on the floor, not on the chair…

His gaze fell to the open closet door. He could hear crying and gasping breaths coming from within.

He approached slowly, giving her time to feel his presence in the room. He kneeled down slowly in order to get a better view of her face, but could not see it. His breath caught in his throat. Rose had her head buried in his old black jacket, and she was sobbing with an occasional whimper.

He could make out some words but most were muffled.

"Don't- can't!- leave- promised!"

And just one word was clear. She kept repeating it over and over. _"Doctor."_

He reached out and nudged the jacket, trying to get her attention, afraid that if he spoke his voice would break. She needed him to be strong. Rose was still half asleep. But the motion made her sob harder. She clasped the jacket even tighter, her knuckles going white from the pressure she was exerting.

The Doctor decided not to touch it again. Instead, he opened the second door and moved inside, sitting on several pair of shoes. It was rather uncomfortable but he could deal with it. For her, he would deal with anything.

He reached over and gently gathered Rose in his arms, jacket and all. slowly rocking her, rubbing her back, occasionally stroking her hair, all the while whispering words of warmth in her ear. Trying his best to calm and reassure Rose, even though he didn't know what the dreams were about.

Her sobs eased and her grip on the jacket lessened, but did not release. He now knew why that jacket had been on her bed the other morning. It was chasing away the bad dreams. It was her safety net, her light in the dark- a suit of armour, keeping the monsters at bay.

He knew what had happened. Rose must have fallen asleep and forgotten to remove it from its hiding space. Without its familiar presence, it had triggered a response.

He knew the feeling well. He'd been carrying a shirt of hers in his pocket, all those years since Canary Wharf. He had often found himself running his fingers across that shirt softly when in deep thought. It brought indescribable amounts of comfort. Not that he was going to tell her that.

He felt Rose shudder one more time, before falling still, her head against his neck instead of buried in the jacket. Her hands had come around his back and were clinging tightly; her small palms buried in his shirt. His old leather Jacket was now lying between them.

Rose shivered and he reached down and pulled it over her shoulders to give her the warmth and comfort she needed. They both dared not move beyond that. The Doctor was enjoying the embrace of her arms and the feel of her in his lap. The smell of her hair- mint and a hint of rosemary. The heartbeat, rapidly calming against his chest. To put it simply, he was enjoying Rose just as she was, pure and simple.

The way it had come about he may not have appreciated. Nightmares were nasty things. But the end result was very enjoyable. He could have sat like this for days, weeks- months, even and still not have had enough. With her in his arms it was like coming home.

Rose, on the other hand, was just enjoying the comfort of having someone there to hold her as she came out of her dreams. She did not care that she was on his lap or in his arms. She just clung tightly to the man who was caring for her. He had placed his old leather jacket over her to keep warm. And he had made no comment on her having it in her room.

Rose felt him gently pull back, but not far. He seemed as reluctant as she was to move from their current state. He lifted her head to meet his gaze, his fingers softly and tenderly pressing her chin.

Rose searched his russet brown eyes for signs of anger, rejection or pity. But she found none lurking in the depths. Instead she saw concern, sorrow- both hers and his- and most importantly, she found acceptance and understanding.

He spoke gruffly, breaking the spell that had woven over them. "Would you like a cup of tea? It should help you fall back to sleep."

She nodded her head, too exhausted to talk. He rose with her still in his arms and set her down on the bed and shook his feet to get the blood flowing again. He left in a whirl of energy of activity, only to return two ticks later with steaming mugs, one of which he handed to her, before sitting timidly on the end of her bed, feet swinging as he stared at her.

"Want to tell me about them, Rose? It helps."

She sighed. "They're about Canary wharf," she said quietly. "The beach in Norway... my mom hitting me...you sending me away! Sometimes the Daleks make an appearance, or the Cybermen and the Devil. But it all ends the same, every time. Me alone in the dark. And you nowhere to be found." Her voice broke just a bit at the end.

He reached out and took her hand. What could he say to her? He had left Rose- let her down- oh-so-many times. He could make her no promises. She was not ready to believe them anyway. He had to prove his actions. Words were not enough anymore.

She was not that nineteen year old girl anymore, but a woman that had been hurt too many times by him and the world. He was earning her friendship back one day at a time. So he just sat there and held her hand, giving her what comfort he could. She eventually finished her tea and released his hand.

"I think I can go back to sleep now."

He got up to leave, wishing her a good night, but before his feet reached the door. Rose shocked him again. "Doctor? Can you stay? Just until I fall asleep, I mean."

He did not make a sound. Felt his back tense up a bit, but forced himself to relax. He turned and offered her a small smile.

"Yup," he said, popping the 'P' just a bit. "No problem."

He walked across the room, sitting in the chair and Rose turned to face him in her bed. The jacket was back, draped around her shoulders. Their eyes held for a few fractions of a second, before she closed hers and took a deep breath.

"Talk, Doctor," she said. "Please. Just talk about anything."

So he did. He started with his adventures with Martha- Shakespeare and the Globe Theatre. She was asleep before they even got to the madhouse.

He stayed with her the whole night, wishing he were the jacket, giving her warmth.

He was jealous of an article of clothing. That probably said something about him, but he wasn't sure what.

He slipped out right before she begun to stir for the day, knowing Rose would not appreciate him seeing her right when she woke after such a vulnerable night.

* * *

Rose woke slowly. Dreams of Shakespeare had graced her for the rest of the night. He had stayed the night with her. The chair was still warm to the touch. He had left moments before she had fully awaken. Rose had heard the door shut softly behind him.

She wondered if he would hide from her today. That had been his pattern in the past when feelings had run on high, and the last twenty-four hours had been full of them. The almost kiss, the crying on his lap again, asking him to stay with her.

She expected him to run and to just drop her off somewhere, and he would vanish leaving her alone again. The thought made her heart skip a beat, and she cursed herself. She would not go down that path again.

 _Will not, will not, will not._ She kept repeating her mantra as she readied herself for the day, first checking her knee. No more bruises; they had healed up and gone. But there was a bit of swelling and stiffness. So jeans were right out. She grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt. No running for her today. Which meant another memory. If he wasn't avoiding her, that was.

She glanced at the Jacket on her bed and shrugged it on over her shirt. The Doctor had already seen it and had made no judgements, so what did it hurt to wear it around the TARDIS. It offered her protection, another layer, and if he did show her a memory today, she might need the help the jacket gave her.

Rose stepped out of her room and limped her way down the hall, ready to see what the day would bring her. A hiding Time Lord, or another memory. She really hoped it would be the latter.


	22. Chapter 22

**Ok I was not going to post this till Tomorrow but since its my My Beta's Birthday you all get a present. So woot. Happy Birthday to a great Beta TheBigCat. I hope she has a great day.**

 **Guys your reviews this last chapter amazing thank you so much please pretty please keep in up. To all that followed or Favorited over the last couple of days Thank you as well. they make me very happy. To all that are reading I thank you as well.**

 **chapter 22 guys I really hope you like it. Allons-y**

* * *

It looked as if Rose had got brooding Doctor this time. He had been in the kitchen, eating his jam- luckily with a spoon this time and not his fingers. His eyes had been so dark, his shoulders slumped. Tension radiated from his whole body, making the room heavy with the weight of it all.

He had taken one look at her, his gaze lingering on the jacket for a split second, and just like that she saw his eyes lighten just a bit, his shoulders straighten and a small smile play across his face. Then, just like she expected, the Doctor beat a hasty retreat down the hall, calling over his shoulder to meet him in the media room when she was ready.

His whole demeanour had rapidly changed when she had walked into the room. He was back to being the bouncy Doctor that Rose knew so well- or used to know so well, at least. She had really expected him to hide away today; but instead she had found him on her first try. That was new.

Rose quickly ate her breakfast and hurried to the media room. She was eager for the new memory today- she loved watching herself on screen; so young, so carefree.

Somehow, she managed to end up in an entire different hall then the entertainment section that she had been shooting for. It held only a single blue door with beautiful silver and gold writing that she couldn't read. Her hands traced the symbols before she opened the door; curiously wondering what the TARDIS was trying to show her- she had obviously led her here for a reason.

The door swung open quietly, and Rose took a couple of small steps into the door, swiftly closing behind her. The lights in the room began to brighten and she found herself in a bedroom hosting a king-sized bed with black sheets and blue comforter. It completely took up the centre of the room. Dark chestnut bookcases surrounded the room, and tables filled with projects half-completed were in every direction. A mirror caught her attention, and she walked towards it. A couple of pictures of just her graced the edges. They were smudged and fading, almost as if fingers had traced over them a thousand times. She had to stop and take a breath as she gently touched each one.

She wandered over to the bed and ran her fingers gently down the edge of it. She could smell him now. She was in his room- she had known the minute she had seen the door, but had still doubted it. Why did the TARDIS want her to see his room?

A drawer opened slightly night to her. She peeked inside, and raised an eyebrow. Well, at least now she knew why he was not commenting on his jacket. She slowly reached in and picked up a grey shirt. _Her_ old grey shirt; the one she had worn on her first trip through time and space. The one she thought the wardrobe had lost the first time she had changed. The Doctor had it in his bedside table and it looked like it had been handled quite a bit. Rose brought it up to her nose and sniffed. It smelled of him now instead of her.

He had missed her; even kept her shirt there after he had left her and the other him in that parallel world. Tears welled up in her eyes and for the first time Rose felt that maybe; just maybe, he had regretted his choice that day. She could feel the walls around her heart soften just a bit.

The Doctor had lost her that day every much as she had lost him, but he had still chosen to leave her. He had been the one to walk away. But she knew part of the blame lay with her; maybe he wouldn't have walked away if she hadn't kissed the other man so ardently. But he had said the words she longed to hear. Granted, those words he said had been in friendship and done in a way so this Doctor could run without saying a word.

She started to wonder what had happened to him after he had left them on that beach. For the first time Rose thought about him, instead of how hurt she was feeling.

He was traveling alone. Rose knew that much from the week she had been back, and from the feelings she was getting from the TARDIS at the moment. He had been on his own for a while. Rose's heart hurt just a bit more at the thought of him being on his own once again.

The man whose jacket she was currently wearing had never done well on his own, and this version of him was no different. The Doctor was completely and utterly rubbish if he was by himself. He had left the other him on the beach with her because he needed watching. But she had a strange feeling that he had it all backwards .It was _this_ him had needed watching.

And as kind and forgiving as he was being towards her; as much as he was trying to help her, she was beginning to wonder why was he trying so hard to fix her. Was it possible that he was just as broken as her?

Rose wasn't sure. He could hide his feelings better than anyone she knew. He had over nine hundred years of practice at it, after all. She vowed to herself as she put the shirt back in the drawer that she would really try to get better for both their sakes and that she would watch him a little more closely then she had been doing so far. Maybe she could see if she was right, if he was just as damaged as her. If that was the case, she owed it to him to make him feel better, the way he slowly was making _her_ better.

She turned and walked back out the way she came, before stumbling upon the media room. The Doctor was sitting there on the couch head in his hands, looking dejected. An air of despair penetrated the room.

Rose sighed softly. He was hurting. She didn't know what from, but she had a feeling she had caused this by taking such a long time to get here.

Rose decided right then and there. They were going to be friends again. _Best_ friends. The stuff of legends. Shiver and Shake, Sir Doctor and Dame Rose, saving the universe, one planet at a time! Her anger was still there; she still had questions and a lot of healing left to do, but Rose knew that she could do this. That _they_ could do this.

They had been friends once, and friends helped each other. That had been what he was trying to do since the beginning, but she had been so stubborn and so mad that she could not see. Now that it was working, things were starting to become very clear. He had been her friend all along; letting her yell at him, cry on him, ask him to stay. It was time to return the favour.

She walked up to the couch in front of him, and took his hands from his hair. Rose slowly brought them around her back and pulled him against her for a tight hug. He was startled but his hands automatically tighten around her and his head buried itself on her shirt. Her hands gently scratched the nape of his neck in a comforting motion. He exhaled loudly and relaxed more fully into her embrace. She could feel the tension evaporating from his body- tension he had carried for a long time.

She slowly started to withdraw and was surprised when he pulled her back and into his waiting lap continuing to cling to her for a few more moments, before easing her of his lap and onto the couch next to him. He grinned a little at her. "Hello." He paused. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?"

She smiled back slightly. "You looked like you needed a hug, so I gave it to you. S'what friends are for, yeah?"

"Yeah," was all he could manage to say, his breath even catching on that single word.

* * *

The Doctor shook his head a bit just to clear it. He had been feeling so down. The jacket that he had been jealous of all night was now covering Rose during the day as well. He was not sure it that was a good thing- her being comfortable enough for him to view her in it, or a bad thing, like it was new armour he would have to break through.

He sighed just a bit and concentrated on the problem at hand. He was pretty convinced that she had run and hidden from him again. Rose still had not turned up in the Media Room. He had been waiting for an hour already. The Doctor was going to force himself to rise and go look for her when she turned up, and then she had pulled him in for an amazing- but unexpected- hug. Now she was calling him her friend again. Friends with Rose Tyler.

He liked the sound of that.

He had absolutely no clue what had brought this on, but for once in his very long life he wasn't going to question it. He was just going to rejoice in the fact that they were friends again. He pulled Rose to his side just like he used to and put his arm around her gently. She smiled up at him, her grin slightly shy and he grinned right back.

"I have another memory if you want to watch it," he told her. "Two, actually."

She nodded, and the lights dimmed. Rose unconsciously snuggled closer to his warmth and his arm tightened around her. He felt her jump as they both watched just two words appear on the screen.

 _Bad Wolf._


	23. Chapter 23

**Many thanks to my Beta TheBigCat. She does so much to make my story easy to read. truly she puts up with a lot of bad punctuation and then fix's it for you guys. Sadly a man in a blue box did not pick her up for her birthday maybe next year.**

 **Once again thanks to all of you who have reviewed I love them I do. To all of you that have followed of favorite I love you as well. To all my readers you guys are gems.**

 **Now if you want the next chapter its ready to go just drop me say 10 reviews and I will post early lol. if not next chapter on Sunday or Monday. One more chapter after this and we have a Jack attack hes in the next 3 chapter after 24.**

 **Allons-y**

* * *

The Game Station.

Rose's breath hitched. Was she going to see what Bad Wolf had done? What _she_ had done? The Doctor had never told her about her time there, not once. All she had were snippets of what had gone on- very hazy memories. She remembered seeing Bad Wolf written again and again on the walls and ground, she remembered fighting with her mum, she even remembered the TARDIS dematerializing, but after that it was like a blank space existed in her mind. Because the next thing she remembered after that was waking up and her first Doctor changing on her and talking about dogs with no noses. Then this man had appeared, and her world had gone to pieces.

She started to pull away and then stopped, reminding herself she was going to really try. She had decided to be his friend again, after all.

The Doctor had felt Rose tense when the words flashed on the screen. He was taking a risk showing her this, letting her remember what she had done for him. He was pretty sure she forgot sometimes that they were the same man, big ears and him. He thought this might help her remind her of that fact and help ease her into remembering _this_ him with less pain.

She was still hurting inside and still did not talk about it much. That first outbreak of her emotions last week was a great jumping point and her crying jags afterwards had helped; Rose had started to heal as well.

He also knew that after these memories he would be taking her to see Jack. When she had come back the last time, all she knew was that Jack had come back to life- no details.

She was going to be mad at him for not telling her. And he was beginning to think the other him had not told her much either. Or maybe he had told her things and Rose just had been too depressed to pay them any heed.

He glanced down at her. She was relaxing against him now and he felt her take a deep breath, almost like she was trying to smell him but not wanting it to be obvious. He grinned and shifted just a tiny bit and she followed him snuggling in closer to his side. His grin widened. Rose was engrossed in the memory. He turned his attention back to the screen.

His memory was at the point where he was rescuing her from the Daleks and they had just returned to the game station. He inwardly cringed at his flirting with Lynda. Rose didn't look too happy about it in the memory. He glanced at the woman in his arms. The look on her face mirrored that of the her on the screen. He had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. Lynda was sweet and he had felt bad for her. He would have let her travel with him if she had lived. Looking back at it now, he had already been trying to put distance between him and Rose. He had been so barmy and mixed up about what his feelings had been. The feelings had become easier to identify in this form. He shifted his attention once more and tensed, waiting for the reaction from Rose.

He had tricked her to entering the TARDIS and was sending her away from him to safety, giving her no choice in the matter. He knew this was one of her triggers to locking down her emotions. He let the scene play out and then stroked a gentle hand down her hair.

"Rose," he said softly. "Are you okay?"

She didn't respond for a second.

"Please look at me," he begged. She turned her head and he could see the unshed tears behind her glassy chocolate-brown eyes. He pulled back enough to grab her hand, and paused the memory.

"Tell me, Rose. What are you thinking?"

Her breathing intensified as she fought back against the emotions threatening to spill. It was her natural reaction when things got to be too much to just shut down. But his voice and the feel of his hand in hers would not let her retreat back into her shell. Instead it urged her gently to emerge from the cocoon that she always wrapped around herself.

The voice- gentle, always gentle. "Rose, talk. Remember, you felt better the last time you let it loose. It doesn't have to be a lot, but tell me what you're feeling."

"I can't," she murmured. "It hurts, oh, it _hurts_ , Doctor." She could feel the pressure on her chest. Her legs wanted to run far, far away, but he held her firmly with his arms.

"Say it, Rose. Name the emotions. Talk about them, then let them go."

She struggled to put a name on what she was feeling. It had still been so long since she had named these emotions and faced that they were her own.

"Guilt," was, surprisingly, the first word out of her mouth.

"Okay," said the Doctor, rubbing her palm. "Why do you feel guilty?"

"If I had figured out how to get back earlier, not everybody would have died. I could have saved a few."

"First of all, Rose, you shouldn't have come back at all. It nearly killed you."

"Wish it had," she muttered under her breath.

"Secondly," he continued, pretending to not have heard her. "It was the fault of the Daleks that those people died, not yours. You did what you were supposed to do when you were meant to do it, even though it was incredibly dangerous to do so. Let it go, Rose. It wasn't your fault."

He pulled her into a tender hug, and felt the first few teardrops fall onto his shirt. "What else, Rose?"

"Anger at you for tricking me;-sadness for you making me be apart from you. I feel the sadness the most and it hurts, Doctor." The words were pouring out now. "You sent me away from you, put me on the TARDIS and then told me to have a fantastic life! But how could I, knowing you were dying and there was nothing I could do to help?"

Her voice broke there, and Rose let out a sob. The pressure on her chest began to recede. It was as if each new emotion she named made the process of naming the next easier until she released it all into tears.

She was so sick of crying all the time. But the Doctor just sat there and hugged her tightly. He handed her some tissues he had dug out of one of his pockets when she was done.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"Yes," she muttered, red in the face again at his lingering look.

"Want to watch the rest?"

Again, she said yes. Her mouth refused to form more than single syllable responses now that she had vocalized her emotions. He leaned back against the sofa and held out his arms to her.

"Why don't you lie down, Rose? Crying can take a lot out of you."

Rose slowly lay down next to him, her head not quite touching his thigh and tried to watch the memory as it started again. She turned a few times, not quite getting comfortable. She couldn't see the screen clearly and she was about to sit up again. The Doctor must have noticed her predicament because he pulled her closer and propped her head up on his legs. "Better?"

"Much."

He shot her a small smile and turned his eyes back to the screen ahead of him.

She shifted a bit to get more comfortable and once again sunk into the memory. Rose relaxed further when she felt his hand gingerly caressing her hair. She should probably have made him stop, but it felt nice. So she allowed it to happen.

They were near the end now. The Doctor knew the device was completed and he was standing there with a decision to make. Kill the Daleks and destroy the Earth, or let them win and take his fate? Coward or killer? The choice hung in the air.

Rose turned to look at the man's face above her. She had never known that he had to make this kind of choice- one of many he had made that day, some for the better and some for the worst. Sending her away was better for him but worse for her after all.

But the choice this false God was making him choose was far worse. She reached up and tapped his cheek to get him to notice her. His hands stilled in her hair, and he looked down,

"Are you okay?" she asked, suddenly realizing that these memories must be hard for him to watch. He was having to relive some of his worst nightmares to help her, to heal her. She felt another small chip fall from the wall around her heart, but ignored it for the time being.

"I'm fine Rose." His eyes told a different story, but she didn't want to ruin this moment. She had waited so long to see what she had done. Rose turned back to the screen but his hand had stopped caressing her hair. He may not want to talk about it right now but she could help relax him the way he had her. She reached up and pulled his hand back to her hair. "Don't stop."

He grinned, and started to stroke her hair again. Rose turned back to the show, and felt him slowly relax.

Just when they had were fully stress-free again, the TARDIS appeared before an astonished Doctor's eyes. The doors opened and a golden goddess stepped out. As Rose caught her first look at who the woman was, she gasped.

It was her.


	24. Chapter 24

**you get the chapter early. I am a women of my word 10 reviews so you get and early chapter.**

 **Ok Guy's You, know who I must thank TheBigCat, I don't know how she has time to do it but she Edits when ever she can. I adore her for it.**

 **I want to thank all the reviews I got on the last chapter I know I bribed you for them but honestly The stories that get read the most or the ones with the most reviews. and I want my story read. It makes me happy. So thank you guys. To all of the guests who reviewed I would love to reply to you but I cant. So I will say thank you on here. to everybody who follows the story or who put it on there list. thank you a bunch.**

 **Now I want to give you guys some warning I go back to work on the 19th of this month. The Story will be updated it just might not be 3 chapters in a week maybe two maybe one. I have the next 4 chapters written and I am working on another one right now. and will have 3 to 4 more written before i go back so there should be no gap. Just wanted to give you guys fair warning the first couple of weeks back are a nightmare.**

 **Ok guys chapter 24 I loved it,loved writing it. Its wanna of my favorite ep's. I simply love Bad Wolf. and next chapter we have Jack he's at the end of it lol. But then you have a chapter from Jack's point of view for the most part and hes in the next one as well. ok enough of my rambling dont forget to tell me what you think.**

 **Allons-y**

* * *

Rose knew she had been Bad Wolf, but she had always figured she would be more. In that form, it looked like her- at least, the 19-year-old her. Same hair, same style, but it was not her at the same time. This woman radiated power. She glimmered gold; she sparkled with a beauty that Rose herself could never achieve. Then the conversation started and Rose paid close attention.

 _-What've you done?_

 _-I looked into the TARDIS, and she looked into me._

 _-You looked into the time vortex, Rose. No one's meant to see that._

The emperor spoke then. _This is an abomination!_

A random Dalek cried _exterminate_ in a grating whine. He tried to shoot the past Rose, but she stopped the beam with her hand as if it were a pesky fly.

Then Rose watched as she, as the Bad Wolf, started to explain.

 _-I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words. I scatter them in time and space- a message to lead myself here._

 _I'm pretty kickass like this_ , Rose thought to herself. _Scary as hell, but kickass_. And the Doctor- her first Doctor- he looked so scared for her. He knew what Bad Wolf was doing to her mind. It was burning her.

 _Wait, how do I know it was burning me?_ She remembered nothing of her time as this goddess. Rose shook off the feeling as best she could and continued to watch.

 _-Rose, you've got to stop this. You've got to stop this now. You've got the entire time vortex running through your head; you're going to burn._

Oh, he was so worried. She was almost begging herself to let go at this point from the worry in his voice. But of course that did not happen. Rose was stubborn even when she was normal- this Bad Wolf was even more so.

And that's when it clicked for Rose. _She_ was Bad Wolf. This was not just her image, like she had always thought. This was _her_. She had created this powerful Goddess- well, her and the TARDIS. She said the next words without realizing it. Her memories were coming back.

 _"I want you safe. My Doctor. Protected from the false God."_

The Doctor was watching Rose closely, taking in her reactions. He saw her dawning realization that she was Bad Wolf, that she had made herself to save him. But he had had almost jumped out of his seat when she had spoken the same words as she had back then.

Oh, _Rassilon._ Her memories were returning- he knew this had been possible when he showed her this memory, but he had known for sure. He watched her carefully, hoping that her mind would not burn. The memories were fine, but if any of the powers associated with them were to re-emerge- well. It would not be good for either of them.

He would take it from her again, of course. To save Rose's life, he would do anything. But he didn't want to regenerate- not right now, not when she had just come back to him. Not to mention that fact that he quite liked this body.

He could see no gold, though, and her voice had stayed her same candour when she had spoken. So he figured they were safe. He allowed himself to relax again and resume his ministrations to her soft golden hair.

The Emperor was speaking again. _You cannot hurt me. I am immortal._

 _-You are tiny. I can see the whole of time and space. Every single atom of your existence, and I divide them._

Rose watched as Dalek after Dalek turned to dust around her. She was amazing. She glanced down at her normal hands- the idea they had done that seemed impossible.

 _"Everything must come to dust. All things. Everything dies. The Time War ends."_

She said the words once again in unison with her past self, the feeling becoming stronger in her mind, the words more easy to remember. Her actions were becoming clearer with every word spoken. Her eyes started to glow a bit, but she had no clue it was happening, and neither did the Doctor, both engrossed on the screen in front of them.

 _-Rose, you've done it. Now stop. Just let go._

 _-How can I let go of this? I bring life._

Rose's eyes grew brighter gold at this statement but she had echoed the words in her head, in her mind's eye, she saw Jack start to breathe again. _Okay, I brought Jack back to life as Bad Wolf. That's great. But Jack had died on another ship with Daleks when the Earth had been stolen, and had once again come back from the dead. But Bad Wolf wasn't there that time._

Oh crap. The guilt was back. She knew she had done something that should not have been done. She had brought Jack back for good. He was the man that could never die. She had to tell him sorry. She blinked back tears, and the gold light faded from her eyes. Neither of them even realized it had been there.

 _-But this is wrong! You can't control life and death._

 _-But I can. The sun and the moon, the day and night. But why do they hurt?_

 _-The power's going to kill you, and it's my fault._

 _-I can see everything. All that is, all that was, all that ever could be._

 _-That's what I see. All the time. And doesn't it drive you mad?_

 _-My head…_

 _-Come here._

 _-…it's killing me_

 _-I think you need a Doctor._

 _Corny,_ was Rose's only thought.

She watched with her mouth hanging open as her Doctor on-screen pulled her in for a kiss. It only lasted thirty seconds, but her memory of this moment came into focus. She remembered it being a mind-blowing kiss.

His lips had been gentle, a bit chapped, but fit against hers so well. It had been a _good_ kiss.

She watched him pull away, the light flowing from her to him and her passing out. Her Doctor caught her before she hit the ground and tenderly laid her down. Before standing to release the energy back where it belonged. He smiled a little and carried her into the TARDIS.

 _Wow._ He had kissed her- Rose Tyler- after months of flirting here and there and tension that had built up steadily since he had taken her to see her dad. All released in that final moment of her being Bad Wolf.

He could have taken it out of her a different way, but he had chosen to kiss her. Of course she remembered none of it until just now but still her heart was jumping with joy.

She had loved that Doctor in leather. Maybe not as much as she loved the man she was lying on at the moment, but she had loved him, and he had obviously cared for her as well.

Rose cried when he said his last words to her.

 _-Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you, you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? So was I._

The golden light surrounded him, and she could see now what she had been too shocked to see the first time. The hair getting longer, the face changing and then standing there right in front of her was the new, new Doctor.

 _-Hello. Okay. Ooh, new teeth. That's weird. So, where was I? Oh, that's right. Barcelona._

Rose stared at herself, half-hiding behind a coral strut. She looked shocked and confused and was trying to piece what had just happened together. That's when something clicked in her brain. She sat up quickly as the memory paused behind her.

"You spoke to me on New Year's. In 2005. You said I was going to have a great year. You were hurt, I thought you were drunk, and I told you to go home. You asked me the year. I thought you were bonkers. What happened, Doctor?"

The Doctor had to think for a moment. She was not emotionally ready for this yet. "I had a bit of trouble with some radiation. It was nothing, really, just hurt like hell until I processed it, then I was fine. But it felt like I was going to regenerate, so I was letting people know. Just in case. You were last, Rose," he added softly. "If I was going, I wanted your face to be the last one I saw, even though you didn't know who I was." His voice was fighting untold emotion, his eyes were tearing up. It was all still so raw for him.

Rose could see it, too. It may have been years for her, but that goodbye for him had happened recently. She reached over and did what she felt was best- she gave him a tight hug, and whispered in his ear.

"You're here though; and so am I. No more goodbyes for us. Just hellos." She broke away.

"Hello," she said in a louder voice.

He took her hand, and looked into her eyes. "Hi."

They both started to grin. In that moment, the Doctor knew they were going to be okay. Somehow, just somehow, they were going to be fine.

He drew her back to him for a quick, giddy hug before settling her next to him again, keeping her close as the memory un-paused.

They watched, both laughing, at the Rose on screen, accusing him of being a Slitheen and then the mood once again shifted to something more serious as he took her hand on screen and told her about their first meeting.

He turned towards Rose and found her running her hand over her heart. "Run was the first word you said to me. A simple three-letter word and it changed my life forever." She stopped her hand and he grabbed for it.

"We've been running ever since, and I hope, Rose Tyler, that we always will."

He placed a tender kiss on her hand just as the memory finished.

"So, I guess you want to see Jack now?"

"Yup."

"Well, then. Allons-y, Dame Rose."

"Not going to try to talk me out of it?" she asked, a half-smile hovering over her lips.

"Could I?" he asked rhetorically.

"Nope," she shot back, grinning fully now.

"Then to Cardiff we go!"


	25. Chapter 25

**Thanks to TheBigCat for her amazing editing as always.**

 **seriously -Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and follows and favorites and for reading and be Doctor Who Dorks with me. Its really nice to know that I am not alone. So as promised here is 25 and Jack is here I can here the screams of joy. He's in the last part of this chapter.**

 **This chapter I loved to write and I hope you guys will love to read please leave me your thoughts. Please I really do love to here from you.**

 **Allons-y**

* * *

The TARDIS landed with its usual rattle, but shook a bit harder than necessary. The Doctor caressed her. "I know, old girl, you don't like him," he muttered. "Me neither, but Rose needs to do this."

She flickered a few lights in acceptance, and he smiled. "Well at least you get a top-off. We'll just open you up a bit and let you soak in that nice rift energy. That will be nice, right honey?"

She hummed happily, and he set off pushing the buttons needed for her recharge. He heard a happy laugh from down below.

"You two done flirting, or do you need more alone time?"

The Doctor glared at Rose, which made her laugh all the more.

"Shut up," was his huffy reply.

"Seriously," she choked out, having stopped laughing for a moment. "I can go to my room- put on some music- I won't hear a thing." That teasing grin of hers appeared again briefly before she started to laugh at him again.

"Rose Tyler, there is nothing going on between me and my magnificent ship."

"Keep telling yourself that mate, but I've heard you call her 'sexy'. By the way, she likes it. Us girls know things."

The TARDIS gave a warm hum. The Doctor was bright red now.

 _Oh_ , Rose though smugly. _We made him blush_. Now, why did she find that so appealing?

 _Stop it_ , she told herself firmly, her own face going a faint pink at the way her thoughts were turning. _Not going to happen, won't let it happen, can't fall again. Don't care if I still love the idiot, it's not worth it. Won't be rejected again_. He was staring at her again with that look. Must force eyes away before I do something I will regret. _Mates. We are mates. Mate is fine, mates are safe. Mates don't grab each other by the tie and snog them senseless because they find each other foxy. Mate-mate- mate._

He was closer now. He was going to kiss her and she would not be able to resist this time. But he just took her hand in his and walked her to the door releasing his grasp when they reached it.

"Go see Jack, Rose. I'm going to do some work on the TARDIS while I have a chance."

Suddenly she was afraid to move thoughts began racing in her head. T _his was his chance. He was going to leave her here with Jack and take off again. Leave her like he had on the beach, leave her like he always did. He was going to do what he thought best for her, that's why he had not fought her when she wanted to come see Jack. He had planned this. He was sick of her already- her moods and anger, the crying- it was all too domestic for him. He didn't want her; never had wanted her. Wanted her to stay where he had left her._ Her heart was racing, and she couldn't seem to catch her breath. Her head was spinning. She forced words through gasping breaths.

"No, don't-" _pant_ "-want-" _pant_ "-to go-" _pant_ "-see Jack. Stay here. You'll leave me again." _gasp_. Why couldn't she get air? She needed more air. "Can't breathe," she managed, and felt strong arms come around her. She panicked at the pressure. Her arms were pinned to her sides- she fought the grip, trying to break from it. But the person just held tighter. Rose could hear words now= a calming voice offering her words. Telling her to breathe, to relax; that he had her- she was safe.

She felt herself relax as her Doctor held her- she knew it was him now. His grip eased as she calmed down, allowing her arms to hold him close. He continued to whisper words of reassurance and she relaxed the rest of the way. He held her for a few more minutes before pulling back slowly, but still keeping his arms around her waist.

"Rose," he said, deeply serious "I'm not going to leave you again, I promise. Cross my hearts, I'm never going to leave you again. This is your home for as long as you want it Rose. The TARDIS is your home. The Doctor and Rose Tyler in the TARDIS, just like it should be. I'm not going to lose you again!"

He said the last sentence so abruptly, and she could hear the raw emotion in his voice. She stared into his eyes and knew he was not lying to her. He would not do that to her again, not without it being her choice.

Her breath caught in a sob. For the first time since she had been back she looked at him- really looked at him, throwing all her own feelings to the back of her mind- and concentrated on what was in front of her.

His eyes were older now, so much older than they had been when he and she had first started their adventure together. She wondered again what he had gone through since that day on the beach. Something was broken in the Doctor. She didn't know what it was, but something was different. There was a quiet rage behind his eyes, like the Oncoming Storm warming up for a rampage.

She raised her fingers and traced his jawline. Rose was tempting fate and she knew it, but at this moment she really didn't give a damn. She wanted to help him the way he was helping her. She wanted that rage to go away. She cupped his cheek. He leaned into her touch and she took a leap of faith.

"I believe you," she told him. "I still don't know if I trust you. But I believe you won't leave me behind. But can you come with me to see Jack? I don't think I can do it alone."

He nodded and they both stood, his arms going back around to squeeze her in a tight hug and she matched his enthusiasm. They took each other's hands the minute they stepped out of the TARDIS, and their fingers entwined.

She fought the reaction that made her want to pull away from this intimacy. It was such a normal response. But she forced her hand tighter to his, and smiled up at him. "They still fit."

"They always will, Rose," he said, grinning back.

They walked in silence the rest of the way, each caught up in their own thoughts.

She was thinking of how everything had started to change since the night before. She really did believe that he wouldn't leave her again, and she wanted him to come with her to see Jack- not because she was afraid of him leaving, but because she was afraid of leaving him on his own. He had been on his own too long. Plus, his company would be nice. If she started to freak out for some reason, he could talk her down. She wasn't ready to let him out of her sight just quite yet.

The Doctor was thinking about all that had gone on that day as well. Her offer of friendship towards him. Rose hugs, Rose fingers, Rose lips that had once again been so close. He shut those thoughts down quickly. Not ready, not ready, she's not ready for that right now. Mates first, then the kissing. He truly hoped it was going to happen sooner rather than later. He would have to tell her or show her what he had become without her there to stop him. Then he could let her decide if she could handle something that was as broken as he was. But it would work out. He had hope for that. At least they were mates again, and that would be enough for now.

He started to hum happily before stopping her and lifting a leg off the ground. He began to hop. She stood there, a foot apart from him their hands still clasped, and raised her own foot. They both started laughing and with that with no words spoken, they hopped together all the way to the Hub. People kept a wide berth as they did so and gave the pair of them very odd looks.

They stood at the secret door and the Doctor went to pull out his sonic when they opened, without warning. Rose was pulled up in a tight hug along with a quick snog, before being set back on her feet once again. She glanced at the Doctor, next to her- he was glaring daggers. "Don't start, Jack."

"What?" he protested, grinning. "I was just saying hi. I think I might do it again."

"I don't mind," was her automatic response. He went to move in again, but thought better of it when the Doctor pulled Rose tight against his side. "Hi Rosie, long time no see."

Then he turned his attention back to the Doctor. "Hiya, Doc. You got some explaining to do and thanks for the intro by the way. Alonso- great guy in more ways than once."

Rose stared at the pair of them.

"Alonso," she realized suddenly. "He introduced you to a guy called Alonso. You said it, then! You got to say allons-y Alonzo!" She was grinning brightly at him. He smiled back.

"Yup."

They were ignoring Jack, now, completely wrapped up in each other.

Jack cleared his throat pointedly. "You guys going to flirt all day and make bedroom eyes at each other, or are you going to come in?"

They both went beet red and dropped each other's hands, taking a step apart, before following Jack through the door. It was at that moment Jack knew something was wrong. And if something was wrong- he was going to figure out how to fix it.


	26. Chapter 26

**Thanks a whole bunch to my Beta TheBigCat. She is truly the best.**

 **Thank you all for the wonderful reviews last chapter. I really really enjoy reading them. To all of you who followed or favorited I love you as well and thank you. Again to all of you who are reading I am glad you are enjoying my story.**

 **Please guys keep the reviews coming. I am over 100 now never thought that would be possible for something I have written.**

 **Guys hears more Jack and there's more of him in the next chapter as well.**

 **Allons-y**

* * *

They gathered around a table in the empty Hub. The silence was palpable- the air hung thick with it. Jack stared at the two at the table. They sat next to each other, but they may as well been sitting miles apart.

The usual animated blonde girl was not present- a woman was sitting in her place. Her face told the tale of a person who had seen too much in such a short life. The man next to her was older now than the last time he had seen him. He still looked the same, but his eyes told the real story. These people sitting at the table with him were not the same Doctor and Rose that he had known- these were strangers in their bodies.

Even so, Jack could also see that they were still very much in love with each other. He could see the way the Doctor would shift his eyes for a quick glance at Rose before he would look away again. He could see the Doctor's hand go to reach for Rose's and pull back before he touched her. He could see the way Rose wanted the Doctor to take her hand even she hesitated to make the move herself.

Something that had always seemed so easy for them was now hard, neither being sure if the other would accept it. They had been holding hands when he had opened the door, but had stopped at his comment about it, when in the past they would have laughed it off and did what they wanted. It was very odd sitting in a room with two people who were your best friends and not knowing what to say to break the mood in the room.

Jack stood and reached for a white bottle in the cupboard and three shot glasses to go with it. He poured a generous amount of the Ruidoso Tequila in each glass and placed them in front of Rose and the Doctor, before grabbing the bottle and placing it down in the middle of the table. He lifted his glass and looked at them. They glanced at each other and shrugged at the same time, before picking up their cups. The three of them threw back the drink together.

That seemed to do the trick. The room lightened a bit and the mood lessened to that of ease. He poured a second drink for them and they took it as well. Then he poured a third and words started to flow. He was smart enough not to ask what had happened. Whatever it was, neither of them were ready to talk about it yet.

He looked up from pouring the fourth drink and found that Rose was crying. She stood up and wrapped her arms around him, telling him she was so sorry for what she had done to him. He looked at the Doctor in confusion.

"I let her see what she did as Bad Wolf," he told the other man quietly.

"Oh," said Jack, realizing. "Oh, Rosie, sweetheart, don't feel bad." He hugged her tightly back. "You wanted me to live. You loved me enough that you wanted me alive. I don't mind, really I don't. It's not so bad not dying- it makes the world more interesting. I got to see a lot of history, shoot, I got to _live_ a lot of history! It's been great, for the most part." He drew back, pausing for a second. "I'm not going to lie to you, Rose, it was a shock the first time it happened. But really, you get used to it. It's real handy sometimes, like on the Crucible. So don't cry Rosie, its fine, I'm fine, we're fine. We are all good. I'm happy, Rose! Come on, look at me."

She obligingly stared up at him.

"That's a good girl. I'm happy, Rose. Think how much I've got to shag over the centuries. Truly you made me God's gift to women and men, by letting me get all that practice."

She let out a laugh, and Jack smiled.

"That's the Rose Tyler I know. Can she stay for a while and get drunk with me, just like the old times? I have so many naked stories to share with you."

She nodded and added, "only if he can stay."

"Of course, Rosie," Jack smirked. "How else am I going to get him starkers and have my wicked way with him unless he stays?"

She choked on a laugh again and then started to howl. Jack was not sure what he had said to make her laugh like this or make the Doctor's face drain of colour, but there had to be a story behind it.

Rose set back down at the table. She was glad that Jack said he was happy. She guessed she had not cursed him after all. At least, he didn't think it was a curse. And it was so like Jack to talk about all the experience he had gotten out of the deal. Then his crack about trying to get The Doctor starkers and having his way with him- it had just been too much.

She wondered if she should tell them both what Ezra had gotten up to in her world with Jack's parallel version; she considered the looks she would get. Jack would be happy and a bit jealous as well. The Doctor might regenerate from the embarrassment of knowing who his counterpart had hooked up with.

She took her fourth shot, as it was in front of her. "Did I mention yet that the Doctor's clone was-" she began casually, before she felt a hand clamp over her mouth.

"Don't, Rose, please don't!" the Doctor begged. "The jokes he'll tell- I'll never hear the end of it! He hits on me enough already!"

She grinned under his hand. The Doctor could tell by the mirth in Rose's eyes she was going to do it anyway and this time it was not out of being mean. She was doing it because it was something she would have done in her younger days- a piece of the old Rose Tyler. Now, as much as he wanted her back to her old self, there was a time and a place. And this was not it.

So he kept his hand firmly pressed over her mouth. He felt a wet sensation run over his palm- she was licking him. He removed his hand hastily from her wiping it on his pants.

She finished what she had started right as Jack took a drink. "-gay!" she shouted. Jack's reaction was priceless- his drink sprayed all over the table and his face was full of shock and glee.

"So where is he? If this one won't be persuaded- that one might!" He was like an excited puppy, looking everywhere for a treat.

"Sorry Jack, he's not here," Rose said, regretfully. "He died in the other world. But if it helps- he did, ahem, 'have his wicked way' with a parallel version of you."

The Doctor looked like he was going to be sick. Rose reached over and grabbed his hand to help steady him. He grasped it gratefully and clung on tight.

Jack didn't fail to notice the gesture. It seemed like the liquor was loosening them up a bit. Then something Rose said clicked in his brain. Rose had said the other Doctor had died in the other world. Why had he been there? How would Rose know that, unless she had been there too?

And it all fell into place.

The Doctor had left her there with his other self. Stupid, _stupid_ Time Lord! How could he do that to Rose? He had had been so lost without her. How did he just up and leave her?

It explained a lot though- why they were hesitant around each other, not touching constantly, like _gli innamorati_ from an old-fashioned comedy. They were adjusting to being together again. Rose was broken hearted, and he was guilty because he caused it.

The Doctor had been about to regenerate. Jack knew the signs, and he had a strange feeling that Rose didn't know it. At least, not the truth of it.

He would leave it alone for now- they were working it out by themselves and would not appreciate his input. Especially because his input would be for them to shag like bunnies all over the TARDIS. It would solve half their problems, in his opinion.

But there was no harm helping them along a bit. Play some music, pour some more drinks and then pretend to pass out and see what happens. Push them forward just a little bit and then let nature take its course. He stood and walked towards the radio and selected a CD. They would start out fun and then slow it down. All the while he would pour them drinks and watch as magic happened. It was going to be a great show.


	27. Chapter 27

**Ok Thanks to TheBigCat she is amazing. I really don't think I tell her enough. But I mean it AMAZING,AMAZING, AND AMAZING.**

 **Ok guys a bit more of Jack in this chapter. and I lied with out meaning to he's not in the next one. But he will return.**

 **I want to thank all who have reviewed and favorited or followed or read you guys are great.**

 **Now if you want chapter 28 and I promise you do want chapter 28, its been my favorite to write so far and its good very good. Then you will give me say 8 REVIEWS and I will give you the chapter its just sitting there waiting to be read.**

 **I am back at work now so chapters may be a bit slower but I did just finish writing chapter 31 and started working on 32 so there should be no gap.**

 **Allons-y and Don't forget to hit that review button and let me know what you think I do respond.**

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The music blared across the room, the sound upbeat and fun. Jack poured another drink and saw Rose's foot tapping to the music and her body wiggle slightly. She was holding back- he didn't know why, but she was fighting with every fibre of her essence not to move. And her face held disappointment that she could not make her feet stop.

He saw the Doctor give her a sad look, before he leaned in to talk to her, whispering words that a normal ear wouldn't have been able to pick up, even if the music had been off. But Jack was no ordinary man any longer, and the super hearing he had been blessed with along with the never dying came in real handy occasionally. So he stood there, back pressed to the counter staring off into space as he listened to a conversation that he had no right to hear but every interest in.

"Rose, stop feeling bad. You can let loose and have a good time. You can dance- you danced with me last week, and the world didn't end. I loved that dance, Rose. We can do it again later if you want, but we should get up and have fun. Fun- the three of us, just like we used to. Don't shut down on me, Rose you're doing so well, getting better. We're friends now. Take it from your friend- have fun. Let yourself have fun." He ran his fingers down her cheek and cupped it. She leaned into his touch and bit her lip.

Rose didn't know why she was fighting with herself. She wanted so very much to let loose and have a good time. Her body wanted her to as well- that's why it kept betraying her, wiggling and making her tap to the rhythm of the music. But her mind would not let her relax. It wanted to hole up in its dark place again. Maybe she had felt too much today and this was her brain's way of trying to protect her. It was shutting her down so she would not feel anything else for a while. But she wanted to feel, it felt good to feel.

She had to get her brain to shut off from the thousands of depressing thoughts that kept popping up. His words were helping making her feel better about letting go, but she needed something else to make them shut down completely. It amazed her when she realized what she needed was his touch, and her heart fluttered a bit at the realisation.

She felt another piece of her armour chip away.

So when his hand had come to rest upon her cheek, stroking it lightly, she could not help but to lean into his palm, relaxing as she did so. She felt another crack appear. Her walls were coming down one by one, inch by tiny inch, and she knew there would come a time when there would be nothing left for her heart to hide behind and it would shatter into a million pieces again. Rose knew these things were going to happen. Right now, she could put it off for a bit, but her heart would yearn for him again and her body would ache for a touch she would never receive. She resigned herself to that fact and felt herself relax further upon the realisation of what was going to happen. Her mind released her and allowed her to feel all that she was feeling.

She knew it was still going to be a battle for her to fight when things became too much but it was a war she was going to win. She felt herself rise from the chair and grab Jack by the arms to dance in reckless abandonment. She let herself feel everything- the joy of being with a friend, the sadness of knowing she was going to fall again, the love she still felt for the two people in the room. She would let it all show for the night, and she'd let the guilt eat her up in the morning. But for this one night she was going to let it all go and just be _her_.

The Doctor was thrilled, watching her dance, seeing the animation cross her face again. He had missed that the way her eyes lit up, the smile on her face. She looked like his Rose again. There were other emotions there as well- a bit of sadness that flashed briefly. He saw her force it away and was so very proud that she was fighting so hard to win herself back. She was succeeding more every moment.

He had been afraid when he had been speaking to her that he was going to lose the fight tonight. Rose had released so many emotions today and last night, it was natural to try to shut it down, but he was so glad that something he had said had broken through and gotten her to relax and enjoy herself.

She was having so much fun just dancing around with Jack. They looked like idiots, the pair of them, shimmying and shaking, but her laughter was the best gift he could ask for. It wasn't harsh or sarcastic; it was like the laughter earlier in the console room when she had been teasing him. It lit up the whole building; it made her sparkle in a golden light. He was pulled from his musings when he felt a hand grab him by the arm and give a yank.

"Dance with us, Doctor," Rose giggled.

He couldn't resist Rose, not when she was like this- so happy, so carefree. Who was he kidding? He couldn't resist Rose no matter what. He was the moth to her flame, and he'd come every time. Because Rose Tyler was everything and anything; his own guiding light leading him out of the darkness to bask in her warmth. So he danced like an idiot with her and Jack because it made her happy. And whatever made her happy made him happy.

The music slowed a bit latter and Jack sat down with a happy hum. He was so very glad they had come and seen him. Rose's distress broke his heart but the Doctor was working on it. He wouldn't question them further. He settled into his chair and watched the show in front of him, wishing he had popcorn for this unrequited love story that was playing out before his eyes. The two were nuts for each other. The moment the song had slowed down they had turned and sought each other out. Rose's arms fell around The Doctor's neck and his had gone to her waist, drawing her closer. He saw Rose try and resist before she gave in and placed her head on his shoulder. Doctor lay his on the top of her head.

And just like long ago when he had met them- when the Doctor had been all big ears and leather and she had been a young girl in a Union Jack t-shirt- the world simply fell away when they were in each other's arms. He could have transported them again and neither would have noticed until he opened his mouth. But this time he did not say a word- just watched as two of his friends swayed around the room and danced around their feelings that they could not vocalize yet, for one reason or another. He did not speak again until a couple of more songs had played. When the last note ended he cleared his throat. "Aren't you two sweet?"

They both froze.

"Rose looks tired," Jack continued. "and you too, Doc. Let me walk you back to the TARDIS. I think it's time we all got some shut-eye." They both nodded but he noticed that they both had stepped reluctantly away from the other. He walked over, took their hands and placed them in each other's. "That better?" he asked. They blushed, and neither acknowledged his question. But they didn't pull away either.

He walked them back and before the Doctor could ask, he said no. "I've got a job here to do," he explained.

The Doctor nodded in agreement and felt the TARDIS behind him mentally do the same. Jack reached out and grabbed Rose in a quick hug and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, handing her a slip of paper as he did so. "This is my number. You need to talk, you call me. Got it?"

He then shook the Doctor's hand and said goodnight to them both before turning on his heel and going home for a few short hours of sleep, grinning all the way.

The Doctor and Rose made their way inside, and the Doctor sent them spinning off into the Vortex. He glanced over at Rose- she was almost asleep on the jump seat. He smiled and walked over, lifting her up in his arms. She mumbled, but allowed him to carry her to her room.

He placed her on her bed and removed the shoes from her feet, before covering her up with the blanket. He kissed her softly on the head and went to leave, when she once again surprised him and asked him to stay.

He of course said _yes,_ like he always would, and made his way to the chair. He was about to sit when she spoke again.

"You can't sleep there Doctor, and we both know you won't leave me tonight, now that I asked you to stay. The bed's big enough for both of us." She smiled suddenly. "I mean, it's not like we haven't shared before."

He grinned at her, knowing he should argue, remind her that this wasn't a jail cell, but her bedroom- which made it a lot different. But he couldn't bring the words to his mouth. So he removed his trainers, tie, and coat, and stretched out on his back next to her. He felt her reach down and take his hand.

"G'night, Doctor," she breathed.

He replied in kind, and he felt her relax into sleep. He soon followed, their hands still clasped between them.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks to TheBigCat for her great Help of making my story sound better.**

 **WOW YOU GUYS,I ASKED AND YOU REVIEWED CAN WE REPEAT THAT WITH THIS CHAPTER. Thank you all for your responses I love them. And they help me keep writing. So please keep them coming.**

 **So chapter 28 what can I say. This has been one of my favorites, to write, maybe my favorite to date. So please give me your thoughts good or bad I want to here them.**

 **Allons-y**

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Rose slowly awoke to the sound of two hearts beating a steady rhythm. _Thump, thump, thump, thump,_ under her ear. Somehow in the night she had rolled over. Her head had ended up on the Doctor's chest and his arm had found its way across her back and held her tightly against him. She closed her eyes again, and let herself drift just for a moment, allowing herself to think of the long ago fantasy when she would wake in his arms every morning. She took a deep breath while her eyes remained tightly shut, trying to inhale as much of his scent as possible.

She so badly wanted to lift her head and place a soft kiss upon his lips just to see what it would feel like. But she would not do it. There were some lines you didn't cross and this was one of them. And for her it was a line she would _never_ cross. Forbidden zone. Her mind should not linger on those thoughts too long or she would break her own rules.

She already knew her heart was weakening for the man beside her. She did not have much longer before she would give in once again. She was falling in love for a third time. Even though she had never not loved him. However, she also recognized the signs better this time around, and knew she was setting herself up to be heartbroken again. She could not prevent it from happening. It was already too late for that. The moment she had started to let go of her anger and let her other emotions start to leak out, her heart had begun to stir again. This man lying in bed with her had _always_ held her heart- would always hold her heart. Whether she was in this world or another, there was no one else for her. He was it. The Doctor, _her_ Doctor, was all she could ever want and never have.

 _Rose Marion Tyler and the Unrequited Love_ was going to be the story of her life. She would forever want more from this man and he would never give it to her.

She opened her eyes and moved her head to his shoulder, gazing up to that freckled face that had haunted her every waking moment and most of her sleeping ones as well. She was close enough that she could almost count every speckled brown dot that graced his face. Her eyes hungrily traced the planes of his face, mapping them for latter.

His cheeks hollow and yet strong, chin sculpted out of stone, nose long and thin, his eyes when he was awake- a deep brown of winter trees at twilight with sparks of starlight that glimmered in their timeless depths. His lips, perfect in every way- they looked like they were made to go over hers.

She could not resist and barely realized what she was doing. But her hand had found its way to his face and was gently tracing it. As each thought entered her mind. Her fingers lay on his lips as she came out of her trance.

Her eyes now gazed into those beautiful deep eyes and her fingers did not move from his lips. She was embarrassed to be caught studying him so intently, but could not make herself move away. It was as if she were frozen, and wound as tight as a coil. She would either melt or spring, and she did not know which she wanted to do. Lean in and go to hell or bounce up and lie.

The Doctor felt the first tentative touches across his face, and fought to keep his breathing stable and face relaxed. He had been awake for hours but could not move without shaking Rose awake. And he quite liked having her head rest on his chest. He had been pleasantly surprised to wake up with blonde hair in his face and a scent that was all Rose. He wrapped his arms more snugly around her, and closed his eyes letting his thoughts drift.

There was so much he wanted to show her, so many places he wanted to take her. Barcelona was on top of his list. He always had wanted to take her there- never did get around to it, he mused. But mostly he thought about _her_.

The way her eyes had danced when she had let herself go. The way she had held him tightly when they had danced. Something was giving in Rose. The walls she had constructed so carefully were now just sheet rock. It would not take much more to knock them all the way down till they were just plaster and dust. Then he would see where they stood. She may have still had feelings for him, but love was something he was going to have to earn back. She had only said those three words once, but he wanted to hear them again and this time without tears and being worlds apart.

He knew he loved her. That had never stopped, had never gone away. He did not know if he could ever say the words- he was not built that way- but he could show her. If she let him, it would just take one touch- a gentle nudge- and she would know. She would know everything all he had done, all that he felt. Then she would finally run, but in what direction he was not sure. The Rose he used to know would run towards him, this new Rose- well, there was no telling. He hoped and dreaded when he got to find out which one it would be. It would either break him completely, or heal the scars the rest of the way.

He felt Rose inhale deeply, her breath tickling his chest. She was awake now and yet had not moved. When she did finally move it was to lay her head against his shoulder. He really should tell her he was awake but then this moment would end.

He could feel her gaze upon his face. He wished he could see her. Rose's eyes were like the pages of an open book, and he just wanted to dive in to the story and never come out.

Her fingers came up to brush his cheeks and chin, running over each of his eyebrows, along his nose. They came to rest on his lips, where he felt her fingers outline them softly before settling just two of them against his mouth leaving them to rest there. His eyes had opened up on their own accord, and now stared into her beautiful Honey-brown ones.

He had expected Rose to jump back from the intimate position they had found themselves in, but she seemed to be stuck in a suspended state. His body tingled from her touch- her face mere inches from his. It would just take a tilt of his head; a small motion of leaning forward, and he would capture the lower lip she was worrying between her teeth.

He so badly wanted to do just that. Every fibre of his being wanted to close the gap. The only thing that stopped him from doing so was Rose herself. A kiss between them now would halt all the work they had done in the last week. They would fall into each other, and everything else would disappear for a while but nothing would be solved.

Rose had to get better before he could do this, or else it would just be a luxury neither of them could afford. She was not ready for it yet. Her eyes told him that.

But she wanted it, she wanted it so much, but was still too afraid that he did not want her as well. Her heart was still guarding itself from becoming broken again. So even though her actions screamed yes, her eyes said no. So he listened to the no.

He placed a light kiss on her fingertips before he pulled away, knowing that it was not what either of them wanted- but also knowing that it was what they needed. Even being aware of all of it didn't make it any easier when he pulled back.

Rose bounced of the bed faster than a jackrabbit, already running away from what had just happened. Tension hung heavy in the room. He knew what she thinking- that he had pulled away because he did not want her, that she was not good enough for him. But she was so very wrong and he had no idea how to reassure her. He was at a loss for words.

How do you explain you pulled away because moving closer would not help at all?

She was a whirling dervish, looking for something in her closet. Shoes were flying left and right, shirts were covering the floor. He knew she was behaving like this in order to forget about the almost-moment. It was a way of escaping without the running. Evidently she had picked up more than one of his habits.

He stood up, avoiding a shoe that may or may not have been aimed at his face. He cautiously approached her, like she was a wild animal. Rose spun around, her eyes crazed. He reached out to her, but she flinched a little and he saw her eyes flit to the door. He blocked her as she tried to run, pulling her tight against him in a hug trying to convey everything he could not say yet.

She seemed to catch the gist though and calmed down quickly, her breathing returning to normal. He pulled back slowly. He could give her something to hold on to, something that would help ease her, which would show how he felt.

"Rose, do you remember what I showed you yesterday?"

She nodded.

"Do you remember what happened at the end of that memory?" he continued.

"You regenerated?" she ventured, the question confusing her.

"Before that Rose, before you passed out," he prodded her.

"He kissed me to save me."

"I kissed you to save you, Rose. Me. New face, same man. And the fact that I saved you was just a great benefit. I could have done it another way, Rose, a thousand ways, But I kissed you!" and with that he eased her out of his arms. "I'll be in the media room when you're ready. Rose." He stopped at the door, inhaling deeply "Take all the time you need. I will wait for you, always for you."

And he left, leaving a very bewildered Rose Tyler behind.

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 **I am going to go hide now, Please don't hate me I promise a great moment in the next chapter. I am not teasing you on purpose. But since I left it like this I will tell you next Chapter is New Earth.**


	29. Chapter 30

**Thanks to TheBigCat as always shes great.**

 **Thanks to all who have reviewed, followed, favorited, please keep it up**

 **Hear it is the long awaited Chapter 29 and now off to work I go.**

 **Allons-y**

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Rose was confused. _What the hell had just happened?_

Well, she knew what had not happened. The Doctor had not kissed her. She had practically begged for it. They had been so close- her fingers on his lips, his gaze had darkened and then-

Nada. Zip.

Okay, maybe not _zip_ \- he had kissed her fingertips. _Why did he not kiss me?_ _Did he not want to? No, he had wanted to._ She could tell. He had fought, when he pulled there had been the hug and his questions. If she remembered what he had shown h _?_ er.

The kiss. He wanted her to remember the kiss. Like she could forget that kiss. Well, she had forgotten the kiss, but that wasn't the point. She remembered it, now. But what was his point bringing it up? She thought back to what had been said.

 _He kissed me. I kissed you Rose. Me- different face, same man. I kissed you._

Something clicked- He was telling her he had kissed her. She kept separating the two men but they were the same man. And if her first Doctor had kissed her then her current Doctor had kissed her.

Wait, was what he was trying to tell her- that he wanted to kiss her. Just now, as well. Maybe he would only kiss her if she was dying. Maybe that worked for him.

She could not figure out what he had been thinking and it was making her head hurt. She stood and readied herself for the day ahead, trying to push her nagging thoughts to the back of her mind.

She guessed he had another memory to show her. Now that she was voicing how she felt again, she presumed, he wouldn't stop them. They were helping her. Much more then she realized.

She had been so sure he would fail. Everybody else had. Hell, she had even given up on herself getting better, choosing, instead, to lock up who she was. She had been a coward in the greatest sense of the word.

But she was coming back- the old Rose was returning, and while she would never be that naive girl from the memories again, she would take the best parts of that girl and integrate her into the woman she was becoming.

She threw on the leather jacket. It was hers now, a new body armour. But unlike the day before, it was not armour to keep her feelings in check, or to protect her. It had a new mission now; it would help heal her and then it would help her get the Doctor. 'Just mates' wasn't going to cut it this time.

He wanted her and she wanted him. It really wasn't that complicated when you stopped and thought about it. She was just going to have to knock down his shields and get him to make a move. She had waited too long- had travelled too far and had been brought back against all odds to him. And this time she was going to keep him. She just had to convince him of that, and work on her own heart and emotions at the same time.

Rose Tyler would be a coward no longer. No more running from her emotions. No more stupid tantrums. Time to own up to what had happened, on both their parts. She walked through the door and left the coward behind. It was time to find her Doctor and finish the healing he had begun.

Once she was done with that, they would talk. He had hidden things from her and she wanted to know the truth, but she would be patient, she could be very patient when she needed to be. She would get him to confess all. Because they could not move forward if the past held them back.

She hurried to the media room. He was waiting, just like he said he would. She hurried to her place on the loveseat that had taken the place of the couch. The TARDIS was helping, Rose just knew it. But he did not seem to notice as he set down to join her. She scooted till she was against him and placed her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her.

"Ready for your next trip down memory lane?" he asked.

"You mean _our_ trip down memory lane, Doctor," she corrected. "It's your memories." She grinned teasingly at him. He grinned right back, pleased that she was joking with him after this morning's rollercoaster ride.

He could not tell exactly what had changed since he had left her room just a little while ago. But something had shifted in Rose. She was different, somehow. She seemed stronger, more sure of herself. More like the women she was becoming before Canary Wharf had happened.

This pleased him. He was helping her and now she was really trying. _That's what the change is_ , he realized with clarity.

Rose had finally given in the rest of the way. She had decided to stop running and embrace her past. Ooh, this was very good indeed.

"Earth to Doctor, we gonna watch this or not?" her voice broke through, and he started. "Oh yes, Rose Tyler, we're most definitely going to watch."

She grinned at him again and focused her eyes to the screen in front of her. _Let's get to work_ , she thought.

The memory started to play.

On the screen, they stepped out of the TARDIS onto a beautiful hillside. _This should be fun to watch_ , Rose thought. _But I should see if he will let me add my memories to this. That'd make it more interesting._

She turned and asked. "Doctor, can you add my memories to the ball thingie? I want you to see it from my perspective. Maybe you can mix them somehow, so it fills in the gaps or something? There's a moment I really think you should see."

"Yup, we can do that. Touch the 'ball thingie', as you put it, and concentrate on the memory you want. Then wham, into the ball it goes." He grinned exuberantly at Rose. He was very excited that she wanted him to see her memories as well. This was a huge stride in the right direction. He walked over to the ball and she followed him.

"Do just what I said- it should work great."

Rose placed her hands on the ball and it glowed a glittery gold after a moment. _Strange,_ he thought. _It just blurs then clears when I put mine in there._ But he brushed it off, thinking, _different memory patterns, it was like when you mixed two colours together and got something different_.

They took their places back on the loveseat that now seemed strangely smaller than it had been a few moments ago. They both noticed, but chose not to say anything and resumed their cuddling position with no awkwardness. They fell into it as if it were natural as breathing.

The memory started again, their interactions playing out on screen. He could see now the flirting as it had taken place- the way her arm had gently brushed his as she said she loved traveling with him. The look she had given him had been so full of emotion and wonder.

That's when he realized that he had run for the first time. He had pulled away from Rose. He had grabbed her hand and yanked her to follow him in order to brake the moment, only to have those same feelings come up again minutes later as they lay on his coat, surrounded by apple grass.

He felt Rose snuggle closer into his side and move her head to rest on his chest. He wrapped his arm more tightly around her, cursing himself for being such an idiot back then.

He had no idea that she felt anything for him until the incident at the school with Sarah-Jane. But watching this memory of her, it was obvious. The expressions on her face, the way she teased him- she might as well been holding a sign above her head, _that read I like you, I like you!_ in great big flashing neon letters.

His eyes danced over the women in his arms. He really had been an idiot when it came to her. The memory progressed and he still laughed at her face when she said _"They're cats,"_ and he grimaced when he heard his reply. It was meant to be a nice remark on how he viewed her but came out so rude. " _Now don't stare. Think what you_ _look like to them, all pink and yellow._ " Well he could rectify that mistake now.

"I meant it to be a compliment, you know."

Rose looked up at him, confused.

"I was trying to say that that was how I saw you. I've never been too great at complimenting you. It's just like when we met Charles Dickens. And I said you were beautiful before I messed it up by saying for a human." He smiled sheepishly at her. "You are, you know- beautiful."

Rose could feel herself going red at his bold statement. "Shut up," she whispered. "I'm not- let's just watch, yeah?"

He nodded, not sure how to reassure her of how truly gorgeous she was.

"You really should have given me some warning you know, you had the whole walk to the hospital to tell me about the disinfectant," she said into his shoulder. He watched on screen with amusement as the disinfectant process took place, her younger self trying to find the off button. Her face as the powder hit her. And then he could not keep it back any longer, and he laughed hard at her when the dryers came on. "You liked that part, Rose, don't deny it. Just look at your primping in that air."

She laughed with him. She could not help it. "It felt nice. I'm just saying, some warning would've been nice. Then I might have enjoyed my unexpected shower a bit more." She was still giggling.

They watched the him on screen talking to the nurses and finding the Face of Boe. Then it shifted to her memory from stepping out of the lift. The clone greeting her. "Look at you, Rose Tyler," he exclaimed. "Brilliant, you are-followed him but you grabbed something to protect yourself with."

"Not like it helped, she still possessed me," she replied offhandedly.

"Oh, but you tried, Rose, and that's what counts in the end."

They watched the memory of her or Cassandra waking up in her body. Rose sat up quickly, and turned to him. "How come we can see this? It's not my memory, it's Cassandra's."

"Subconscious, Rose. It's still your mind she compressed, so the memories are still there."

He had his lecturing voice on. She knew if she did not halt him- he would give her a whole lesson and while she adored his voice when he got like this- all teacher like- she really wanted to watch. So she raised her hand and pressed it against his mouth with a small "shhh." His lips twitched under her hand and she felt his smile. She removed her hand and went back to watching.

 _Oh lord, look at how she's having me behave , bouncing around undoing my shirt. Did she just call me a chav? How dare her! I'm not a chav._

"Well at least she likes my butt" she exclaimed out loud, much to the amusement of the Doctor. He choked back a reply that would have left her red for days, and chose to remain silent.

When her phone rang she watched as Cassandra answered it trying to talk like her. "Honestly, how did you not know that wasn't me?"

He tugged at his ear, not looking at her. "Well," he drawled out. "I really wasn't paying much thought at the time. Busy, you know."

She grinned at him and nudged him, asking "When did you know something was off?" He was blushing again. "Never mind. I'll just watch."

Rose watched as Cassandra and the Doctor interacted with great interest. This whole trip had previously been a blur, thanks to the whole mind takeover.

 _-I can't Adam and Eve it._

 _-What's- what's with the voice?_

 _-Oh I don't know. Just larking about. New Earth, new me._

 _-Well, I can talk. New, new Doctor._

 _-Aren't you just?_

Rose watched in stunned amazement, as Cassandra threw her arms around the Doctor- _her_ Doctor- and kissed him long and hard.

 _Well that's just not fair, not remotely fair!_ Why was it that every time her lips met his she could not raised her eyebrows at the man next to her. He was red again "You still didn't realize it wasn't me?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, becoming redder. She ignored his discomfort, and turned her attention back to the screen.

He had begun to suspect something was up at the computers. And Rose knew why. She was not that tech-savy. Cassandra basically had given herself away. She watched as the Doctor put it all together on the screen, and was a little shocked and pleased about how angry he had become about her being possessed.

She watched them escape the hordes of diseased riddled, soon to be new humans. She watched in astonishment, as he forced Cassandra to remove herself from… well, herself and went into the Doctor.

 _This is going to be good. He's going to go so red. Oh crap. She was going to go so red at some of the things that Cassandra had said. Oh well, too late now. At least he's going to start blushing first._

 _-Goodness me, I'm a man. Yum! So many parts. And hardly used. Oh- oh! Two hearts! Oh, baby, I'm beating out a samba!_

Rose could not help it- she burst out laughing. She had wanted to laugh back then, too. The movements Cassandra had been making the Doctor do...

She looked at him- just like she had guessed he was a bright, cherry red.

 _-Ooh, he's slim, and a little bit foxy. You've thought so too. I've been in your head. You've been looking. You like it._

Rose could feel her own face heating up. She chanced a glance at him. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Foxy?" he asked with a sly smile. "You naughty girl!"

She felt herself go redder at his flirting banter, and stuck her tongue out at him, refusing to answer his remark. He grinned brightly at her and dragged her over to him for a quick hug. "Been called worse." He mumbled in her hair before releasing her.

The rest of the memory played out and when it was over, they were both laughing and poking fun at what the other had done while being possessed. He was still teasing her about Cassandra's statement of _walking around in a bouncy castle_ and calling him foxy.

Rose had to find a way to shut him up- then a great idea popped in her head. There was one surefire way to shut him up. But the question was, did she have the nerve to follow through with it? Could she keep her emotions from getting the best of her? Could she keep her walls in place? She took a deep breath. _Only one way to find out._

"Doctor?" He looked down at her as she raised her head from the spot on his shoulder, so they were face to face. She steadied herself for the next move. She went in for a hug which he reciprocated gladly.

She pulled back slowly her hand still resting on the back of his neck. She leaned forward, and had just a moment to see the confused expression on his face, before her lips roughly took hold of his. She sucked his lower lip in her mouth slowly before she released him and pulled back, taking in the dazed Time Lord. It took all the power she possessed to not lean in and repeat her last action.

She went to stand, but noticed that his hands had not released her waist. She detangled herself with care as he sat there, staring at her with his mouth slightly opened. She reached up and tapped it closed, before walking out of the room.

"Next time, if there's a next time, you'll know how I kiss, yeah?"

 _Well_ , she thought. _That most definitely shut him up._

She skipped down the hall to her room, her tongue tracing her lips to memorize the taste.

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 **Ok guys tell me what you think cant wait to read them.**


	30. Chapter 31

**Ok Chapter 30 guys. Now that fanfiction is working again. Thanks to TheBigCat for her being an amazing Beta.**

 **This Chapter is a bit shorter then most of mine, I tried to make it longer I did. But it was not working. SO it stayed short because it needed to. so I'm sorry. I hope you guys like it.**

 **That last chapter though lol. I am a bit of a tease but I promise a real and true kiss is coming up.**

 **Thanks to all who have reviewed, followed or favorited you make my day brighter. Please keep doing it.**

 **Allons-y**

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He sat on that love seat for hours, his mind going over and over the way her lips had felt pressed to his. It had not been a gentle kiss- it was rough and full of pent-up passion, and over far too quickly.

And then Rose had tossed out that remark of how he'd know what she kissed like, if she was ever taken over again. But he was not fooled. She may have told herself she was kissing him to prove a point, but she had wanted to do it again as soon as she had pulled away. Her eyes did not lie and they had been full of barely suppressed passion.

He should have pulled her back down and snogged her breathless. But instead he had been too flabbergasted and had set there with his mouth hung open, like the idiot he was when it came to Rose. Smartest man in the universe and struck dumb as a post from a simple kiss from a pink and yellow girl.

He made himself move to his bedroom. He was tired. It had been a long day. His tongue flickered out to taste her upon his lips and he moaned quietly. Now it was going to be even more difficult to prevent himself from kissing her. He had a taste- a small one- and now wanted more. More of Rose.

He climbed into his bed, wishing it was hers again, and shut his eyes. Sleep overtook him before he remembered to grab the shirt from the table next to him.

The nightmares came, as always. Bowie Base One was tonight's feature length film. He woke up screaming, trying to escape the demon of the gunshot. He shot straight up. He could feel the wetness on his cheeks. He reached for her shirt and held it close. It smelled of him now but it was still something that belonged to her. He held it close, wishing she was here with him.

Rose awoke when the scream ripped down the hallway and rushed to find the man she knew it had come from. She was going to help him heal, just like he was doing for her and this was an excellent place to start. The TARDIS must have moved their rooms closer, because she was at his door in two heartbeats.

No sooner did the thought cross his mind when he heard his door open and the patter of bare feet cross the wooden floor. He looked up to see a sleep tousled Rose, wearing his old jacket over her jimjams and standing next to his bed. He looked away, ashamed that she would see the tear tracks on his face, forgetting about the shirt he held in his hands.

He felt her sink slowly on the bed next to him and tenderly draw him into her arms, holding him tightly to her body, soothing him by touch alone.

"What's wrong, Doctor?" she whispered into his neck. "Tell me what's wrong." She felt him shiver at her breath. Rose slightly pulled back to take his face in her hands, and searched his eyes, looking for an answer to her unasked question, finding none.

"Tell me Doctor. Talk to me. Trust me." He went to pull away but she held him tight.

"I'm alright, Rose, I'm always alright." he said softly, trying to pull away again. She continued to hold him even as he pulled.

"Don't feed me that line, Doctor. You're not okay, I know you're not, so talk to me- let me help, the way you have been helping me. No more running, remember?" She said the last sentence so lovingly he stopped trying to pull away.

She grabbed him in for another hug, and whispered, "trust me."

He pulled her back with him as his back hit the headboard never releasing the grip on her back. He eased her till she was beside him. With one arm still wrapped around her stomach, the other fell into her hair, twisting it around his fingers. Her shirt had ended up in his lap. She noticed it, but stayed silent. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts. Finally, after several long minutes, he haltingly began to speak.

"I did some bad things, Rose, after leaving you on Bad Wolf Bay. _Really_ bad things. You wouldn't have recognized me. I was angry and despondent and alone. So alone. Always alone." his voice broke on the last syllable. "I became a madman. I decided the laws of Time no longer mattered. I gave myself a new title- the Time Lord Victorious. Time was to bend towards my will and the rules were going to be broken in every way. I didn't care anymore. I had lost everything. And with no one there to halt me, I did as I pleased- screw the consequences. I made a woman take her own life." His voice finally broke the rest of the way and a few tears fell.

 _Rose would run now_ , he thought, _and run fast_ , _seeing this broken man that was supposed to be strong_. But to his surprise, she held him tighter. When she finally drew back and looked at him. He could see tears in her eyes. But not a trace of fear or hate graced her face.

"You are truly rubbish on your own," she finally said, breaking the silence that had perpetrated the room. She grinned at him teasingly, and suddenly he felt much better for telling her. He grinned right back at her.

"You're not much better. I guess since we're both rubbish at it, we'll just have to stick together."

"Two peas in a pod, we are," she replied before a huge yawn overtook her. "The human needs more sleep," she muttered, starting to disentangle herself from his arms, somewhat clumsy as another yawn erupted from her mouth.

He gently pulled her back to him and whispered, "you can stay, if you want."

Rose knew she really shouldn't. But somehow that did not seem to matter as her head found its way to his chest and an arm encircled her waist. She felt her old t-shirt under her head and removed it gently, leaning over to place it on the table next to him. She smiled gently down at him as she resumed her previous position.

"It's nice to know you missed me. I didn't think you cared," she murmured into his chest.

"Oh, Rose Tyler," he said, so softly she almost didn't catch it. "You were missed. Missed more than you could ever know. That's not the only shirt of yours I have. In my jacket, I carry a piece of you as well. You were with me no matter what, never to be forgotten."

He felt her sigh and cuddle in closer. He reached one hand up and played with her hair. "Rose?" he asked.

A vague murmur was all he got, but he went for it anyway. "Why did you kiss me?"

"Wanted to show you how I kissed so you'd know," she replied sleepily/

"Yeah, any other reason?"

"Not fair."

"Rose, I need more than just two words here. What's not fair?"

She rubbed her eyes with a spare hand. "First kiss, me Bad Wolf, second kiss, me Cassandra. Third kiss, me clone. I never kissed just you. You needed an example for future reference and I wanted to know. Call it a science experiment."

He pressed a kiss on top of her head. "Was it good, Rose?" She didn't say anything, and he leaned in curiously. "Rose?" But she made no reply. She was soundly asleep. He smiled gently and pressed another kiss to her head, before dozing off himself.

Neither of them spoke about his nightmare again, or the kiss, just as neither of them spoke of their new sleeping arrangements.

The fact was, however they avoided it, that one of them always ended up in the others room at night in order to keep the nightmares at bay, where they could both get some much needed rest. Every morning, they would wake up and separate as if nothing had happened the night before and each would promise themselves that last night was the last time it would happen. But they both knew they were lying to themselves and it would keep happening. So they just let it be for the time being. After all- why fix what wasn't broken?

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 **You know what I want, On the bottom of your screen is a blank space. I want it not to be blank. Give me a review, let me know your thoughts. I will reply to questions, you just have to ask. Please leave me a note I love your thoughts.**


	31. Chapter 32

**Thanks as always to my amazing Beta TheBigCat that kitty is great.**

 **Thanks for all the reviews I love to read each and every one of them. sometimes many times to help me get through my day at work.**

 **To all that have followed or favorited or read thank you so much you guys mean the world to me.**

 **Ok Chapter 31 some things start to come to light then you only have one more chapter till a long awaited moment. and its a good one. I'm not a tease on purpose I just wanted it to be perfect.**

 **Allons-y**

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The pair of them were both sitting in the media room again, cuddled up next to each other and watching _Aladdin_. Rose had flat out refused to watch _The Lion King_ or _The Muppet Movie_ again. When the movie was done and the genie was free, she leaned over to him.

"Doctor," she began, chewing on her lip. "Can we watch another memory, now?"

He grinned like the madman he was. "Yup, Rose Tyler, we certainly can. Just give me a mo to set it up."

The Doctor was happy- very happy, The new sleeping arrangement suited him perfectly. He was more rested than he had been in years. And Rose was his friend again. They were still not as close as they once were, but they were getting there. He hadn't shown Rose another memory since the last one- waiting until she asked, letting her adjust to all of the changes in her emotions. She was teasing him more, and laughing. But on occasion he would see the sadness flicker into her eyes and a few tears slide out.

She was stronger now, more than when she had first arrived. The jacket still covered her shoulders all the time, even at night as she lay sleeping in his arms. It was hers now, she had laid claim to it. Just as he had laid claim to her two shirts. However, he did not mention the leather and she did not mention her shirts. They were both avoiding the topic, along with the sleeping habit they had found themselves in.

Along with the kiss.

The kiss that was never far from his thoughts, a kiss that he very much wanted to repeat. A kiss he had wanted for years. But she was still not ready to take that next step. Most days she would allow him to hold her hand and cuddle with her. There were still times when he went to take her hand and she would yank away from him. She was still fighting her demons. She was winning, but it was a long battle. But even on the days she fought the hardest with her emotions, at night when she was asleep her barriers dropped and he would end up with Rose sleeping on his chest, cuddled as closely as she could.

He turned back to the woman on the loveseat. "Werewolves, Scotland, Queen Victoria. Do you want to add anything?" he asked. She nodded her head in affirmation, before jumping off her seat to add her own memories to the swirling ball. He noticed that once again it tinged gold as she touched it. They hurried back to their spots before it started.

The memory began with the inside of the TARDIS. He raised his eyebrows at her in a silent question. This must have been a part she had added. He had intended the memory to start at Torchwood Estate. She grinned up at him and said, "I liked this part. You dancing around the console, singing, _it's good to be a-_ "

 _"-lunatic,"_ they both finished together.

"Never did get to take you to see them in concert," he added, sadly shaking his head. She patted his hand in a comforting gesture. "It's okay, Doctor. Werewolves are just as good, yeah?" She gave him that tongue-in-tooth grin he loved. He smiled back at her. She really had no idea what she was doing to him.

They both turned their attention back to the memory, up to the part where they were separated for her to go get changed. He watched as she opened the closet and found Flora, and explained to her that she had a friend that could help. He saw Rose get taken and tightened his grip around her shoulder, and felt her relax into the tensed embrace. She shifted slightly, allowing her head to fall to his chest- one palm coming to rest in between his hearts. His favourite position by far, even if he did have to fight to keep his breathing stable and hearts beat calm. He was playing with fire every time they sat like this- it was getting harder to remember the reasons why he should not kiss her. He felt Rose shift slightly and she buried her face into the fabric of his shirt and inhale slightly before turning on her cheek again to watch the rest of the show. He really didn't think she was even aware that she had done it. He glanced down at her head on his chest and prayed to every deity he knew- though did not believe in- that he would not turn her around and kiss her. He forced his eyes away from her and back to the screen.

Rose was in a room now with other people, and his brave, foolish, and very jeopardy friendly pink and yellow girl was trying to have a conversation with a werewolf. She was trying to get him to tell her everything.

"Doctor I Got that from you, you know- Floor 500, us locked up and you're just having a nice conversation with our captor. Like there's not a big worm thing hanging from the ceiling." He felt her smile across his chest the words were spoken with absolute confidence. He could not resist leaning down and brushing a soft, tender kiss to her hair. He was happy. She seemed to have picked up on some of his better habits along with the running. But then something else struck him. Rose had said _got that from you._

She had referred to the old him and this him as the same person for the first time.

He picked up her hand from his chest turned it over and pressed his lips to her palm, words failing him for the moment. He let go of her hand and it found its way back to where it had been. They watched as the man spoke.

 _-Look! Inside your eyes. You've seen it too._

 _-Seen what?_

 _-The wolf. There is something of the wolf about you._

 _-I don't know what you mean._

 _-You burnt like the sun._

Rose felt the Doctor tense under her. They had never discussed this- she had kept the werewolf's remarks to herself and truly, she had forgotten them in the adventure that followed. She sat up and looked at him. He was staring back at her in shock, though she did not know why. They were just words, they hadn't meant anything. She was no longer Bad Wolf, she didn't glow like the sun. She was just Rose Tyler, former shop girl, Torchwood agent, and companion of the Doctor. Nothing special about her at all, not really. Okay, the fast healing was a bit odd, but the dimension cannon had been responsible for that right. Right?

She could see the gears turning fast in his head. He was fitting pieces of a puzzle together, while she was still trying to open the box.

He finally opened his mouth to talk but no words came forth. He asked the TARDIS for what he needed and a mirror appeared on the table. He reached down slowly, never taking his eyes off hers. He handed her the mirror. Rose gave him the most confused look she could muster. He just dumbly gestured towards the mirror. She turned and gazed at herself.

And promptly dropped the mirror in shock. He caught it quickly before it hit the ground and smashed into a million shards of glittering crystal.

Her eyes were glowing gold not the bright gold of her being bad wolf. But flakes of it flared in her eyes, dancing around. In the few seconds that she had seen it, Rose had seen untempered power, and it scared her more than just a little. Bad Wolf was still there and it had decided to make her presence known.

 _Oh no_ , was his first thought when he had seen her eyes glow gold before it had faded into flecks. He didn't understand what was going on. He had removed the Vortex from her- or he thought he had. Either way this was not good. The Bad Wolf was present in her eyes and it wanted to play.

It did clear some things up, though. The fast healing was now explained. The small amount of Vortex energy that remained a part of her- the Bad Wolf- had allowed Rose to heal faster. What else had it changed? Was this the reason his other self had been able to pull her through the universes? Was she going to be okay? The questions were piling up and he had no answers.

He took a deep breath, then one more, steadying himself. He forced himself to look past the gold glittering in her eyes, searching for the honey brown that hid beneath it- searching for Rose. When he found her, he saw fear. She was as afraid as he was, but confusion also was there. He grabbed her and held her tight.

"What's going on Doctor?" Her voice trembled with her fear. "Why're my eyes gold? Am I going to be okay? Am I going to- d-die?" Her voice broke. "I don't want to die any more. I just found you again. I don't want to go."

He forced himself not to flinch at those words. "You're not going anywhere, Rose Tyler. You, me and the TARDIS, remember?" He pulled back to look at her again. The gold was fading. "As for what's going on with you- my guess is that I didn't remove all of the Vortex from you and a part of Bad Wolf has remained."

"What's going to happen to me?" Her voice still shook.

He cupped her cheek and tenderly said, "I'm not going to lie, Rose- I don't know. This has never happened before a human has never looked into the Vortex and survived. You are unique, not only did you survive it, you controlled it. And it's changed you. I need to ask you some questions. I told myself I wouldn't push you for answers, but we need to know, Rose. I need to know how I can help." He took a deep breath. "Rose, I need you to trust me. You're not going to be able to run- we have to know. I need answers- honest answers- about your time in the other world. And I know in order for you to answer honestly, you're going to have to trust me. Do you trust me, Rose?"

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 **Please don't kill me. lol but please drop a review and let me know what you are thinking, guessing, shoot leave me something and thanks for reading.**


	32. Chapter 33

**Thanks to TheBigCat for doing a great job. Really guys I know I say it every time but she makes my story so so much better.**

 **Thanks to all that have reviewed and favorited or followed or read or looked at it. Ok i'm becoming the Doctor and rambling I will stop.**

 **The moment is coming guys its coming very -so soon.**

 **Allons-y and don't forget to review.**

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Rose sat there, unmoving, his question bouncing around her head. Did she trust him? She knew she loved him, knew she believed in him- but trust? That was a concept she could not grasp. She had trusted him once with everything that she had been. But that trust had ebbed over time until the breaking point on Bad Wolf Bay when it disappeared completely- when the wanderer's blue box had wheezed out of existence.

When had her trust in the Doctor start to disappear? Sarah Jane- when he had not told her about others who had travelled with him. That was when it had started, she realized with clarity. Then the French tart he had kissed. Who cared that she was a French mistress? Then he had gone jumping through a mirror on a horse with nary a second thought of her. Then when she had started to slowly trust him again, Canary Wharf had happened and he had sent her away- even though he had promised he would not do that to her. How could she trust a man that sent her away every time he got the chance? He had said he would not do it again, and she believed him. But trusting him was a different story. But could she continue becoming better if she did not trust him? Could they figure out what was wrong with her if she did not trust him? He needed answers. His eyes begged her to let him in- to trust him.

She began to speak carefully. "I want to trust you, Doctor, I do- I really do. But I can't. Not yet." She could see the pain in his eyes and hurried on. "I believe in you- can't that be enough for now? We're friends and I promise I won't lie and I won't run. I can handle this, Doctor. I can be strong for this. I can do this, if you trust that I won't lie to you. I'm a crap liar anyway and we both know it." It was asking a lot of him to trust her, when she did not trust him. But she just wasn't ready to trust him yet. He had to prove to her that she could trust him again. She really hoped he understood.

He sat there, unable to move from his spot next to her, even though he itched to get up and pace. He had nobody to blame but himself for her lack of trust. He had caused it and cursed himself now for every shallow, dumb move he had made. She believed in him- that was going to have to be enough for now. After all, belief was a form of trust. And if that was all she could give him- well, then he would have to accept that.

Rose was worrying that bottom lip again. He realized it was very distracting from the task at hand. She was worried about his response. It still stung that she did not trust him, even a little. But he needed to push his own feelings aside at the moment- all of his feelings. The stirrings of lust needed to go, along with his guilty conscience.

He reached over, took her hand in his own, and squeezed it reassuringly. He quickly let go. "That will have to do for now. You may not trust me, Rose Tyler, but I trust you." She graced him with a small smile and a sigh of relief. Her eyes brightened considerably and he found himself in a sudden but heartfelt hug. He drew back reluctantly- her touching him was not helping keep the passionate thoughts at bay.

He smiled back at her in order for her to know he had liked the embrace before speaking slowly. "Rose, are you ready?"

Her reply was about what he expected it would be. "Not really, but I don't think waiting is going to help." He smiled a little- his Rose was so very strong. "Okay. When was the first time you noticed yourself healing faster?"

Her reply was quick and emotionless. "After my second jump."

"What happened?"

She could hear the worry in his tone and rushed to reassure him. "Nothing, Doctor. It was after the jump. Me and Micky decided to get ourselves some tattoos. I got up the next morning and it was all healed like I had it my whole life."

 _Rose had a tattoo. Oh, that was hot- very sexy._ _Stop_ , he added to himself firmly but could not help the way his eyes skimmed her body, wondering where it was hiding. Or what it was. He would love to unearth it and caress it and kiss-

 _STOP_ , he screamed in his mind. This was not a direction his thoughts could go to as of yet.

Rose could see the fascination that her tattoo had invoked and had not missed the way his eyes had darkened as he ran them up and down her body. He was curious- very curious- about that piece of ink. And if she was not wrong, which she did not think she was in this, he very much wanted to find it.

She wondered what he would say if he knew what it was. How he would react to those three letters that spelled the word right over her heart. Would he trace it like she had? Or maybe he'd stand there in shock that her feelings for him were so intense that she had basically marked herself as his. All he had to do was claim it.

His gaze had fallen from her face. She followed it down and was slightly amused at what held his rapt attention. Though it really shouldn't have. Nine hundred-year-old alien or not, he was still a block at the end of the day, month, year, or century and at this moment it was very clear that he was definitely a man underneath it all.

Because the Doctor- _her_ Doctor- was staring very hard at her chest. "Doctor,"she said, and cleared her throat, but got no response. "Doctor…"

"Doctor!" she finally shouted. He made a little humming sound but was still staring openly at her chest, "My eyes are up here, Spock." That made him look up quickly and the blush started at his neck and worked its way up his face. She grinned at him and teasingly asked, "like what you see?" He grew even redder before nodding his head yes.

"Very much so."

Which made her grow rosy as well.

They sat there, staring at each other for a few minutes, he said, a bit squeakily- "Questions."

He cleared his throat. "I was supposed to be asking you questions, Rose." She smiled at him and he quickly started talking again before he fell back into the trance he had been in. "Okay. Fine. Tattoo was when you first noticed. Then what?"

He saw her tense and raise herself. She was going to run, but to his surprise she just started to pace around the room, a lot like he did when he was trying to figure out a problem before things got worse. _Just how much did she pick up from_ _me?_ he wondered absently, grinning at her. She stopped and turned to face him. The look of determination on her face spoke volumes- he had a strange feeling he was not going to like whatever she had to tell him.

"The fourth jump was when we figured out something odd was going on with me. I was so close that time. So close to finding you just a couple of blocks away." Her voice caught slightly before she continued. "I'd just met Donna- I didn't know who she was, though. They pulled me back but something went wrong- instead of pulling me back to base, it jumped me to the middle of a street in the old estate. A car hit me. They pulled me back quickly enough that the person driving must have thought they were going around the bend. But I was pretty hurt. Broke my leg, arm and collarbone. Couple of ribs too," she added offhandedly, before going on. "Hurt like bloody hell and I passed out. Next thing I know I was in the medbay at Torchwood, with Doctors all around me. They were setting my leg and fixing me up. I passed out again. When I woke again, the pain was less and I could feel my bones healing. The bruises and scrapes were already gone. Within a month I was all healed- not even a scar to show for it. They ran test after test but couldn't figure out what was going on with me. We all put it down to prolonged use of the cannon." She stopped to take a breath and looked at him. She was unaware that she had started to pace again as she explained. He was looking at her like he had never seen her before, and he was angry the storm clouds raged in his eyes. When she looked past that, she also saw fear a deep fear.

She crossed the room and settled next to him again. He was shaking slightly- though whether it was from the anger or the fear she did not know. She reached over and clasped his hand, entwining her own with his, and used her other hand to force his face towards hers. She felt him shudder and pulled him in for a hug. "I'm fine, Doctor," she whispered in his ear as she held him close- his body was rigid as stone. She ran her hands up and down his back, repeating over and over that she was here and fine and felt his arms move and encircle her waist. They stayed like that for a while before he pulled back.

She sat there, as he silently searched her eyes, looking for something- of what she was not sure. But then she felt him exhale slowly and lean in and the rest of the world fell away.

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 **I am going to go hide under my bed. I promise I am not a tease but I did say the moment was coming soon you just have to wait till I post the next chapter. which I will do after 10 Reviews and when my beta gets it back to me. And i promise it was worth the wait.**


	33. Chapter 34

**Thanks to the amazing TheBigCat for being amazing.**

 **Thanks to all who have read.**

 **Big thanks to all that have reviewed. followed or favorited. You make my day.**

 **So chapter 33 just as I promised I said after 10 reviews or when my Beta got it back to me. well she just got it back to me. lol so I am posting this at 6 in the morning my time before I go to work because I keep my word.**

 **I know this chapter is shorter but I hope you guys will forgive me. I am done being a tease and Now I give you the long awaited Moment.**

 **Allons-y**

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He didn't touch his lips to hers yet- only looked at her. Her Doctor's face dropped closer to hers. _Was this it? Was it finally going to happen?_

His mouth lowered slowly. Why wasn't he…?

That's when Rose felt his tongue trace a lazy line over her lips. There were reasons why they had not done this yet, but they all seemed to disappear when he was doing the one thing she never thought he would do. And she was done trying to figure things out at this moment- she was just going to close her eyes and experience.

She'd never had known anyone to take such care with a kiss. Jimmy had been rough and greedy, Mickey sweet, but a bit like a puppy- all slobber. But her Doctor was taking his time and his lips had yet to touch hers. The tip of his tongue outlined and tested the fullness of her mouth, so tenderly, so slowly- it was like he was categorising every line on her lips. It was all sensation, all arousal. She never knew a mouth could feel so much, let alone her own mouth. It was like a thousand lightning bolts striking- and it was all centred on her lips. This was a kiss that was like no other she had ever had, a kiss that was not a kiss and it made her incapable of moving. She could not react at all- just sit there and memorise this moment. It could get no better than this.

That was when his mouth caught her lower lip and bit it gently. Her hands had somehow found the will to lift themselves to his head and her fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer- even though the logical part of her said to pull away. He nibbled on her lip before he drew it into his mouth to suck- until everything in her finally caved in.

His hand rubbed a smooth circle on the base of her neck. He still hadn't kissed her. His hand made its way up to her hair, and Rose felt herself moan in surrender, and his lips- _her_ Doctor's lips- finally met hers. How she had waiting this long, she did not know. Time seemed to stop and speed up all at once. His hands were greedy in her hair and hers in his. Mouths opened and tongues met as years of pent up tension and passion came to a head.

He tasted like she had always imagined- of time, tea, bananas, books and a hint of cinnamon and peppermint. It was a taste as addictive as any drug. And she knew that she would never get sick of it, and she would always crave more.

He had known she would be responsive. He'd always known that when Rose was into something she gave it her whole attention. It had not been his plan to kiss her- it just happened- and it felt _so right_.

After all that she had been through- her fight to find her way back to him, the danger she had put herself through- he had just dropped her off in Norway with no goodbye. Something in him finally snapped. He could no longer hold back and her eyes gave him permission to take what, he had been craving since she had laid that kiss on him after the memory of New Earth. Now he couldn't remember why he'd been waiting so long.

He had taken his sweet time connecting their lips. Their first kiss was to be remembered- it had to be special. He thought he may have succeeded, with the way Rose was kissing him back. She tasted like nothing he could have ever imagine- but he could taste hints of chocolate, spearmint, popcorn, a taste that was Rose alone and just a hint of pear. He hated pears, but on her it was the most amazing taste.

He would never be able to stop doing this now that he had started; now that he had given in. Now that she had given in. He hoped that she would continue to get better and not stop now that they had reached this point. He felt her trace his teeth with her mouth and suck his lower lip before pulling back to take a gasp of air.

He could not help himself- his lips placed tender kisses along her neck and up her jaw before he gently kissed her again. He pulled away.

They sat there, both trying to regain breath. When Rose spoke all she could say was, "wow."

He beamed, knowing his smile was cocky as was his voice. "Good, eh? Told you I had the moves, Rose Tyler."

"You should have boasted more," she replied breathlessly. And- just like that- they were grinning like fools at each other.

"You don't regret it, do you?" she asked suddenly. "Because I swear if you tell me you're sor-"

Her words were cut off by his mouth on hers again. It was a brief kiss, but fierce. He pulled back, but kept her face in his hands. "The only thing I regret, Rose, is that I didn't do that sooner."

Her eyes filled with hope. "You wanted to do that before? Since when?"

He knew this was coming and he decided he'd be honest. "In my last body I thought about you a lot, but never really thought about kissing you- at least not until the end after Margaret in Cardiff. And even then I was not sure that was what I wanted. But then I regenerated and things became much more clear. I was born for you, Rose. This body was of your creation, though I denied it for a long time. I even sound a bit like you, haven't you noticed? I think the first time I thought about kissing you was werewolves and Scotland. You landed on the grating, laughing, and I looked over at you and- Rose, you were so beautiful and so happy, I wanted to reach over and kiss you. But I chickened out and pulled you up."

Her eyes were now full of wonder. "I wouldn't have minded, Doctor. I wanted you to kiss me since after the Slitheens in number 10," she admitted. "Mum said she would have to be nice to you now since I was smitten with you. I denied it, but then you called and I realized that I was- well, a bit smitten." He smiled that smile that made her go red in the face.

He sat there, smiling at Rose like a fool- then realized she had mentioned her mum. That surprised him. In all the weeks she had been with him again, her mum, Pete and little Tony had never come up. Not since the outburst she had experienced when she first got here. He did not know whether to mention her slip or let it slide for the time being. He decided to let it go for now. He really needed to get her to the med bay and run some scans. Not knowing what was going on with her was driving him crazy. He hated not knowing.

He leaned in again and brushed his lips lightly across hers. He pulled away before it could heat up. She mumbled as his lips left hers. He smiled at her before saying, "come along, Rose. We have some tests to run. Got to figure out what's happening with that wolf in you."

She nodded, grudgingly released her hold on him, and got up. He followed, taking her hand as they walked, stealing kisses every now and then. The TARDIS had conveniently made the walk to the med bay longer which meant more kisses in the halls. When they reached the door he gave her one last tender kiss before tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "Let's see what's going on with you, Rose Tyler."

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 **YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT. PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS. AND DON'T GO THINKING THINGS ARE GOING TO BE SIMPLE FOR THEM NOW THAT THIS HAPPEND.**


	34. Chapter 36

**Hello everybody I know that was a real wait for your guys almost 2 weeks. But my amazing Beta TheBigCat has been busy. And trust me you don't want to read this with out her helpful periods and dashs and question marks.**

 **Man I am amazed with the responses I got last chapter, thank you so much Please continue to do so. I want to thank all that have read,reviewed, followed or favorited my story. I never in a million years thought I would have this many people liking something I have written. So you guys are amazing.**

 **The next 4 chapters are written just waiting on my Beta to get them back and you know I will post them when I have them. So any way on to chapter 34 We have some fluff some funnys and then some angst and then next chapter some angst and some kisses. so let me know your thoughts.**

 **Allons-y**

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She hopped up on the table, and observed as he hurried about getting what he needed- slamming drawers and cabinets as each new piece was placed on a table. When he finally seemed to have it all, he slowed to a stop and turned to face her. His hair was a mess from her hands, his lips more swollen, his shirt slightly untucked and he had never been more handsome than he was right now. Okay, scratch that- now his brainy specks had made an appearance and she had to stop herself from drooling. They may have taken that next step in whatever they were doing, but she wouldn't let him know how sexy those glasses made him. Or how they made her want to sink her teeth into his lower lip. Nope, some things you had to just keep to yourself.

She still couldn't believe that he had kissed her. She would've thought she was dreaming except that she could still taste him upon her lips. And not only had he kissed her once; he had done it multiple times and not to save her life. Her mind shifted to a couple of weeks ago, back to the almost moment in her room. When she had placed her fingers on his lips. It seemed silly now that she thought he would only kiss her to save her. He had been telling her he had wanted to kiss her. But something had held him back that day. It must have been her. She knew that if he had kissed her that morning her progress would have stopped she would have fallen into him, and never gotten any better. He must have known it as well.

Then she had kissed him anyway, later on, just to test if she could. She had been able to and it had been fantastic to know what his lips had felt like, pressed against hers. Not only that, she had been able to keep her heart out of the mix. It was a proud moment for her, and had allowed her later that night to help him with his nightmare.

She had been shocked, to say the least, of what he said he had become after abandoning her. But she did not show it- that was what he expected her to do. She was going to prove him wrong again. After all how could she run when she had just told him, no more running?

So she had teased him, and he had relaxed and they had slept together again, and then again, and each night thereafter. Honestly, she should have known it was going to lead to what had just happened. Her new new Doctor had never made a move. But this new new new Doctor most certainly had. And Rose had to deal with the fact that the man she had fallen in love with all those years ago was just as damaged and changed by their separation as she had been and the rest of the walls had fallen.

He was all Doctor, now. The man that had kissed her breathless was gone at the moment. He was looking at her like she was a new chemistry set, one that he had not quite figured out what to do with yet. He was so bemused and it was adorable. It was rare you could stump this man but somehow the wolf in her perplexed him.

He stared at Rose, unsure what to do now. She was breathtaking, just sitting there- swinging her jean-clad legs. Her hair was tangled from where his hands had gripped it. Her lips were a match to his own swollen ones. Honestly, why had he waited so long to kiss her? It was taking everything he had to concentrate on the problem at hand. Where should he start?

He picked up the needle. Blood first, and while it was scanned he could move onto other things. He saw her eye him with the needle with some trepidation. Rose Tyler had a tattoo but was afraid of a little needle? That was just a strange combination.

She hated needles with a passion. They hurt. Her tattoo had made her cry like a baby but she was determined to have it done and Mickey- bless him- had held her hand the whole time, even though she was pretty sure she had cut the circulation off at some point. She jumped, slightly, as he came closer and grimaced when she thought he was going to jab her with it. But he simply sat down next to her, before gently grabbing her arm and cleaning it with a wipe.

The needle was nowhere to be seen and she relaxed. He grinned brightly at her and tugged her closer for a tender kiss that lasted moments. When he pulled away, she looked down at her arm- it was bleeding slightly. He had distracted her with a kiss and then poked her. She had never even felt the needle in her arm. That sly fox. He leaned in and placed a kiss on her arm before covering it, with a Care Bear band-aid.

Rose gave him one of those _you must be kidding me looks._ "Care Bears, Doctor?"

He just grinned. "Oh, yes, Rose! Care Bears. I love those Bears, and they're such a friendly lot. Well… except for Grumpy Bear. But I guess there's always one in every bunch."

"Wait. What? Care bears are real? You can't be serious. Pull the other one."

He just smiled. "I should take you there, Rose. Oh, they'd love you! Tenderheart Bear would adore you, Rose Tyler."

He just kept on grinning at her astonishment, and leaned down and placed a soft kiss to her hair before bouncing off to the computer for the TARDIS to start running her blood work. He turned back around and she still sat there staring at the band-aid, mouth hung open in shock.

She had travelled with the Doctor for two years before she had been trapped in her own personal version of Hell. She had seen a lot of things. Ghosts that weren't ghosts, gas-masked zombies, cat nuns, scribble creations of a lonely child, Daleks, and a biological metacrisis. But she had never seen a Care Bear. Or any other fluffy cuddly looking alien. Then you added in the fact that she had watched that show every day as a kid-

-there was just no fucking way he was being serious. Care Bears could not be real. But then again- who knew? After all she was supposed to be trapped in a Parallel world and yet here she was. So maybe they were real. She smiled at herself this was a conversation she would have had when she first travelled with him, back when she was young and whimsical. This was a part of the old Rose she most definitely wanted to keep.

He approached her again while she was in thought. And as much as he hated to jar that slightly amused and slightly perplexed look from Rose's eyes, he knew he had too. He needed to do a quick exam. He turned her head gently from the band-aid and kissed her softly again. He had been right- he would never be able to stop doing that. And she returned the kiss like she would never be able to stop as well. He pulled back before it could deepen, smiling apologetically as he did so.

He took her temperature- slightly cooler than it should be, he noted to himself. Her blood pressure was slightly elevated. That could be from anything, but he secretly hoped it was from there many kisses. He listened to her heart. It beat rapidly, and he knew it was because of his touch. He checked her reflexes and realized that his were not the greatest when she kicked him firmly in the legs. Everything checked out fine. She was definitely not burning. He kissed her again before walking back to the computer and pulling up the blood work to look over.

He paled and shook his head- there was no way he was seeing what he was seeing. He needed to run in again. So he did the results were the same. He could vaguely hear her saying his name. The results came back again and a single tear slipped down his cheek. How was he going to break this news to Rose?

Because there on his screen, right in front of him, was her promise of forever from so long ago. Bad Wolf had really seen it all. All of Time and Space and It had led them here. Evidently when she had told him forever that day with dinosaurs flying over their heads, the TARDIS had known she meant it. The fact that Rose had held her heart made it simple for his ship to make her dream a reality. He wished he had known sooner. He would have never have left her again if he had known. But maybe that was the point, maybe all of this had to happen. Maybe it was a fixed point. He didn't know and maybe would never know. He tended to avoid fixed points- they were painful.

He sat there, trying to figure out how to tell her that she could live as long as him, maybe even longer than him. It was a curse. He wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy, let alone somebody he lov-

He made his thoughts stop. He had trouble with that word, even in his own mind. _Concentrate, Doctor_ , he told himself firmly.

Her voice broke through his musings- he could hear the tears as she said his name. "Doctor, am I-?"

Her voice broke as she sobbed. He gathered her in his arms and prepared to tell her the worst news of her life.

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 **Ok I gave enough hints shes going to be fine. But the Doctor thinks its bad news. But we all know its the best news. Now leave a review. please.**


	35. Chapter 37

**I Want to thank my beta TheBigCat she super cool and super busy. but I still Love her Here's chapter 35 I really hope you guys like it It was hell to write lol.**

 **I want to thank all that have reviewed and read and favorited and followed honesty guys I am almost at 300 reviews I never thought my one story would garnish this kind of following but I love it. As always please continue to do so. I love you all.**

 **I will post the next chapter as soon as my beta is done with it. well enough of my rambling**

 **Allons-y**

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Rose was scared. He could feel her trembling in his arms, and her muffled sobs into his shirt. He could make out words. "Am… I… dying? Doctor?" before sobs would shake against his chest again.

Oh, he had to tell her she wasn't dying, he was scaring her more by his silence. He was rubbish at this. He pulled back slightly in order to look at her, gently wiping tears as they fell from her eyes. "Rose, you aren't dying. The opposite of dying is what you are doing. Or should I say you aren't dying, at least, not right now. You'll die, of course, everything does in the end. But… at least at this moment you're not." He was rambling, but couldn't seem to stop.

That was when he felt a hand being placed over his mouth, and her words wash over him. "Doctor." Her voice was surprisingly steady for someone who had just been sobbing moments before. "I'm going to ask you some questions, and you're just going to shake your head yes or no since your words make no sense. Understand?"

He nodded.

"I'm going to move my hand now."

He nodded again. The moment her hand cleared his mouth he opened it to speak and she covered it again. "I said, no talking."

He nodded again and she slowly moved her hand away but this time he kept his gob shut. He reached for her hand and entwined their fingers, needing to touch her in some way.

"First question," Rose began. "Am I dying right at this moment?"

He shook his head in the negative direction.

"Am I going to die soon?"

Again, he shook his head.

"Okay," she said. "That's good, right?"

He nodded his head.

"So let me get this straight. I'm not dying right now, not dying soon. Then why are you acting like it's the end of the world?"

He gestured towards his mouth silently asking her if he could speak. She grinned cheekily at him. "Don't know, Doctor. I've never seen you this quiet before. I kind of like it. Oh," she added, as he shot her a murderous look. "Go on, then, talk. But don't you dare start rambling again."

He nodded his head in agreement. "That was rude, Rose Tyler, saying you like me quiet. I don't talk that much. Do I? Oh, Rose, please say I don't talk too much, you love it when I talk, right? I mean I have a billion things to tell you and not talking would be painful. "

"You're rambling again, Doctor," she reminded him. "What's going on, if I'm not dying?"

The smile that was on his face dropped. "Oh, Rose Tyler, you're going to live a very, very long time and I'm so, so, sorry." His voice was filled with emotion as he continued. "I was right. When you looked into the TARDIS, it changed you. I think the cannon activated it when you were trying to find me."

"When you say that I'm going to live a long time," Rose asked, frowning. "what do you mean?"

"Just that, Rose. You're going to live a long time, not just in human standards. You, Rose Tyler, are going to live for centuries upon centuries. You might live longer than me. You will never look any older than you do right at this moment. It's a curse, Rose, you'll have to watch everybody around you withers and dies."

She held up the hand that was not in his and covered his mouth. "So I get to stay young?"

"Yes," he whispered across her fingers.

"I get to stay with you for forever on the TARDIS?"

Again, the whispered yes came from his lips.

"And you think it's a curse?"

This time, a nod. Before he could register what was happening, she had slapped him across his cheek leaving a red hand print in her wake. "YOU IDIOT OF A TIME LORD, THAT'S NOT A BAD THING! IT'S NOT A CURSE, IT'S A GIFT." Her voice softened. "You stupid git. I promised you forever and now I can give it to you. I could never think of it as a curse. It's going to be difficult, I'm sure. As for watching everybody wither and die, Doctor- us humans have been doing that for eons. We come into the world, knowing we will die and others as well. I can handle that. Can you handle the fact that I'm not going anywhere for a long time? You can't feel guilt over this, Doctor. I looked into the TARDIS; I created Bad Wolf, I'm the one who built the cannon to find you again. I did this to myself. And I am so glad I did. I love the traveling and the adventure. Now I'll never have to stop." She grinned brightly at him. "As for you dying before me… well, you'll just have to be more careful. Can't have you regenerating at every turn, can we?"

He sat there in shock, his hand cradling his cheek. It was still stinging. How was she okay with all of this? Most people would be mad as hell if he had told them they would outlive everybody they knew. And yet here she was miffed at him because he thought it was a curse. He should have known Rose Tyler was anything but a normal human. His pink and yellow girl continued to surprise him at every turn and now she would have the opportunity to keep on doing it.

The guilt did not lessen even though she did not blame him for her predicament. Despite what she said, he knew he was to blame. If he hadn't sent her back to her mother in the first place, she would have never looked into the heart of his ship and Bad Wolf would never have existed. Of course, he would not have been here either, but that was a moot point. The fact still stood that he was the reason that she would never age. That she would never get to live life on the slow path- it was now firmly out of her grasp. There would be no white picket fence at the end of her journey. Just endless life traveling in the TARDIS and while she may want that now may want him now, it would change. She would want to leave, she would grow to resent him and see that it was a curse and not a gift as she believed.

She could see the emotions playing across his eyes. They were fleeting but she saw them none the less. Guilt was most often seen, but this time sadness flaked along with it. She had always been able to read him. Since she had returned it had become even easier. She wondered briefly if that was part of her connection to the TARDIS. She knew that despite what she had told him he was still blaming himself for this gift of a long life span. She had no idea how to convince him that it was for the best. They were at an impasse and the wrong words could throw them completely and utterly into disarray. Maybe this was one of those times that friends should just accept the fact that neither would ever agree, with the other. And life would carry on. Her very long life.

She thought carefully. She had to say something to him. She knew she couldn't change his mind on this matter- he really truly and deeply believed what had happened to her was a curse, and in reality he had every right to think that. He had lived for almost a thousand years and most of them alone. Watching people he cared for- had travelled with drift away and then die. Only for him to continue on: the last of the Time Lords in the TARDIS.

The words came to her and when she finally opened her mouth they came out slowly and carefully but with strong resolve. "Doctor, does it matter now? I mean, we can't change it. It's done. The past is the past. I'm okay with it, honestly, I am. I would not want to change this even if you could. I know that you aren't ok with this and you probably never will be; but what's the point of you brooding over it? It'll just put a wedge in our relationship, and I don't want that- I quite like how things are going between us."

She fell silent, waiting for his response. How he reacted to her thoughts was going to set the tone not just for the coming days or weeks but for the rest of their lives. And she was so scared he was going to do what he did best. What he had always done when it came to them. She was terrified that he was going to run. And honestly, she didn't know if she had the strength of mind to follow him because once this man's mind was made up there was no changing it.

He released her hand and stood. He wanted to bolt right out of those medbay doors, and take them someplace fantastic. He wanted to run until he could not breathe or think. Do what he had always done when his emotions ran to high. But one look at Rose and he knew he could not do that anymore, at least, not when it came to her. She had been broken when she was brought back to him. If he ran now all the work she had done would turn to dust. He had promised no more running. At least not emotionally. And she was right there was nothing he could change this was not going to go away. She was okay with it. He just had to find a way to deal with his guilt, it was just one more thing to be added to the pile on his heart concerning one Ms. Rose Tyler. And he could not lie to himself. As guilty as he was feeling a part of him was rejoicing that they had forever together- it was more than he could have ever hoped for, more than he could have ever dreamed for. His other self had truly given him a gift and he was not going to waste it.

He smiled at her. "As usual, Rose Tyler, you are absolutely correct. There's nothing we can do. But I am never going to stop feeling guilty. Just think you should know that. But I like how things are going as well. And I don't want to screw it up again, not this time."

He reached over and pulled her gently towards him, before leaning down and capturing her lips with his own, feeling her hands go to his hair. He ran his tongue over her lips asking for permission which she gladly gave as her tongue met his. It was slow as they each savoured the others taste. When they did pull back he rested his forehead against hers. "Did I mention I really like how this new part's coming along?"

She grinned that special grin of hers. "Oh, I don't know, Doctor. I think we may need more practice just to make sure it's coming along right."

"Do you think Rose?"

She didn't reply, just leaned forwards and captured his lips again.

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 **Now hit the button leave a review,hit the button and leave a review I was trying to make it a song but I failed but review me anyway.**


	36. Chapter 38

**Ok guys you know I am going to Thank My amazing wonderful Beta TheBigCat. I don't know where she finds the time I don't but shes great.**

 **I want to thank all for my reviews, you guys truly make me happy like walking on sunshine happy. Thanks to all who have followed and favorited my story. you guys are great.**

 **Warning chapter ahead has some fluff, You get some this chapter and next chapter then we are back with another memory. And then you get some adventure. and then some more serious things again. but I figured we can always use some fluff. please leave a review.**

 **Allons-y**

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Rose hummed happily as she skipped to her room. Things were coming along nicely with her Doctor. A dozen or so kisses in a span of a few hours made her very happy. Learning she could give him forever made her thrilled. She knew he was still having trouble accepting it but had agreed there was nothing they could do about it.

And he had not run. Once again, he had surprised her. He kept doing that, and she was loving it. The walls around her heart were gone. She had been right; all it had taken was a kiss and they had melted into putty. She was astonishingly okay with it. She had known that the old him still held her heart, but she was now falling in love with this new man that he had become. He had changed drastically over the years she had been in the other world. They had been hard for him just as they had been hard on her. They both had not dealt with their sudden separation well or the separation he had forced between them. But they were healing together and she knew that given time they would both get better. They were truly better with each other than apart.

As she entered her room to change for the night she could not help but wonder if he would come tonight to sleep with her. Now that things had changed, it would not be two friends offering comfort to each other, it would be something new. And while that was exciting, it was also scary. It was like inviting your boyfriend to sleep over for the first time. Not that he was her boyfriend- she cringed as the word entered her mind. That felt wrong, calling the Doctor her boyfriend. He was too old to be a boyfriend.

What were they? A couple? Mates? friends with kissing privileges? None of them sounded right in her head. What was he to her? Better yet, why was she trying to define it? Couldn't she just be happy without putting a label on whatever they were?

 _No!_ came to her mind- she had to have something to call him. She wanted the world to know he was her...

…he was her…

The word just would not come. But she wanted the world to know he was hers.

That was, if some French bimbo happened about; she could stake her claim before the tart could try anything. She knew being jealous was petty and a part of her old self she should really let go but she just couldn't help it. She wanted to scream it to the universes- her Doctor and no one else's.

She finished getting ready for bed and lay down, thanking the TARDIS as she dimmed the lights- still wondering if her Doctor was going to make an appearance and still trying to put a name to what they were. But nothing was coming. She was so deep in her musings that she never even heard the door open and close as he entered the room. She did not come out of her thoughts until she felt the bed dip from a sudden weight and found herself pulled tight into his arms it was right where she belonged.

The Doctor had opened the door quietly, not wanting to wake Rose if she was already asleep. He had retired to his room to ready himself for bed, wondering if it would be appropriate for them to still sleep together now that things had progressed. Not that he minded the progression- as matter of fact, he quite liked it. The kissing thing was really rather enjoyable. He could get quite used to it. He warred with himself for about an hour, pacing up and down his bedroom, before he ran his hands through his hair and gave in. He crept down the hallway, making his way to her room. He almost expected his ship to give him a scolding but none came. He knew it was silly to think the TARDIS would scold him after all they had been doing this for weeks now. And his ship obviously had not had a problem those times. He felt her laughing at him, and glared at the ceiling. "Cheeky woman," he said out loud and she hummed back at him with no small amount of amusement.

He kept walking, reasoning with himself. They had been sleeping together for weeks and he had managed to keep his lips to himself so no harm from continuing their arrangement. They both found comfort in it. As he closed the door behind him he could make her out in the dim light. She was worried about something- her thumb was in her mouth and she was chewing it. Trying to figure out a question that only she knew.

He could sense her apprehension from where he stood. He wondered if he could get her to tell him what was bothering her- maybe he could help. He made his way to the bed and settled in next to her pulling her tight against him.

"Penny for them," he whispered. She giggled as she relaxed against him.

"Not worth a penny," she muttered.

"You're right," he admitted. "Your thoughts are worth way more than a penny- your thoughts are priceless. Care to share them anyway?"

She turned towards him and repositioned herself so that her head fell between his hearts, letting the thumping soothe her. Maybe she should just ask him- the answer was not coming to her. Maybe he had a word for what they were? Or maybe the question would be to domestic and he would flee.

But he had surprised her tonight- maybe he would stay. Only one way to know. She cleared her throat. "Doctor… you know earlier when you kissed me- of course you remember, you've done it a lot and they were nice and all and, well… well…well…"

She couldn't seem to get the sentence she wanted to ask out.

"Never mind, it's not important," she muttered.

"Rose, it is important," he said earnestly. "Anything you have to say to me is important. What _about_ those amazing kisses from earlier."

She felt herself heating up and knew a blush was currently covering her cheeks. She sighed and buried her face in his chest. "It's nothing, Doctor."

She felt him shift his arms, and his hands now rested on her head drawing her out of his shirt. He gently took her face in his hand and caressed her cheeks with his fingertips. "Rose," he said softly. "Just tell me. I want to know. What are you thinking about?" He could feel the heat on her face. "No need to be embarrassed, Rose." He felt the sigh escape her and then deep breath that followed. Then a string of words flew out.

"WhatareweDoctor?"

He knew it was a question, but that was about it. "Okay, Rose, I have great hearing, but you need to make that sentence a bit slower."

He felt her exhale again and then she spoke more slowly but a good deal softer than before. "What are we, Doctor? Do we have a name? Are we just friends that kiss, or more? Are you my boyfriend now or what?"

He felt her cringe and the title boyfriend at the same time he shivered that was definitely something he was not. _Boyfriend-boyfriend-boyfriend-_ he ran it around his mind a few times and then tried it out loud. "Boyfriend… definitely not that, don't like how that rolls off the tongue." He grinned at her before it fell from his face- she was not smiling back

"Oh, okay," she said softly.

 _Well, crap._ He had already screwed this up- better fix it quick."No, no, Rose, it's just that word I don't particularly like. We are most definitely _MORE._ " He made sure to emphasize the word. " _MORE_ than friends who kiss. You are my Rose and I'm your Doctor." She grinned brightly at him. "Yup, I think that sums us up nicely," he concluded. "If that's okay with you, of course. Don't want to just assume anything- you know what they say about people who assume, Rose Ty-"

He felt her hands against his mouth again for what felt like the hundredth time today.

"Doctor, you going to let me answer before you continue to ramble." he nodded and she continued "I think that sums us up perfectly as well. You're my Doctor, and I'm yours. For now, that's all I need." She leaned up and moved her hand, replacing it with her lips as she tenderly kissed him, before settling back against his chest and saying good night.

She snuggled in tight against her Doctor's chest. Hers- _hers- hers_. She had been thrilled when he had voiced that statement. Turns out he was a bit possessive as well, because he had said she was his. Than he had gotten all worried about her reaction to his words and started to ramble again. They were very much back to their old rhythm. Him rambling about something and her having to find a way to quiet him. Maybe she would try her lips next time instead of her hand. It had made him stop once. And it was fun for her as well.

She giggled silently in her head. Honestly, she had no idea how she was expected to sleep tonight. She was still much to giddy from his kisses and all that had taken place that day. And now he was _hers_. She snuggled in more tightly to his chest. She was still a bit afraid that this wonderful day was a dream and that she would wake up and nothing would have changed. But she knew in her heart this was all very real. She felt one of his hands trace circles on her back and the other come up to brush her hair softly. And before she knew it she had drifted off to sleep.

He sat there, staring at her as she lay sleeping his arms, running his hands slowly up and down her back. Things had not gone according to plan today at all. But he was still very happy with this curve ball. Rose belonged to him now. He was still working on that heart of hers.

He knew sleep would be hard to come by- he was still wound up. There was a million and one things that needed to be taken care of on the TARDIS but he could not relinquish his hold on his pink and yellow girl. Could not _imagine_ letting his Rose go tonight. The night that everything changed. He somehow found himself relaxing her being in his arms- did it every time. And he felt himself drifting off to sleep. His last thoughts before the world darkened was that she was his and the words he longed to here were in his grasp once again- but this time, there would be no running.

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	37. Chapter 39

**Hello everybody sorry about the wait. TheBigCat is super busy with school at the moment I hope to have her back as soon as her School life calms down. But its much more important then a story. I Thank her for she had done, She was the first person to review and made my story better. However with her being so busy at the moment I have enlisted a New Beta to Help me out.**

 **some of you will recognize the name** **batistaangel15 you may have read her stories. we have become friends through are work and she is helping me out. So give a warm welcome to her. And I want to thank her as well she has done some great work on this chapter.**

 **To all that have reviewed and favorited and followed thank you so much please keep doing so. without further ado I give you chapter 37**

 **Allons-y**

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Rose awoke slowly the next morning with her head between his hearts, just like every morning for the last couple of weeks. She expected him to jump up and hurry out just like he had done all the other times since their new sleeping arrangements had begun. She raised her head to move it to her own pillow when she was caught by his hands and a gentle kiss placed upon her lips. Her eyes closed shut. She must still be dreaming, she thought. He never kissed her when they woke up. Then she felt another kiss pressed against her lips and her eyes opened.

The Doctor had felt her stirring against his chest. This was the morning that he could do what he had wanted to do from the moment that she had been given back to him. This was the morning that he could kiss Rose Tyler as soon as she awoke, when her eyes were still glazed with sleep and her hair was a mess. This was the first morning of the rest of their lives. He felt the shift of her breathing and knew he had a few moments.

It would take a couple of minutes before the day before came into focus for her. Her and her sleep. She would sleep for so many hours that by the time she would wake up she'd have no idea what day it was or even the time. He never understood why humans wasted so much time sleeping but he admitted it had its benefits. Having the sight of Rose Tyler sleeping in his arms was always one to warm his hearts. He felt her raise her head to shift it to her spot on her pillow so he could hop up like he would do every morning.

This was it—what he had waited _lifetimes_ for.

He gently raised a hand to rest on the side of her head. Her eyes were opened but she appeared to still be in a daze. He knew just how to fully wake her up. He leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her lips but when he pulled back a fraction he noticed her eyes shutting tight. He kissed her again and this time they blinked opened. Oh, his Rose. His sweet, stubborn, pink and yellow girl. She thought she was dreaming, he could see it in her eyes.

"You're awake, Rose," he murmured softly against her lips. "And this is very real."

It took a moment to see her eyes light up before he roughly took her lips again, coaxing her mouth to open for him and deepen the kiss. He was desperate for her taste again. It was like he had been in the desert and was parched, and her lips offered the first drink of water he had for days. He drew back reluctantly to allow her to take a breath before diving back in for another drink. The next time he drew back he found that they had turned themselves and he was hovering half on top of her with her hand buried in his hair, scratching lightly against his scalp. She was very much awake now. He noticed her face was slightly flushed and her lips very plump and tempting—oh, so tempting.

She tried to urge him down to meet her lips again but he somehow fought the pull of temptation. This had already gone further than he had planned, further than she was ready for. He could not allow them to lose themselves in each other yet. There was still work to be done, healing to complete before they could take this next step. He allowed her to pull him down for another gentle kiss and pulled away before it could become deeper. He rolled over and drew her into his arms against his chest.

"Good morning, Rose." The smile that graced his face was also in his voice.

"Good morning, Doctor," she replied with the same tone.

"I like this new way we are waking up, Rose Tyler," he said tenderly. "How about you?"

He heard a hum of contentment as she snuggled more deeply into his embrace, a small sigh escaping her lips. It had him smiling like a loon.

They lay there in silence for a few moments before she tentatively asked him, "Doctor, is this real or am I in a really vivid dream?"

He could not help but chuckle and nuzzle her hair gently with his face. "Oh, Rose, this is _very_ very real and, before you ask, last night was very real as well."

She sighed again before he felt her shift in his arms, turning to face him. "But you're not running so it has to be a dream," she said softly. "You told me I was your Rose and you were my Doctor."

He inwardly sighed. His poor Rose. She must have dreamt this so many times for her to think the reality was a farce. He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek and giving her another brief tender kiss.

"You _are_ my Rose. You've always _been_ my Rose, and _will_ always be my Rose. Why would I run? This is what I have wanted for a long time, even if I was too daft to realize it at first. I told you no more running, at least not from our emotions."

She gazed up at him and a small smile bloomed across her lips, growing larger by the second. "You're my Doctor," she told him.

He felt a matching grin spread on his face. "Yup," he said, popping the 'p' with a bit more force than necessary. "And as much as I would love to lay around in bed with you all day, Rose Tyler, we have other things that need to be done, other memories to watch. Let's go find more of the old Rose. I think she's coming back a bit at a time."

She whined but the smile never faltered. "But I don't want to get up, I'm comfy and warm."

A _nd finally in your arms where I belong_ , she finished in her head. She did not dare to say it out loud. She was afraid she would sound too needy. Instead she snuggled closer to him to prove her point. She raised her head slightly to meet his gaze and leaned closer with a soft whisper.

"I would much rather continue to wake up this way." She kissed him lightly and moved to the sides of his mouth, continuing to speak as she did so. "We were—" She kissed the left corner of his mouth, then his right, "—doing good a moment ago."

She finished by planting a passionate kiss to his lips, her tongue gently gliding over his lips begging him to open for her. He could not resist as their tongues met again that morning. His hands found themselves sneaking under her jammies to feel the soft skin of her back and sides, causing her to moan in response. Reluctantly it yanked him from their kiss as if water had been poured over his head.

He removed his hands out from under her top and gently pushed her away from his mouth but she was having none of it. Her lips trailed across his face, peppering kisses as she made her way down his neck and nibbled lightly, eliciting a moan from him. He bit back on one himself. He attempted to ease her back again but found his will lacking the longer she nibbled, the harder it was becoming to remember the reasons why this had to stop. He managed to wiggle out of her grasp and leap off the bed, making her fall face first where he had just been.

Rose dug her face out from the blanket she had found herself suddenly buried in when he had moved. She looked up to find her dazed Doctor staring at her from across the room. His eyes were so dark and fueled with passion—a passion she had ignited. She happily acknowledged it but it did not explain why he had put a stop to it. In her opinion they had waited long enough. She started to move off the bed in order to continue where she had left of. She very much wanted him to make that sound again but he held up one hand to stop her, the other she noticed with more than a little dismay wrapped around her doorknob. He was going to run after all. The smile dropped from her face and she fell back onto the bed with a small huff.

Should have known—the Doctor lies. _Of course_ he's going to run. Too much between last night and this morning. However she heard his voice still by the door, this time gruff and still fueled with desire.

"I am _not_ running, Rose," he told her. "But we can't take this further than what it is right now. If I stayed with you on that bed, if you come any closer, my good intentions were going to go out the provable window. You still need to heal the rest of the way because when we do this, Rose Tyler, when this happens, you are going to be mine in every way. And it will be perfect."

Rose gave him a slight nod, her voice failing her once again.

He smiled reassuringly in return before turning and leaving the room, calling over his shoulder. "You know where I will be Rose when you are ready. Please be ready soon. The faster this continues the faster the other stuff can happen."

Rose sat there for a few minutes after he left. He very much wanted her, all of her, and he had plans from the sounds of it. She had worried that maybe she had moved too fast for him, taken the control from his hands, but now she knew that had only ceased their activities because he knew just as she did that once they did this and they would do this. That she would stop getting better and all progress would crash. That most certainly would not do. He wanted the old Rose back and so did she. Well, at least parts of her.

She wondered what her mum would say if she could see how well she was doing now that she had the Doctor taking care of her. She wondered if her mum even cared that she was gone. She felt the tears start to well up in her eyes before sliding down her face. She missed her mother and Pete and Tony, but she was so happy to have her Doctor back. It was all so confusing when she was trapped in hell. All she wanted was him and now that she was where she wanted to be she longed to see and talk to her mum. Why could life never be simple for her?

She wondered something for the first time since she had come back. What did her parents think happened to her? Did they think she was dead? That she had run away? She would never know. She had never wanted her mother to go through that again, not after the twelve month jump. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed a bit harder. She had to let this go. She would never have answers and she could not dwell on this. It would only hurt her Doctor and things were going so great right now.

She went into the bathroom and ran a quick shower. He would see no evidence of her tears. He would think he was the cause of them and she would not have him feeling guilty. Not because of this. She pushed the thoughts of her family to the deepest corners of her mind and heart and readied herself for a day of memories. She had a feeling Sarah Jane was fixing to make another appearance in her life.

She debated on wearing the jacket before she wrapped it over her shoulders forcibly. She was definitely going to need it today. This had not been easy to live the first time, and watching it was going to drag up some memories and thoughts that she had long since suppressed.

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	38. Chapter 40

**I want to Thank My Beta** **batistaangel15. Honestly guys shes on a role already edited 3 chapters for me. go check out her stories if you have to time shes a great writer.**

 **Thanks to all that have read and reviewed the story and followed and favorited I love you all**

 **We have another memory here its a fan favorite. and a bit of adventure to follow this chapter. hear comes chapter 38**

 **Allons-y**

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The Doctor had left Rose in her bedroom to ready herself for the day. Waking up the way they had was definitely better than anything he had ever imagined, and they had almost gotten carried away. If he did not leave so soon they would have. If she had kissed him with so much passion again, had moved off of the bed and made her way over to him, then things would have ended _very_ differently.

Rose may think that they were ready for that next step but they were not. Not yet. Her walls had just come down and she had only seen a glimpse of what he had become since he had left her. He would not let them take what they were recently doing any further, not until they were both a hundred percent sure of it. Until she knew exactly who he was and how she had truly gotten here, until all the lies came to light, until Rose was Rose again and forgave him and trusted him. Until all of those things came about it could go no further so soon, but he had no plans to stop what they had started last night.

He just hoped that the moment when everything came out in the open she would still want to finish what they started and that she would say those words again, moreover he could show her what she meant to him, what she always meant to him, and what she would always mean to him. Not only were these lingering inside of him, there were also things he did not wish to look back on. He knew that the memories he would show her in the next couple of days were going to be hard on her emotionally—Sarah Jane, Reinette, and the first time in Pete's World.

These were things he wished he could skip over without sparing another glance at but he knew he could not. He did not want to relive what happened in the aftermath of these events but he could not turn away from them. In order for her to get better and back to her old self she had to address how these adventures had affected her. Whether she knew it or not these were the adventures that had begun to teach her how to bury her emotions and not speak of them. He knew what that was like, he had years of experience in that field.

Rose had become distant after each one of them, isolating herself in her room for hours and then acting as if nothing had happened when she would come out. Himself, he had chosen to ignore them and act the same way as her—pretending that they never happened. He was good for doing that a lot over the years and these were on a whole other level than other incidents in the past. Mainly for one specific reason being that he was scared—scared of the possibility that it would ruin what he and Rose had since she started travelling with him, scared that she would leave him.

So he would run. Just run onto the next adventure while ignoring the fact that she was hurt and needed to talk. He had been so thick. That was him, Mister Thick Thickity thick-thick-face. But not this time. No, this time he would _not_ run. He would do what he should have done years ago and talk to her about them and explain his own feelings on the subject. And maybe then they would both feel better and he would become a little less thick.

"Who's thick?"

His musings were disrupted when he heard Rose's voice from across the room. He turned around to face her, noting how her hand was rested on over her mouth.

"Nobody, Rose," he replied as casual as only he could. "I was just talking to myself. You know me, always need to talk. Sometimes I need a good sparring partner and who better than myself? Best conversationalist I know."

She was laughing softly behind her hand, speaking in between the giggling fit. "You know, Doctor, there's an old earth saying about talking to oneself." He raised an eyebrow. "'As long as you don't answer back, you're not crazy'."

The Doctor let out a chuckle as he felt a smile stretching across his face. "Who said anything about me not being a _bit_ crazy, Rose Tyler? After all, I'm a mad man with a box."

They were both laughing at the end of his statement and she had somehow made it across the room before they found themselves falling on the loveseat. He pulled her into his lap and hugged her fiercely even as the laughter continued. She had not laughed this long or hard since she had been given back to him and he could not help but have his smile spread even more.

His old Rose was truly coming back. He sincerely hoped that what they were about to watch was not going to take that away.

A moment later the laughter died down when he felt Rose's gaze peering onto his own, the atmosphere in the room shifting to that of anticipation. He could see in her eyes that she knew what was coming. She was trying to convey that she was ready for it. His own eyes reflected back the emotions displayed in hers. She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips before pulling away to settle in next to him.

"Doctor, we're going to watch the school memory now, yeah?" she asked.

He nodded slowly. "You want to add anything before we start?"

She shook her head violently. "No desire to add my _dinner lady_ moments, no ta."

The Doctor's grin was teasing. "Oh, but Rose, you looked so great in that outfit, ladle and all. And the hat—ohhh, I _really_ liked that hat." She swatted his arm and he whined, feigning pain. "Rose Tyler, that hurt."

She grinned cheekily before reaching over to place a kiss to the spot where she whacked him. "All better now?" she asked, looking up at him.

She noted how his eyes had darkened a little and she felt her body ripple with pleasure. An innocent kiss had done that to him. Talk about sensitive. She could not help herself as she leaned forward to capture his lips with her own. It seemed like a better idea than watching a memory at the moment. She sucked his lower lip in her mouth and felt him shudder before he was kissing her back with equal passion.

Oh, yeah. Snogging the Doctor on the loveseat in the media room was everything she had always imagined it would be and much better than reliving a memory of a past adventure.

They finally had to pull apart when air was necessary. He was leaning forward to claim her mouth again but he caught himself and forced himself to stop. Rassilon, she was going to be the death of him.

Memory, he thought to himself. _Must show her the memory._ _Must not kiss her again until it's over. Must resist the temptation of those lips…those glorious, pink swollen lips._

He was brought back when he felt her hands urging him forward. He settled her next to him and dropped a kiss to her hair as she shifted to her favorite position nestled into his side.

Then the memory started. It opened with him in the staff room seeing Sarah Jane Smith as she entered. He felt Rose tense up. He knew this was going to be hard on her so he started to gently run his hands through her hair, calming her down. She slowly began to relax from his ministrations but he could still see and feel the tension in her shoulders. Her gaze, however, was firmly fixed on the screen in front of her.

Rose was immersed in the events playing out on the screen. She could see the Doctor's happiness and shock of seeing Sarah Jane again followed by the slight disappointment in his eyes when she did not recognize him. But the pride was also there when he figured out she was investigating.

 _—Good for you, Sarah Jane Smith._

The memory faded and was followed by Rose and Mickey entering the school with the Doctor that night. She had looked so confident and so ready for this adventure. She could not pinpoint when she had changed from a scared teenager to this person. It must have been so gradual that she had never noticed. Had she known she loved him even then—no, she had not been ready to admit such a thing at that point. At the time she had thought they were more than just mates and she had a crush, but it did not go beyond that. At least she did not _think_ it had not right at that moment.

She watched as they each split up and went their separate ways through the school. Then they watched as a very startled Sarah Jane had backed out of the room that held the TARDIS. She watched the exchange carefully, staring at the Doctor on the screen. His face held as much pain as Sarah Jane's. Oh, if she had only known that _then_. Maybe she would not have been so rude and jealous towards the woman. She had been like her once, pining after a man who would never want her. Only he _did_. He had just ran back then, from it all. This new man had not done that yet.

She heard Mickey's scream and saw them turn and run towards it. She could see the smile in her Doctor's eyes and almost hear his thoughts, just like old times. They made it to the hall and she watched her younger self turn green from jealousy.

 _—You can tell you're getting older, your assistants are getting younger._

 _—I'm not his assistant._

 _—No? Get you tiger._

The memory showed them meeting up with Mickey and now she knew that the Doctor had used his banter with Mickey as a distraction. Granted, it was a poor one. Her and Sarah Jane had started bickering at each other again quickly.

 _—Hello, can we focus? Does anyone notice anything strange about this? Rats in school?_

 _—Well, obviously they use them in biology lessons. They dissect them. Or maybe you haven't reached that bit yet. How old are you?_

Oh, she remembered this clearly. Almost as if it happened yesterday, she didn't need the memory. She had been pissed off and felt herself getting a little mad just watching it again. Sarah Jane had been doing everything she could do to get the Doctor to pay attention to her and Rose was doing the same. One upping the other, both intent on hurting the each other's feelings. Her reply showed how irritated she was.

 _—Excuse me, no one dissects rats in school anymore. They haven't done that for years. Where are you from, the dark ages?_

The Doctor had tried to defuse the tension between them once again and failed. She knew this next part she had done just out of spite.

 _—I don't mean to be rude or anything, but who exactly are you?_

 _—Sarah Jane Smith. I used to travel with the Doctor._

 _— Oh. Well, he's never mentioned ya._

Rose felt herself cringe slightly at the hurt look on Sarah Jane's face. She had not noticed it the first time since she was too busy being a bitch, and he had given her ample opportunity to be the better woman. She had not taken it.

 _—Oh, I must've done. Sarah Jane. Mention her all the time._

 _—Hold on. Sorry. Never._

 _—What, not even once? He didn't mention me even once?_

Sarah Jane had looked angry enough at not only her but the Doctor. She was seriously surprised she had not gotten a slap for the way she acted. Then she heard something she had never heard before said by Mickey to the Doctor.

 _—Ho, ho, mate. The missus and the ex. Welcome to every man's worst nightmare._

The Doctor did not deny it. So was she his missus even back then? Or, better question, _had_ he and Sarah Jane _ever_ _been_ together?

The memory jumped to outside the diner. This was the conversation they had both been dreading but now it would be impossible not to address. The Doctor felt Rose slightly pull away from his grasp but he tugged her back against him. She may not have realized it but she was preparing her body to run from this. Even though she wanted to heal it was hard to face up to these difficult memories. He felt his own legs itching with his own needs to run but forced them back. He needed to heal just as much as her, if not more.

 _—How many of us have there been travelling with you?_

 _—Does it matter?_

 _—Yeah, it does, if I'm just the latest in a long line._

 _—As opposed to what?_

 _—I thought you and me were. I obviously got it wrong. I've been to the year five billion, right, but this? Now this is really seeing the future. You just leave us behind. Is that what you're going to do to me?_

 _—No. Not to you._

 _—But Sarah Jane? You were that close to her once, and now you never even mention her. Why not?_

 _—I don't age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone who you…_

 _—What, Doctor?_

 _—You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lords._

He felt her legs curl up under her as she let out a small sob. He gathered her against his chest as the rest of the memory played out behind them. Decisions that he had to make again, the difficult ones. Sarah Jane and Rose had helped him make the right one and now he would never lose Rose again. He drew back as her crying eased up and placed a tender kiss to her forehead.

But right as he opened his mouth in order to talk about what they had just watched the media room's lights flashed mauve. They pulled apart and looked around in shock. Things had been so quiet lately as if the TARDIS was to keep hem away from outside things until they could heal.

He looked at Rose and saw her grinning brightly. He matched it. "You ready to run Rose Tyler?" he asked.

Her smile grew impossibly wider. "Yup," she replied, popping the 'p' a bit.

He grabbed her hand and they raced down the halls to the console room. They slowly stepped out of the doors and observed their surroundings. The TARDIS had landed on a shed, smashing it to bits but it appeared to be fine. The house in front of them looked a little old and they saw a little redheaded girl staring at them, looking about nine or ten.

The Doctor and Rose exchanged a confused look before saying in unison, "What?"

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	39. Chapter 41

**Thanks to my really cool Beta** **batistaangel15 she makes it better. make sure you check out her stories they are real great.**

 **Ok guys I know I said I would post early after 10 reviews, however I just did not feel right posting this chapter Friday are yesterday. The** **terroristic attacks in France were first in my mind. I know I have readers from that area and it just did not seem right. so I am sorry for anybody that was awaiting this chapter but I had to do what I though was best. To any of my readers that are from France that have family and friends in France my Heart is with you along with my thoughts. We in America stand with you just as you stood with us after 9/11.**

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 **Allons-y chapter 39**

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The redheaded girl stood there in her pajamas staring at them then the TARDIS. The fact that a blue police box had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and smashed the shed to bits did not seem to phase her in the least. Her eyes were wide with wonder and her mouth was slightly opened in awe.

"Are you police officers?" she asked.

The Doctor and Rose exchanged a look before she knelt to the ground, making herself eye level with the child. "Why?" she asked in a soft voice. "Do you need a police officer?"

The little girl held Rose's look. "Did you come to fix the crack in my wall?" she asked.

"That depends," the Doctor said. "Does it scare you?" The ginger girl looked confused by his question so he clarified, "The crack, I mean. Does the crack scare you?"

She nodded. "Very much." She stared into his eyes, seeing the palpable kindness that just screamed trust. And that's what she wanted to do: to trust him. Both of them. Following her intuition she asked him, "Can you make it go away?"

"Of course he can," the blonde told her. "He's the Doctor and I'm Rose. What's your name?"

"Amelia Pond," the girl answered. "If he's a doctor why does his box say 'police'?"

"Well, Amelia Pond—that's a nice name, by the way, kinda sounds like one you would find in a fairytale—the thing is his box says 'police' because he's both a Doctor and the police. He helps people _and_ gets the bad guys too."

Amelia seemed to think for a second before she accepted Rose's words as the truth. After all she was still young enough to believe in the whismy of the world, and a blue box that had just fallen out of the sky and landed in her garden counted as such. _Santa was going to get a very big cookie_ , she decided. She reached over and grabbed one of her hands.

Rose stood up to her full height as Amelia tugged her towards the open doorway. The child had obviously decided to trust them enough to solve her problem. She barely had time to grab the Doctor by his sleeve and drag him along with them but he was close behind. As the ginger girl rushed them upstairs it was only when she reached a door at the end of the hall that she seemed to hesitate slightly before opening it, prompting them to enter the room with her.

Rose felt Amelia begin to tremble a little and gently squeezed her hand. It was almost like she was comforting Tony before she had pushed him away. It filled her with regret as she tried to comfort the child beside her now. Why did she push away her brother and her mother? They would never know how much she did care about them before she left, how much she loved them. Yes, she could admit it to herself now how much she missed them. She would never see Tony grow up and everything he would become one day.

The Doctor was watching Rose closely from the side. Her eyes laid out every emotion clearly as they flickered one by one—regret, sadness, and guilt. They lingered even as she offered comfort to the young girl despite herself. He suddenly realized why she was radiating those feelings. Her little brother and this girl were close to the same age. She was thinking about Tony and, most likely, her mother.

They really needed to talk about them but now was not the place nor the time. Despite that he wanted to offer her what comfort he could so he placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. He felt her jerk away slightly in response but it did not phase him. He had expected it since her emotions were running on high right now, between the memories from earlier and her memories now. It was a lot for one day. He rubbed her shoulder one more time before moving to the crack behind the desk for better examination.

Meanwhile Rose was trying to push her emotions behind a wall again. She knew he would get them out of her sooner or later—much later. At least she _thought_. She knew they would come out sooner, she could not stop them. She hoped that she and the Doctor would be able to talk about them but as for right now they would only be distracted from the problem at hand. This little girl kept her hand in hers and steadied herself. She was brave and fearless, Rose could tell.

So whatever that crack in the wall was must be very frightening for a child to invite two complete strangers into her home and bedroom with the hope that they could fix it.

The Doctor was close to the wall and gently ran his fingers across the zigzag pattern a couple of times. "This wall is solid and the crack doesn't go all the way through it," he mumbled to himself. "So here's a thing…" He whirled around to face them. "Where's the draft coming from?"

Rose and Amelia just stared at him oddly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the sonic, running it over the length of the crack.

"Oh, this is very wibbly-wobbly," he remarked. "You know what this crack is? It's a crack."

Rose did not stop her eyes from rolling at him. _And the rambling begins, she thought._

"But I'll tell you something funny," he continued, patting the wall as he did so. "If you were to knock this wall down, the crack would stay put 'cause the crack isn't in the wall—it's everywhere. In everything. It's a split in the skin of the world. Two parts of space and time that should never have touched, pressed together right here in the wall of your bedroom."

He looked around the room and grabbed the glass of water that had been sitting on the table. He tossed the water out over his shoulder, unaware that he had hit Rose square in the face with it. He held the rim of glass against the wall then pressed his ear to the bottom, listening intently.

"Amelia, do you hear a voice sometimes?" he asked.

He turned around to face the little girl but the first thing he noticed was the glare Rose was giving him as her face was soaking wet with water, dripping to the floor. He blinked and dropped his eyes towards the small puddle that formed at her feet then back up at her. He offered her a sheepish smile but it did not help him much. He cleared his throat.

"Sorry," he muttered.

Rose raised a hand up and wiped away the water trickling down her face before flicking her fingers at him, spritzing him with a few drops. She offered a teasing grin at him before turning to the little girl.

"Amelia, what does the voice say when you hear it?" she asked.

"Prisoner Zero has escaped," the girl said. "What does it mean?"

"It means that, on the other side of this wall, there's a prison," the Doctor said after he dried his face with the back of his sleeve. "And they've lost a prisoner. You know what that means?"

The little girl gave him such an expression that he could see Donna's own face in his mind. "That you're a right nutter," she said with sass. Pretty sarcastic for a child so young, he thought. "There's nothing on the other side of that wall but the tree outside."

Rose bit back on a laugh as the corners of her lips twitched upward. She raised her brows at him, daring him to snark back at the child. Instead, to Rose's amusement and great surprise, he let out a chuckle.

"Right you are, Amelia Pond," he replied. "I'm a nutter. Just as mad man with a box." He threw a quick wink to Rose. "But I told you that I would fix your wall, and I will. But in order to do so I need to close the breach, which means I need to open it all the way. The forces will invert and it'll snap itself shut. Or…"

"What?" the two girls asked together.

He glanced at Rose, noting how bright her eyes were. Mystery and adventure. But the little one next to her looked apprehensive. He knelt down until he was eye level with the girl.

"Do you know when grown-ups tell you everything's going to be fine and you think they're probably lying just to make you feel better?" he asked.

Amelia rolled her eyes and nodded. He straightened back up and grabbed each of their hands, turning them around with their backs facing the wall. He squeezed Rose's then released it, taking out the sonic again.

"Amelia, everything is going to be fine," he said to the girl before pointing the sonic to the crack.

The crack widened, flooding the bedroom with bright white light. A large blue eye appeared and stared at him through the opening. A bolt of energy flooded from the hole and struck him once. It was painful enough to drop him to the floor. Rose was by his side in an instant just as the light faded and the opening sealed itself shut, the crack now gone. She placed her hands on his chest over his hearts before sliding them up to cup his face. He turned his head and kissed her fingers, letting her know he was okay.

"I'm fine, Rose," he assured as he removed her hands and stood to his feet with a cheeky grin. "Told you I could fix it, didn't I? Easy as—"

He cut himself off when he felt a faint tingle in his pocket. He frowned for a moment before pulling out the psychic paper, opening it to read the message scribbled inside of it out loud.

"'Prisoner Zero has escaped," he read. "But why tell us? Unless…oh, this is not good." He tugged on his earlobe. "Not good at all."

"What's not good, Doctor?" Rose asked.

"Well, I think he's trying to tell us that the prisoner in question escaped through the crack and came over here on this side."

Rose's eyes were still twinkling with excitement at being involved in yet another classic adventure with Shiver and Shake. "Does that mean we're bounty hunters now?" she joked.

The Doctor grinned. Having an adventure must be helping her just as much as the memories did. He glanced over at the little girl who was almost forgotten as she remained quiet the whole time. She stood with her mouth hung open in shock, not that he could blame her. A child's imagination could only dream up so much. He reached down and placed a finger under her chin, gently closing her mouth. She stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Can-can I be a bounty hunter too?" she tentatively asked.

He and Rose exchanged a glance, the latter giving a small nod in encouragement. He did the same as he took the little girl's hand in his.

"Oh yes!" he exclaimed. "You, me and Dame Rose—greatest bounty hunters in the universe! Except maybe after the Judoon—"

"Judoon?" Rose questioned.

"Oh, right. Rose, remind me to tell you about the Judoon platoon upon the moon in the hospital. It's where I met Martha. The hospital was taken to the moon by the Judoon and we stood in Earth light and then I kissed her to throw off the Judoon. Oh Rose, it's such a great story. I was barefoot! Barefoot on the moon!"

 _Wait a minute_ , he thought. _Back up…_

His mouth went on its own track before his brain could catch up. He realized what he had just blurted out. He looked over at Rose and saw how rock solid she had become. He released Amelia's hand and took a step back but Rose advanced on him until he was cornered up against the wall that just sealed shut.

"Amelia," she said sweetly. A little too sweetly. "I need you to turn around and cover your ears, okay?"

The little girl did as she was told and cupped her ears. She may have been about ten years old but, as a young woman in training, even she knew when a man had dug himself too deep a hole. She started to hum loudly so she would not hear anything.

Rose kept her eyes locked on the Doctor. So, kiss another _woman_ , did he? Kissed _Martha_. She wondered briefly if Mickey knew about this but then brushed the thought aside as she stalked him the rest of the way until he was stuck between her and the wall with nowhere else to go.

He began to grumble before his words spat out at a rapid pace, saying things about genetic transfers and saving a lot of people and that it meant nothing—stressed that last one over and over again. She grinned as he kept on babbling before she reached for his lapels and pulled him down for a mind numbing kiss, shutting him up. When she released his lips he was quiet. She smirked.

Best way to shut him up, a good piece of information to keep in mind. She dropped her hands and gave him a pointed stare, her voice taking an icy edge.

"We'll be talking about that later, along with anybody _else_ you have kissed," she told him.

With that she took a step back and, while his guard was still down, gave him a light slap across the face.

"That's for kissing her right off the bat and never givin' me a shot," she added. He gave her a wide-eyed look and she grinned again.

"Sorry," he said meekly, staring at his toes.

She surprised him by reaching up to place a light kiss to the cheek she just smacked. "Let's go get the bad guy, Doctor."

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 **Hey guys you know that blank space at the very end of this chapter. waits for it. ahah you see it. leave a reply it takes two seconds but it makes my day. so please and thank you because those are the magic words.**


	40. Chapter 42

**Thanks to my Beta** **batistaangel15 shes great. And trust me she can tell you I need a beta. lol.**

 **Thanks to all who have reviewed and faved the story or are following it. I meant to post this yesterday but Between watching Jessica Jones which I mean come on evil David=Hot David ok hes hot all the time but still wow. and getting my kid ready for a couple of days at her dads and then finding myself with a house to myself for the first time since may. I put it off to enjoy the rare silence that has fallen but I am posting it now.**

 **Please leave a review I love to read your thoughts.**

 **Allons-y**

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The Doctor watched Rose as she walked over to Amelia and tapped her on the shoulder, letting the little girl know she was in the clear to uncover her ears and stop humming. She also threw her a wink before grabbing her hand and making their way out of the room.

It took him a moment for his brain to catch up on what had just happened. What _had_ just happened? Rose had kissed him hard and then slapped him even harder, and then kissed him again. It was all in the span of a few seconds before she proceeded by threatening him with a talk of who he had been kissing when she was not around. That worried him slightly. The look in her eyes had held hurt, such hurt that it pained him. Yet she still had given him a kiss on the cheek afterwards.

Women—Earth women, namely Rose—were a complete and utter bafflement to him. He could get her to talk about her feelings and could read her well enough without having her speak a syllable but he would never understand her completely. She was a puzzle he would never have all the pieces to. For a man as brilliant as he was, it was frustrating but he would have to learn to deal with it. He lifted a hand to press against his cheek, trying to hold the kiss there a second longer before taking a deep breath and walking out to search for the girls.

He headed down the stairs into the hall only to come to a stop. Something felt off, like he was missing something. But what? It was like it was there and yet it was not. He shrugged his shoulders. Must not have been that important at the moment. It would come to him sooner or later. After all he was the king of making things up as he went along and he was brilliant at it, he had to admit.

Following the sounds of voices the Doctor found himself approaching the kitchen but, instead of entering the room, he stepped out of sight to the side and listened. Surreptitiously he inched over to have a peek at what the girls were doing. They were rummaging around in the freezer before Rose pulled out a box of fish fingers and popped them in the oven. A bowl of custard sat in the center of the table and he pulled a face. Fish fingers and custard? In _what_ universe did _those_ two go together? Both girls were setting up the table with napkins and he just stood there watching.

At that point he felt he should probably make his presence known and join them but he stopped himself when they began to talk amongst themselves. It was a different experience for Rose since the ones ones she chose to spoke to since she was sent back were him, Mickey, and Jack—all men. It has been a long time since she talked to another girl. Perhaps she would be a little more open if she had a chat with Amelia. So, remaining in his hidden position, he stood outside the door with his back pressed against the wall and pondered the issue with Prisoner Zero while tuning in to what the girls were talking about.

"Amelia," Rose spoke as they took seat a at the table. "Where are you mum and dad? If they were here we would have woken them up by now." She looked over at the clock on the wall. "It's half past eleven."

The little girl gave her a level look, almost as if she were an adult herself. "I don't have a mum and dad," she replied. "Just an aunt, and she's rubbish. She doesn't want me here anymore than I want to be here. So she's out and I'm not afraid, if that's what you're after. At least not any more now that the Doctor fixed the crack in the wall.

Rose watched her carefully with raised brows. This child was way too grown up for her age. Having no family around was tough. She knew that all too well herself right now. "Well, at least you have an aunt," she finally responded. "You've got someone, even if she's rubbish. I don't have any family at all." She paused, hearing the thick wistfulness and sorrow in her own voice. "They're all gone now."

"What happened to them, did they die?" Amelia asked. "My parents died. One day they were here, the next they were gone, and so was my brother."

"I had a brother too," Rose said softly. "His name was Tony. I miss him a lot. He's about the same age as you. He's with my mum and dad. They're not dead though, I just can't ever see them again. They don't even know what happened to me." She felt her insides tightening up with guilt but she kept it to herself, though she did feel the slight wetness coming to her eyes. "I'm sorry about your parents and brother. I know it sucks."

Amelia sighed. "Yeah, it does"

The oven made a ding, breaking up the conversation. Rose stood up and made her way over to get the fish fingers out, discreetly wiping her eyes dry with the back of her hand. The Doctor would be coming in the room any minute, and the last thing she wanted was for him to see the tears ready to drip down her face. She took the fish fingers out and placed them on the table to cool before gathering plates from the cabinet.

Outside the kitchen the Doctor took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. Rose had discussed her brother with the young child, and like he thought they shared the pain as one who had never had and lost a sibling could do. He was glad that she had at least mentioned it to someone. It would make the topic easier to touch upon later on. He glanced at Rose in the corner of his eye before finally entering. She had a fish finger in her hand and started dipping it into the custard. He pulled another face.

"Pretty peculiar combination," he said.

"It's not so bad," Rose told him, biting into it.

"And you call _me_ gross for my _jam_ fetish. Honestly, fish and custard? That's the nastiest thing I could think of next to pears."

He helped himself by walking over to the counter and digging through a bowl of fruit. He grasped his prize by tossing it in the air and catching it while he turned around to face the girls at the table.

"Now, a _banana_ dipped in custard," he said, peeling off the peel, "is one of the best things in the world." He dipped the fruit in the custard and chowed down, eating three in rapid succession. Once he finished his last bite he brushed his hands off and resumed. "Now then, about Prisoner Zero. I figured out what I was missing."

"What?" Rose asked.

"See, we thought he had slipped through when we closed the gap, but he's been here for a couple of weeks because Amelia's been hearing the guard's voice in that time. He's just very good at hide and seek. Amelia, how many rooms are on this floor?"

"Five," the ginger girl replied.

He turned to Rose. "How many did you count, Rose?"

"Five," she stated simply.

"That's what was missing—there's six."

"What are you talking about?" Amelia asked incredulously. "I live here, I would know how many rooms are in here."

"But you wouldn't notice the one in the corner of your eye now, would you?" the Doctor said.

"Doctor, what d'you mean?" Rose asked.

"Out there in the hall is another room. One that can go right by you without a thought, without a glance. But if you were to look out and look around, look where you never want to out of the corner of your eye, you'll see it."

"So that's where this Prisoner Zero's at?"

He hummed in affirmation. "And we're gonna send it back to prison, right where it belongs. Just have to send a signal to the confinement and BAM! He should be out of your house in a flash, Amelia. Then Rose and I will be off and back out to the stars while you'll be off to bed with a lovely new adventure to fill your dreams."

"What do we do about the prisoner then?" Rose asked.

He took out his sonic and studied it. "The guards have a ship right above this town, I can sense their signal. If I press a button they'll detect an alien life force and come to get me. Then we will show them the door and they will get Mr. Zero and put him back where he belongs. Amelia," he added, tossing the screwdriver at the little girl, who caught it with ease. "Let's play a little game of press the button. Just aim it at me and press it."

The girl did as directed with a huge smile on her face. The Doctor glanced over at Rose and saw her smiling as well. The ship from up above placed the house under a bright beam of light, blinding them a bit. Both the Doctor and Rose watched the amazement on Amelia's face when her idea of what the world was had enlarged when guards swarmed the house and entered the sixth room. About two minutes later it was all over as Prisoner Zero was led out in handcuffs. Other officers came over the the three of them and shook each of their hands, thanking them for their duty. Next thing they knew the house was silent once again.

"How the silence does fall?" the Doctor said with a happy grin. He turned to the little girl. "And now, Amelia, it's time to bid you goodbye. We typically don't even stay this long but well… just this once I thought it would be fine."

"I want to see the stars," Amelia said, her voice wistful and full of longing. "Can I come?"

The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. _This is tricky_ , he thought. He never took children onto the TARDIS, it was one of his rules. They needed to grow and to learn and he could teach them on his ship, but the whole 'growing up' thing was a bit tricky. Not to mention the parents' or carer's reactions. After all Rose had been a grown woman when he had screwed up landing a year ahead of where he had meant to take her back to and her mum had slapped him. A child was a whole different cricket game. She still had an aunt and, even if she did not think the aunt wanted her, he knew she did. It was just an adjustment period.

He glanced at Rose and saw the same wondrous look that was reflected in the young girl's eyes in her own. She had been young once and dreamt of the stars. He knew that from the first time when they had travelled together. He reached out and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, lingering just a second longer than normal before kneeling in front of the girl.

"Amelia," he said gently. "I am going to do something for you that I never do. I am going to give you one quick trip and then you have to come back here and grow up. And, maybe one day if you're lucky, and were lucky we will come back and take you on adventures. You will just have to wait a few more years. Can you do that Amelia? Can you wait?" He watched her and she slowly nodded. "Okay then. Come on, Amelia Pond. Rose, it's time for another trip."

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 **Leave a note and I will Love you forever.**


	41. Chapter 43

**THANKS TO batistaangel15 FOR Betaing shes great at it and its her first time doing it. She makes it better.**

 **Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter I am so glad you guys are leaving your thoughts and guess's please keep it up. To all that have followed and favorited my story all I can say is WOW and thanks.**

 **I hope all of you had a good Thanksgiving for my readers who live in the states. For all who did not celebrate hope your week was good as well. well on the chapter 41 i think you will like it.**

 **Allons-y**

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The Doctor led the girls outside, trusting that they were following him. He reached into his pocket and grabbed his key to open the TARDIS doors. As he stepped inside his marvelous ship he heard Her hums greeting them as he made his way over to the console and wasted no time in setting in coordinates. The lights began to flicker, which he knew was the specific greeting for Rose and only her. He looked up when his activity wad done to see little Amelia standing in the TARDIS doorway, her mouth agape and eyes wide with amazement.

He waited for the typical response of how the ship was bigger on the inside, however the little ginger girl turned to him and Rose and said something he had never heard as a description.

"It's smaller on the outside!" Amelia said breathlessly.

Rose burst out laughing while the Doctor looked somewhat befuddled.

"Well, that's a first," he muttered to himself. "'It's smaller on the outside,' leave it to a child to state the unusual. Not even as amazed that it's bigger on the inside. A transdimensionsal ship that travels through time and space, and all it is is 'smaller on the outside'."

Rose rolled her eyes at his rude ramblings. She could easily kiss him quiet again but she was still miffed at him from the fact that he had kissed Martha. She really did not care that she had been gone at the time. No, what was racking her mind was just how long had he waited until he brought somebody else onboard the TARDIS after Canary Wharf. Just another name added to the long line of women the Doctor has encountered. What bugged her the most was that he never kissed her that way until last night, and he kissed Martha the moment he _met_ her. Feeling her anger boiling again she started to pace. She thought she had gotten past the whole 'being pissed at him' phase, but obviously not.

Off to the side Amelia stared at the two adults—the dark-haired one walking around the console mumbling to himself about how she should have been more shocked and how she could not say the right line, and the blonde pacing around and steadily getting redder in the face. She had to get them back on track if she wanted that trip. She had a feeling that getting his attention would be the easier choice as Rose was clearly stuck in her head with an emotional storm brewing and just waiting to erupt. Amelia recognized the signs. After all her therapist said she had a problem with holding things in but she was getting better at it.

She placed herself in the center of the Doctor's path and he bumped right into her. He glanced down and she pointed over at Rose, causing his eyes to widen. He realized what was going on, just like Amelia had hoped. Not saying another word she stepped back and kept walking until she hit the doorway.

They needed a bit of privacy, and she could use a quick kip before they went wherever they were going. She turned a corner and came up to the first door she saw with a pallet made up just for her. Sighing happily she plopped down on the bed and, no sooner after her head touched the pillow, she was out like a light and began to dream of what lay ahead.

Meanwhile back in the console room, the Doctor carefully watched as Rose paced back and forth in short strides much like he would when he was lost in his musings. But, unlike him, her face was changing from a pink shade to a scarlet color, her hand running through her hair. He noticed her lips moving slightly, faint mumbling coming out.

 _Very_ much like him with a bit of his former self thrown in.

He pulled on his earlobe before rubbing the back of his neck as he studied her. She needed to vent out her thoughts and talk to him but if he spoke a word to her at this moment she would not hear him. Even if she did she would disregard it. She was so worked up. How could he take this approach? If he touched her the chances of a slap coming his way were a hundred percent. If he initiated another kiss they would fall into each other and nothing would be discussed.

Rose had continued to pace, making her way over to the jump seat. The Doctor counted her strides in his head and he decided that if he had not stopped her soon she could likely explode. He knew from experience that keeping one's thoughts lingering in your mind would cause unpleasant, sleepless nights. Not that he needed much sleep anyway, but the same principle applied. If she were to just sit down then they could work this out. That is if she _chose_ to. Taking a seat and talking with him would help but she could also remain standing and attempt to put everything behind a temporary wall again.

Only one way to find out. The brief idea came to him and, while he knew it could be the cause of another infamous Tyler slap, he needed to make sure she would calm down and stay still.

When he counted seven strides for the third time he reached a hand out and lightly pushed her, causing her to fall forward onto the jump seat. He quickly moved to pounce on her, not forcefully but just to prevent her from swinging at him. She fought against him for a few moments then gave in and relaxed. He gently turned her to face him, pressing a hand to her cheek. Seeing the anger in her eyes was just as palpable as the heat radiating from her skin. He shifted to sit beside her on the jump seat and brushed back a stray price of hair behind her ear before dropping his hand.

There were times where it was okay when they would play around but now was not one of those times. Too much had built up over the day, too much emotion for one person to handle. So he waited for her decision calmly, knowing her what her choice would be even before she did herself. She had no poker face. She let out a sigh and remained next to him, the heat fading from her cheeks.

Rose knew he was going to get her to talk and to open up some more, he was patient while at the same time persistent. She really hated having to open up old wounds in order for them to close back up but she knew that if she did not let something loose she would explode. That was the last thing she wanted to do, especially now that the Doctor was hers at last—even if she was irritated by a lot of things he had done and still does. She turned to him and he gave her a sad smile in return.

"Rose, I know you want to talk about a lot of things," he said softly. "There's Sarah Jane, your mum, or the 'kiss' with Martha. Pick one for now and we will deal with the other two after we take Amelia on her trip."

"Where is she?" Rose asked, evading the topics for a moment. "When did she take off? She was here a minute ago. She okay?"

She started to get up from the seat to search for the girl but the Doctor grabbed her belt loop and pulled her back down to the seat.

"She's fine," he told her. "She's just having a bit of a kip in the room down the hall. The TARDIS told me she's out like a light."

"Oh, okay," she murmured.

He raised a hand and gently stroked her hair the way she enjoyed it, his tone still soft. "Come on, Rose, just choose one of them. Only one, that's all. You'll feel better, you know you will."

She thought about it for a few moments. She did not want to talk about her mum right now. With that she was still confused about everything and wanted to work through that in her own mind first before she went through it verbally. Sarah was just a blip on the radar. She still did not understand why she had reacted to the older woman in that manner, the overactive jealousy. She needed to think about that a little more. No, what she really needed to discuss was Martha, and how long it took for the Doctor to find a new companion to take onboard the TARDIS. Had she really meant that little to him?

He had never said the words to her but she swore he had felt something that day on the sand with the waves around them. But if he had taken Martha on as soon as he left her…maybe he had not cared. Maybe he had been happy to be done with the lovesick fool of a girl. Maybe even now his feelings were just tied up with everything that had happened to them and the fact that she was back. Maybe he did not care. Or maybe she was overthinking things again. She was probably making things more complicated than necessary.

She forced her gaze up from her hands to meet his and let out a sigh. How this man's eyes affected her, how they made her yearn to tell him everything that she held close to her heart. But the words just would not come as easy as they had when she had been younger and more volatile. Her emotions were held tightly to herself and she used to wear them on her sleeve, which was why she held them so close now.

How could she tell him everything that was bothering her? How could she even explain anything? He had the right to have a new friend and companion, someone to share the adventures with. She had not been there with him when she was taken away. That was not his fault. She had not wanted him to be unhappy, at least not at that point. But how could she explain that her feelings were hurt because he traveled with someone new? Someone to replace her?

She watched his gaze as he studied her eyes. She knew he could see all her emotions as they flickered in and out. Next came something she was not expecting, though. He pulled her in a tight hug that took her breath away. When he tried to ease his grip she tightened hers on him and crawled into his lap, welcoming the comfort of his body.

He started to mumble something to her and he knew—oh yes, he knew—what was bugging her the most. It was Martha and their adventure on the moon. _Stupid Time Lord_ , he thought to himself. He just had to open his gob earlier without thinking and blurt out that he had kissed Martha on the moon. Well, it was merely a genetic transfer and nothing with any attachment or feeling whatsoever, but it was still enough to hurt Rose. Originally he did not think she cared that it was to save a lot of people's lives.

Okay, that was shallow of him. This was _Rose_ he was talking about, _of course_ she would care.

She was just upset that he had never kissed her so early on. He had fought his own emotions for so long when they first began travelling together and then she was taken away from him. She was gone, far from his reach. If that lever had not failed that day, things would have ended differently than they had. He ran his hands through her soft honey-colored hair before gently pulling back to see her face. He could see the questions forming on her lips but before he prepared himself for some answers he wanted to have another taste. If she was going to stay mad at him this could be the last one they shared for a while.

So, with the questions still swirling in her eyes, he leaned down and claimed her mouth in a bruising manner.

Rose gasped at the sudden gesture but she melted into it, parting her lips just enough so that he could slip his tongue inside to deepen the kiss. Neither of them could ever get enough of each other's taste. The Doctor's hands tangled themselves in her hair when she pulled him closer, her own making their own movements as her fingers roamed across his back, skating along his ribs.

His undershirt had shifted a bit from her ministrations but he was so immersed in the sweet taste of her mouth that he barely processed the next move. Rose tugged it from his trousers, her hands moving beneath the hem as she began to wander over his cool skin. The Doctor was becoming aware of what she was doing and could not bring himself to stop her in the middle of her journey as she ascended from his abdomen in her slow exploration of his muscles, almost achingly when her nails grazed his chest. He shivered in response.

They needed to _talk_ , he knew that. What was intended to be a brief taste her mouth to satisfy his needs turned on its head instantly and had gotten out of hand. Still he could not stop her hands as they wandered on their own accord. It felt too right, too good. He could not draw his mouth back off of hers unless it was to nip at the tantalizing tender flesh that was her neck, or to place a soft kiss beneath her ear to make her shiver along with him then right back onto her lips where he could drink all of her in.

While their mouths continued their devouring his hands began their own exploration. Slipping his fingers through the softness of her hair had been a pleasure but he wanted more, wanted to get a little even with what she had been doing to him. Removing his hands from her strands their found their way under her shirt, gently caressing her sides with tight circles. He earned himself a hum from her, motivating him to go up as as far as he would allow himself. And the territory he ended up in did not seem too far in his books. Somehow, without even realizing, his hands had made their way further up to her breasts, palming each swell concealed by the cotton material of her bra. A thought entered his mind that would not leave him, just wondering what she would taste like in other areas of her body and not just her mouth.

And it was with _that_ small rational part of the Doctor's brain, or what was left of it, had caught up to him and he realized how things had truly gotten out of hand.

They were falling into each other again and not communicating with each other. This was not the way to heal, and it certainly was not the way to start the beginning of a relationship. Not only that but for Rassilon's sake, there was a _young child_ aboard the ship and all he wanted to do was to rip Rose's clothes off and have her right on the jump seat with no romance or ambience. Just to feel her body against his own. No. He had to stop them from taking this too far. They needed to talk now.

Forcing himself to back away he gave her one more chaste kiss to the lips before bringing her in for another hug, holding her close to catch their breaths and to breathe in her scent.

"Rose…" he breathed out into her hair. "We have to talk."

"I know," she said quietly, holding onto him tightly.

"You want to talk about Martha?"

She nodded against him. "Out of everything that's happened today, it's Martha that gets under my skin the most," she murmured. "Maybe it ties in with the school and Sarah Jane, I dunno. It gets mixed up. Did you take her onboard as soon as you said goodbye to me? You kissed her on your first adventure with her. Did you even think about me?"


	42. Chapter 44

**Ok must thank my beta batistaangel15 I Had some big problems with this chapter and she smoothed them out and helped make it a bit longer. so thanks.**

 **Now I must say to my readers I am so sorry I have not updated in awhile. After my last post. Life went nuts. I have been sick and I mean sick strep, bronchites, then a cold and then tosillitaes. followed by anouther round of bronchites i am still not fully up and about yet. the cough is still killing me. but still Im sorry.**

 **To all that reviewed and read my last chapter thank you from the bottom of my heart. please keep doing it. the next chapter is already half way written.**

 **Merry Christmas and Allons-y**

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 _Out of everything that's happened today, it's Martha that gets under my skin the most. Maybe it ties in with the school and Sarah Jane, I dunno. It gets mixed up. Did you take her onboard as soon as you said goodbye to me? You kissed her on your first adventure with her. Did you even think about me?_

The Doctor stroked Rose's hair softly, letting the silky strands fall through his fingers. How could he answer her? Of course he had to be honest with her, how else? Honesty was always a key part to any relationship, and he always wanted to be open and honest with his precious pink and yellow human. That much was a given. Inhaling a deep breath, he finally began.

"Oh, Rose Tyler," he started gently. "I thought we went through this when you found out I had your shirt." He sighed. "But maybe I did not make it clear to you that night. I thought about you every day, a million times a day. As a matter of fact you should ask Martha how often you were brought up. It drove her mad. Donna liked to call her 'Mad Martha'." He pulled back enough for her to see the small smile that lit his face. "As for me taking her onboard right after Bad Wolf Bay, I did not. After I said goodbye to you Donna appeared on the TARDIS—that's a long story, one I'll tell you about some other time—but she did not want to travel with me after the events of that day and, to tell you the truth, I did not want her to either.

"I was grieving for a long time, Rose. And Martha…well Martha was there for me, and I treated her badly." He shook his head. "It's a wonder that she travelled with me as long as she did. When I was in that hospital on the moon all I thought about was _you_ —about what you could be doing on the other side of that wall in that universe, wishing that I could find a way to get you back to this world. If you had been there with me on the moon I would have kissed _you_. And not just for a genetic transfer, it would not be anything chaste. The moment you were pulled through that wall I realized I had been a fool. I had wished to every god in existence that it would have been my lever to malfuction and not yours. I spent weeks trying to find a way to get back to you—Rassilon did I _try_. But in the end all I had was that tiny gap and minutes, just a couple of moments to give you a proper goodbye.

"I burned up a _sun_ for you, Rose Tyler, and it was still not enough. I had no time to grieve for what I had foolishly lost by being arrogant. If I had not sent you away…if I had just let you stay with me on my side like you wanted then maybe you would not have gone through that wall. I just…" He closed his eyes briefly and scrubbed a hand down his face. "I just don't know. But there's one thing I _do_ know, Rose, one thing I can assure you wholeheartedly. That kiss with Martha meant _nothing_ to me. Nothing at all. I really did kiss her to save her life and buy some time, and it saved a lot of people that day. That was the only reason for it, just to save thousands of lives. I never kissed anybody while we were apart. There were a few who kissed me, but I never kissed _them_. And as for Sarah Jane, she was never anything more than just a friend to me. She wanted more once but…well, it just was not right."

Pulling back a little the Doctor brought his hands up to cup her face, his thumbs lightly brushing over her cheeks. Her eyes were shining as she listened intently. He wanted to make sure any and all doubts she had about what he went through since her departure were gone.

" _It's you_ that I want to kiss, Rose," he continued softly. "It's always been _you_. Even when I wore that leather jacket that you don now. It was and always will be you when I wear pinstripes and trainers. It'll be you the next time I regenerate and wear something stupid like bow ties or stetsons. It's still going to be you."

A slow smile spread across Rose's face, the same one that always gave off a warm feeling whenever he saw it. Her eyes were still bright and her voice came out as a slightly raspy whisper. "I think bow ties are cool, Doctor."

He chuckled quietly with a grin as his own. "If you say so." He pressed a light kiss to her lips before bringing her close to him once more, gathering her tightly in his arms.

They still had a long way to go but there has been a lot of progress being shown. She was asking questions and listening to his responses now; he was fixing her just as she would always fix him. Day by day, memory by memory. Did he dare push a bit further today? It was a long stretch since he did not want to put her in an awkward situation since they were rebuilding themselves together, but she went along with it willingly, feeling more at peace and content as him.

He mentally checked with his beloved ship to see what little Amelia was up to. The Old Girl confirmed that the ginger girl was still sound asleep in one of the guest rooms. Okay then. Even if things between him and Rose had jumped up a notch right here in the console room then there was a good chance that, if Amelia were to wake up and wander around, the sentient ship would rearrange the corridors to keep the child away in order to avoid some more awkward situations. That aside, he retired his attention to his Rose in his arms.

"Do you miss your family?" he tentatively asked. "Your mum and Tony and Pete?" She did not answer him and he continued to speak, his voice gentle. "I know you were angry when you came back here and did not want to talk about them and I did not push you."

He stopped talking when he felt her tense up under his palms, followed by her shoulders beginning to shake. Then he heard her small sob and the words rushed out.

"I'm never going to see them again, Doctor. I miss them so much, and they don't know what happened to me. I went to sleep in my bed and then I was gone. And I know I said I did not love them but I do. I love them so much and I was so mean and that's all they're going to remember me by—as a mean and hateful _bitch_." She spat the last word out in disgust before another sob shook her entire system. "Bitch, bitch, bitch," she muttered.

Her words pained his hearts. He knew she felt low about herself since she returned but he did not think it was that bad to the point she would call herself such a name. Not his Rose. He gently rocked her in his arms, rubbing her back while whispering comforting words until she quieted. He pulled back to wipe away the tears that began to trickle down her cheeks.

"Rose Tyler, don't _ever_ call yourself that," he said softly. "You went through a lot in that time. It was a rough road for you to deal with, most of which is my fault. It's okay to miss your family, there's nothing wrong with that at all. And I know for a fact that your mother loves you, along with your brother and Pete. There would never be a reason for one Jackie Tyler to hate you for what you did, no matter what you would ever do. She's a mother and she cares about you, she always had and always will. If you want me to, I will find a way for you to say your goodbyes so they will have closure and know what happened to you. It might take me some time to find a way but I can promise you I _will_ find a way for you."

Rose smiled a little shyly at him. "I thought you would be mad at me for missing them," she admitted. "That it would upset you, and yet here you are—being all Doctor, trying to fix things." She let out a mirthless chuckle. "I know you sad that I'm not a bitch but I was. It was not your fault," she said quickly when he opened his mouth for reassurance. She moved closer to place a gentle kiss to his lips, pulling away before he could deepen it. "Can I think about it and get back to you? I still need to think about what I might say if you could find a way. I want to be prepared 'cause I might only get moments."

He nodded, trailing the backs of his fingers down her cheek. "Are we good, Dame Rose?"

"We are, Sir Doctor," she replied with a small grin. "Let's take Amelia on that trip and have her back home in time for tea and toast. Where are we taking her? Any ideas?"

The Doctor smiled brightly at her. "Oh, yes. Go wake her up and you will see."

Rose matched his wide smile as she pushed herself off the jump seat to do just that, making her way down the twisting corridors. Once she left he stepped forward at the console and typed in the coordinates to the destination he had in mind, pulling the lever and sending them into the vortex and watching the time rotor rise and fall with its usual rattle and wheeze. He prayed to all the deities that he did not believe in that it was the right choice.

The girls came rushing back in moments after landing, Amelia bouncing on her toes and Rose acting just as giddy as the first time she stepped on the TARDIS. He smiled widely before running down the ramp and throwing open the doors, allowing Amelia to step out onto the rocky gray terrain first. She stood there with large green eyes as she took all of the scenery in, staring at Earth in the far distance. Rose stepped out next and he followed, but before she could take another step forward he grabbed her around the waist and twirled her around to land in his arms while he kissed her soundly in the Earthlight.

"I'm kissing you on the moon, Rose Tyler," the Doctor told her after breaking the kiss. "You, and nobody else."

She grinned brightly at him. "Smart move Doctor."

They pulled out of each other's arms and watched as Amelia took it upon herself by taking a seat on the ground, looking up at the stars. They joined her, sitting in a comfortable silence for a short while. About a half hour had passed by until the Doctor spoke, leaning over towards the little girl.

"It's time to go, Amelia," he whispered. "But I promise that when you're older we'll come back for you and you can travel with us."


	43. Chapter 45

**Thanks to My Beta** **batistaangel15 who somehow manages to make a chapter I hate into one I like. Don't know how she does it.**

 **I have no good reasons for not posting I wrote this chapter through a dozen times but it came out like crap each time. I hate this ep I really do I know some people like it but I hate it. Which made it twice as hard to write it out. But it an important ep and had to be included. so like I said no good reasons writters block and hate for this ep almost killed the fic. lol but it did not. I continue on.**

 **Thanks to all who are still reading and reviewing I will try to update sooner but we are in the busy time at work and my 9 year old kid thinks shes 16 and driving me bonkers.**

 **And since I have not done it yet hears a disclamer. I do not own Doctor Who it belongs to the writers and actors and everybody else involved. I do own however two sonic screwdrivers, a hoodie a pair of pj pants, a poster, earrings, a wallet, a kindle cover, a necklece, a 10 mug, and a sonic screw driver spork. Oh and A 10 dress cosplay.**

 **Ok Allons-y please review.**

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They dropped off Amelia Pond back at her home, taking her up to her bedroom. She said that she was not tired but that statement proved to be false when the young girl yawned. She told them that she had an amazing time and thanked them endlessly for the trip to the moon. Before the duo left, the Doctor presented her with a special gift. It was a blue journal—TARDIS blue, naturally—and came with a psychic pen from some planet with such a long name Rose could not remember it that was guaranteed to never run out of ink or even get lost. They told her to write about all the amazing things she wanted to see in the past, present, and/or future, then promised her that they would return to her home when she would turn twenty-one.

Amelia Pond thought time would move slowly until the day that magical blue box appeared again since it was a long wait and far away, but until then she would be the girl who dreamt of marvellous things yet to come when she would begin travelling.

The Doctor and Rose exited the house and made their way across the garden and back into the TARDIS. He moved around the console and pulled the lever, sending them off into the Vortex. Once they were back across the stars he set them to drift before turning to face her. His hand found its way down to clasp hers as he lightly tugged her along with him down the corridor. It was late, which also meant it was past time for another memory to relive and watch. Even though they had already watched one this morning or afternoon or whatever time it was since the Old Girl became mauve and a young ginger sprite had unexpectedly dropped in their laps. But, with the progress they've been making so far, it was necessary and remedial.

Rose knew what was coming as she was led to the media room in the TARDIS halls, something she had been aware about for a little while now and never wanted to relive again—the adventure of when they ran into that French tart. She was not, most _definitely_ not, watching this one. Discussing it, yes. As much as she wanted to forget that trip even happened she knew it could not be completely ignored. They needed to talk more about it now, but she would not watch him flirt with that bitch, or even see him kiss her. She would not be able to handle it. She would probably punch his daylights out right then and there.

Rose took her usual spot on the couch once they entered the room. The Doctor stood for a moment, studying her carefully. He could see the plethora of emotions swirling clearly in her eyes. She did not want to watch the next memory. He understood that. This was not one he was too fond of either, mainly because there were things he regretted and carried with him for so long after, the guilt he felt when he looked out hat window. And now his precious human had gone through traumatic experiences after being trapped in a parallel universe. Her emotions were more high strung and on the edge than they had been years ago. She would be determined to win this one battle with him.

He thought for another moment, rethinking about those events in that adventure, feeling every ounce of dread washing over him. He knew she would not want to watch any of that again, but it seemed wise to let her not be bothered. Perhaps they could just talk it through just like they had before. She did not want to relive that adventure any more than she did, it was only appropriate. At the time he had realized that he had cared for Rose deeply, even way before the escapade in France with Reinette. It hurt him dearly when he smashed through a shattered mirror with high chances of not making it back in time to get back into the TARDIS. He remembered that longing feeling, the sadness, the loneliness he felt when he thought of Rose, the light to his dark, what he was leaving behind. Unintentionally, he might add.

He would _never_ want to leave her behind. He would always want her right by his side, there to hold his hand through the dark.

Things had been awkward when he had returned shortly after breaking through that mirror to stop the clock droids. Rose went through a silent treatment, so to speak. She had locked herself in her room for three days and nights, barely coming out unless it was to grab something quick to eat. She had ignored him for the majority of that time, isolating herself from him and leaving him with Mickey, the only entertainment and company he could have since she chose to distance herself from everyone and everything. On many occasions did he contemplate knocking on her door to have a word with her and talk, but the TARDIS had seemed to always move her room around like it was on a carousel. He did not like that one bit.

When she finally emerged from her room she seemed steady and sure of herself. He had been relieved that she had loosened up so he thought it best not to question her since it would have only brought up even more questions that he was not willing to answer and have them put in an uncomfortable position, ones he would have to be cautious with when responding to them. He had decided to leave things alone so not to cause any more tension to ripple through both of them, leaving them to fall back into their familiar pattern of acting silly as they travelled.

Now, though, he would have to clarify everything once it resurfaced. Their relationship was more open than it was back then, still showing the utmost respect for each other with their deep friendship and closeness but making it…more. It was still new territory, something beginning to bloom that needed to be tended and nurtured with great care. But he also knew that the old memories of the past haunted them. Out with the old, in with the new. He wished that they had talked about it briefly back then to make things a little easier for them now, but he knew with the way Rose had been since returning it would have been erased from the record anyway. There was a chance this could lead to a rough spat, but he would ease into this gently.

"Rose," he finally spoke. "I won't make you watch it if you don't want to."

"And I _don't_ want to, Time Lord," Rose ground out, her voice already dripping with anger.

Her hand went over her mouth as she stared straight ahead but there was a moment where she glanced over to see him to see the grimace painting his features. She had not called him that term in weeks. He had thought that they were past that hurtle and so did she. It was an old habit of hers, one she did not want to bring back. At least he hoped not. If so then all the progress that they have been building up to this moment would begin to crumble back down to the landing foundation to start over again. They were past that stage. He would make sure she would heal properly, so he would lead her through this.

The Doctor walked over to take the spot next to her on the couch and gently drew her hand away from her mouth, bringing it up to his mouth to press a kiss to her knuckles. Still cradling it in his own, he began to speak. "It's okay, Rose," he said softly.

"I didn't mean it, Doctor," Rose replied. "I didn't know it was even about to fly out. I just don't like to talk about that French harlot you loved." Her eyes widened as she tried to cover her mouth again, but he kept both of hers firmly in his.

His mouth opened in disbelief at her statement. He could not believe what she just said. She actually believed that? How? "Y-you…" he stammered. "You thought that I loved _Reinette_? _How_? Why? _What_ in Rassilon's name gave you that impression? She was kind, that was all. How could I love her, I barely even knew her."

"She _kissed_ you!" Rose suddenly burst out, making him flinch. Her hands slipped out of his as she stood to her feet, pacing while she ranted. "She even said that she saw into your mind. A woman that you barely knew, and you bared your soul to her."

"I never showed her everything that _defined_ me—"

"Let me finish," she cut him off sharply, glaring at him. His mouth shut and she continued. "While me and Mickey were strapped on tables and about to be chopped up for parts, no less. You came swaggering back to our side with your tie wrapped around your head talking about how you invented the banana daiquiri and accused me of sounding like _my mother_."

"It was an act," he stressed. "In no way would I become intoxicated, it was just an act of diversion."

Rose snorted. "Yeah, _lovely_ plan you had. Rescue us then fly through a mirror on a horse. I was standing there, Doctor. I never felt so…I can't even describe it. I kept staring at the wall where the glass used to be and didn't see an opening anywhere. Mickey didn't know if we were ever gonna make it back home and I didn't even have an answer for him. I thought the TARDIS would figure something out since She's always been brilliant. All I did was stand there waiting for you to come back, wondering if you'd ever come back to me. Five and a half hours, thinking that you didn't care and just forgot about us—about me. Thinking that I had finally become that latest addition to the list of companions you left behind, that I wasn't good enough for you and meant nothing to you and that that snobby priss was perfect for you. But when you finally came back I couldn't wait to throw myself into your arms 'cause I was thrilled that you came back, and pissed off. But still happy that I won in the end."

She stopped pacing and took a deep breath, feeling herself tensing up and shaking inside from her furious diatribe. She whirled around to see him watching her intently then pointed a finger at him.

"And you know what you did, Mister big shot Time Lord? You told me that we would take that priss on a trip with us. _A bloody trip_ on the TARDIS! I went through all of that and you wanted to take her on a trip, without even consulting me or thinking about how I would feel." Her arms outstretched themselves. "And what did I do? Nothing! Then you ran on back after her then came back when you found out she was dead. You came back all sulky and miserable and broody. You wouldn't even look me in the eye! I left the room with Mickey but stayed behind and watched you reading that letter, looking all upset and lost."

"Rose—"

"Not done!" she yelled. "And you know what I did after that, Doctor. I went to my room and I cried. Not for a ten minutes, not for an hour—for days. _Days_. I even started to pack my bags and thought about going home to mum 'cause I was so upset. I actually thought about leaving you and this life behind, to just run away as fast as possible to escape from my emotions after that adventure. When those days locked in my room I kept thinking it over and decided to give you another chance. Then when I finally found you and Mickey, you two were just playing on the PlayStation, not even giving a damn about me. So I thought I'd do the same to you, but I wasn't leaving this life I had chosen behind. After I saw the real you I figured it was only a matter of time before you left me like you had done to all the others. I pretended that I was fine and you never tried to talk to me about it. So I knew I was right."

Rose finally stopped talking as sudden as she started, staring hard at him, challenging him to reply. The Doctor could only do the same, his mouth open in shock. He was gobsmacked, her words coming at him hard. If he did not already wish he had spoken to her back then about the situation he certainly would have been pushed into it now. His Rose, his poor Rose. She had packed her things and thought about _leaving_. She had cried for days and kept it all to herself. And, most notably, he had been the biggest idiot in the universe. He already had regrets about that day and what the possible repercussions would be. He never thought they were that bad compared to what Rose told him. Now he knew why she would think that he loved Reinette. He let her believe that and it was nowhere near the truth.

 _No one_ would _ever_ replace the woman who created this body, who imprinted herself onto him. And certainly not someone he did not even know. It was all a mistake but he would rectify that right now.

The Doctor reached over for her hands, gently pulling her back towards him. She tried to get out of his grasp and he understood that. She had every right to be upset with him, but she needed to hear what he had to say. He let go of her hands and placed his hands on her hips, easing her down onto his lap, cradling her in his arms as he spoke.

"Oh, Rose," he said quietly. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. But you need to know that I didn't love her. I was kind to her, yes, but I _never_ felt anything romantic towards her. How could I feel so deeply about someone I barely knew? I didn't want to go through that mirror intentionally. I had to stop the aliens from changing history and unraveling the universe. Was it the best plan? _Definitely_ not. I had no time to properly think, and it became one of my biggest regrets after I went through. Not much longer after that it was night time. I was standing at a window, staring off into the sky of millions of stars, wishing with all of my hearts that you would be with me as we travelled across them. Instead I found myself stuck in the slow path, but I knew I wouldn't be there forever. I was going to do my hardest and I'd be damned if I hadn't found my way back to you. I would never do that to you, Rose. Never to _you_.

"As for Reinette, I never kissed her— _she_ kissed _me_. What she did to me was not initiated by me. And about her seeing into my mind, she barely scratched the surface of what's rattling inside this big old head of mine. I would never bare my soul, as you put it, to just anyone, and certainly not to someone I barely knew and had no feelings towards whatsoever. When I examined her mind to see what the droids had done so I could prevent them from more damage she somehow slipped into my mind. Think of it like Harry Potter. Remember when Harry saw into Snape's mind when his defenses were down? It was the almost the same thing. I didn't realize it hurt you so badly, Rose, but I had to save her or else history would have unraveled and changed the timelines. Everything would have been erased, including when I first met you. If I could go back I wish that I should've pulled you up on Arthur so we could've charged through that mirror together because, like you always say, it's better with two.

"As for her travelling with us, I only wanted to let her have one trip. That's all. I just figured that she deserved that much after what those droids put her through. But I was too late and she died before I could let her have that trip. Maybe I should've asked you if you would be okay with that sooner. I just thought that bringing her on one brief trip wouldn't hurt, but I handled it wrong." He snorted in derision. "Like everything else I do. I was upset that she died, Rose, but it was only because I promised her a small trip and she never had it. Just a small glimpse of the wonders of the universe was all I thought she deserved and she never lived to see it. But I didn't love her, Rose. How could I when I've been pining for a particular pink and yellow woman who I thought I could never have? And, as for talking to you after, I wanted to. When you locked yourself away in your room I figured you just wanted alone time. I wanted to speak to you sooner but I thought it would make things easier to deal with. Honestly, I'm surprised you hadn't left. Not that I ever wanted you to, but I would understand. You'd probably find another pretty boy again since I know I'm not mature for my old age. I was an idiot for what I did back then."

Rose turned in the Doctor's arms after a moment, her own looping around his neck. "So basically we were both running for the hills and from our own feelings and refused to discuss it because it would make us face things," she said.

He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, suppose so."

A small grin appeared on her face and he returned it. "Guess we're both idiots."

"So…do you forgive me, Rose Tyler?"

Rose thought about it for a second, looking cheeky. "Only if you gimme a kiss so we can make up properly."

He made a happy sound, trailing the backs of his knuckles down her cheek. "That will not be a problem." He proceeded by pulling her in for a soft kiss to her lips. Yeah, they would be okay. They would always be okay.


	44. Chapter 46

**Thanks to me Beta shes great.**

 **thanks for all the reviews last chapter keep them coming, this chapter is short I know it is but it came so I wrote I hope you guys enjoy the short one. leave me your thoughts.**

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The next morning—if that was what it could be considered—Rose woke up in the Doctor's bed. His body was curled up beside her with their limbs tangled together, one of his hands resting just above her heart with his fingertips lightly brushing over the spot of her night shirt where the three specific letters of one word were hiding beneath the fabric. She was unsure if he were even asleep but she did not care whether or not of he was. He was a nice cuddler. A soft sigh escaped from her. Everything felt so right. It had been a while since she felt this at ease, which she was grateful for after discussing their feeling about that past adventure she chose to forget. Now, though, she was content.

All of those years she spent fighting to get back to him and then more fighting to forget about him. But in all that time, and even now, she always had a constant reminder to guide her through the trials and tribulations, the ups and downs—the word written in black ink above her heart. Back then in the early days of trying to find a way back to this universe she was unsure if she would ever find happiness again since she was denied it in the other world. Through her frustrations of never finding him and for leaving her on that damned beach she knew that she would have never been able to move beyond him and his life. But she knew that she would never be pleased with the environment she was stuck in.

If fate had not allowed her to finally come back she would have remained alone, becoming a bitter old woman until the end. She would have watched everybody around her die. Every single person around her would wither and decay before her very eyes and she would live on to become miserable, draining the remainder of their lives without ever knowing it. That was not a way of living.

She snuggled a little closer to her Doctor, into his warmth. A grin spread across her face when she felt his arms tightening around her, almost protectively. No, not almost—it was exact. She loved him, _truly_ loved him. It was not a 'lovesick teenage-like crush' as her mother and Mickey had convinced her to believe. It was Love—true and deep. So deep, written with a capital 'L' in bright, bold red. She admitted that there were times where she tried to hold those feelings back and deny their existence, but she knew deep down she could never do such a thing. Everything she felt when she first met this man beside her, every feeling, was coming back to her again. She may not say it out loud but in her heart and in her mind it was the most honest and purest and truest love she had ever had.

What she had felt for the man the Doctor once was in his previous incarnation, the first face of his she ever saw, was love. Only now, when looking back at it, it was a pale comparison to everything she felt now. Even more than the words declaring her love for him while she was standing on that sandy beach with a holographic image of him that she was not even able to touch. No, what she felt now was more real and more sure. She had to admit that it sounded barmy since he was the same man, but she for felt like they were starting over yet at the same time picking up where they left off. She was beginning to know him better this time around. He was more open with himself than he has ever been, letting her see the hidden pieces of this new man he was becoming.

It was different. Whether it was good different or bad different, she did not know, but in a way it was as if he had regenerated when she was gone and a new new new Doctor had emerged from the golden flames with the same features and traits, but also with a little something else added into the mix that allowed him to be more open.

Rose heard the Doctor's breathing shift, evidence that he was in fact asleep this whole time and would be waking up shortly. It was so rare to see him resting like this, even more rare to have her wake up before him. Still, it was rewarding. When they had slipped into bed last night they had shared a few tender lingering kisses before he put a halt to them so that she could get her sleep. Honestly she did not want to stop. All this time she had been wanting to taste those lips of his in their early days of travelling and they had so much time to make up for. To her his lips were laced with cocaine, and she just could not have enough of his taste once she tried it once. It was an addiction, but at least this was a good one.

The Doctor's arms began to move as he stretched his body, grunting. Rose bit her lip as she watched him. His hair was disarray and no lines or creases were etched into his face. Damn, he looked good in the morning.

"Morning," he mumbled. "Sleep well?"

Rose responded clearly by pouncing him, bringing him in with a hard searing kiss, setting them both ablaze. He was a bit shocked by the sudden reaction out of her and probably had a blank mind now, but he was finding himself responding with equal fervor, fighting for control.

Shifting in his spot he placed his hands on her hips and rolled himself down to lay on his back, bringing her along with him as she straddled him. One of his hands raised up to slide through her silky blonde hair, cradling the back of her head. He wretched his mouth from hers to pepper her chin and jaw with softer kisses, trailing down to her neck and down to her pulse point. Her heart rate was elevating heavily from the heat. He froze for a moment, his lips remaining there before he gently sucked on the spot. She let out a moan the second his cool tongue laved over her flesh, her own lips marking their territory across his forehead, mapping out the freckles on his cheeks then down to his neck.

Caught up in his own activities the Doctor had not even realized that Rose had pushed herself up to work on the buttons of his Oxford, opening it up to give herself another area to explore. Her nails gently grazed down his chest, across his pectorals, her mouth following the path much to his oblivious state. He barely even registered what was going on but let out a sigh. The absence of her mouth on his own made him hungrier so he reached down to tug her back up to him, kissing her fiercely. He flipped them over, switching their positions to place her beneath him, his lips moving back down to her sweet spot on her neck.

She moaned again, her body arching slightly. He inwardly growled at the response and felt himself going along with the drive even more than he ever thought he would. Hovering over her with his mouth never leaving her throat he shocked himself as well as her when he made a bold move, one taken up another level from the first time he did it yesterday. One of his hands found their way down to grasp one of her breasts, squeezing lightly. He froze, his mouth still moving along her pulse point but slower. His fingers began exploring her mound over her shirt—tracing, pinching, teasing. Tantalizing as that was he focussed more on her neck before ascending up the crook until he landed over her mouth again, bruisingly. She was not protesting or rejecting him for his move, only mewing sounds of approval. He would never do something without her consent and, as it seems, she did not mind.

The Doctor pulled back momentarily to look into her eyes, deep and dazed. It might have been a reflection of his own, he was not sure. Either way, this was the most intense she has ever looked. Well, he should say in moments of passion and not the ones where she wanted to punch or slap him. That intensity fueled both of them the longer they held each other's gaze. He lowered himself down slowly, testing himself, never breaking eye contact with her until he moved down to where his hand was rested. He waited for her to reject him for what he had in mind, but she gave nothing. Only stared at him breathlessly. More than enough for him. His hand continued to massage her swell over her shirt while he pressed his mouth against the opposite one, working in tandem with his caresses. Rose groaned once—long, deep, and sensual. She fisted his hair as if to hold him there forever, letting his senses fly out of the window along with her train of thought.

He stopped himself and pushed himself up, his fingers reaching for the hem of her shirt. Again, she did not reject him. Instead, she raised her arms up over her head. Not wasting another second he pulled the item over her head in a swift tug, tossing it somewhere behind him, leaving Rose in a silky blue camisole. He stared at her, preserving the image in his mind, expression resembling the same as any normal man in existence. He had never seen her this exposed before. Granted, she was still wearing another shirt, but it was a thin, low-cut top, making her breasts appear more prominent. He felt his temperature rising by the second. They were his Rose's, to be made for exploration. His exploration, with his hands and mouths. He noted the blush beginning to creep across her skin, becoming a darker shade of pink the longer he stared.

Something else had caught his eye on her chest that made his hearts stop beating for a moment. Just an over her left breast, on her heart, was a word. A single word written in black ink, the letters thick enough to be traced with his fingers. He brought a hand up to gently move the tips of one hand over the letters inscribed, making her skin prickle and blush deepen. It was only one word but it meant something more to both of them. Their one word—the one word he had _said the first day they met in the shop basement, one that reassured her that he was the same man after he changed his face._

 _Run._


	45. Chapter 47

**I want to thank my amazing, great, wonderful Beta** **batistaangel15 shes great you guys really.**

 **Ok guys I am sorry for the wait I had a huge tecnical problem at my house, my laptop bit the dust vie energy drink it killed my mother board. and my kindle died the same day it was a sad week for electronics. but I am back up and running got a new computer and a new kindle life is good.**

 **So side note took my 9 year old to her first comic con 2 weeks ago she loved it. we got to meet John Bowerman aka Jack Harkness he was great with her got his Autograph and a photo with him and went to his Q and A. we will be going back in june again and this time we get 12 claira and missy. so happy.**

 **Thanks to everybody who has read and reviewed followed and favorited my story, Once again I am sorry for the wait you should not have to wait long now. I am hoping to do a chapter every week or every two weeks. it just depends on how tired I am with work. but spring brake is in a week.**

 **Allons-y**

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The Doctor remained frozen in place, his hearts still rested in his chest, barely beating. He finally regained his breath again but he could not help himself as his eyes were locked tightly on the single word inscribed on Rose's skin above her heart. _Run_. No image to go along with it, no additional words or phrases, nothing else.

A burst of warmth spread inside of him the longer he stared at the black ink, the double rhythm of his hearts reanimating. It was _their_ one word, _their_ special action that was the beginning of their many adventures together across the universes. It carried so much weight with only three simple letters, and she had wanted it to be with her forever, wherever she went. He felt so giddy for some reason. Yes, he was joyful at the sight before him to see how much she really cared about him to actually have something sentimental etched onto her body for the rest of her life, something so meaningful to keep close to her heart—literally. But then again, along with that shred of happiness, came the adjoining partner that was his grief.

It pained him when he imagined everything that his poor Rose had gone through in her time in the parallel world without him, all of the agony and heartbreak that she went through. The gravity of that single word was a symbol how she felt about him, how much she deeply cared about him, and that was what made it hurt even more. He did not know when she exactly had gotten the tattoo, But the one thing he was certain about was that her body had not willed it away or healed the skin around the word as it had done with the rest of her injuries. Well, there was _another_ thing. He would bet that the emotional turmoil that she suffered from being left in that parallel world most likely hurt _more_ than the tattoo itself.

How was he supposed to react? He was completely speechless, really. Should he ask her about it? Compliment her? No, no, he could not do either of those so soon. Although he noted how he has yet to even make a movement since he discovered it in the middle of what has been their most passionate exchange thus far. Before he knew it he noticed that Rose had not said anything either. She seemed frozen as well, unable to get a word out or respond. She was catching her breath, making the word rise and fall with her chest, then one of her hands raised up to cover it.

"No, Rose," the Doctor said softly, reaching over to gently grasp her hand in his, preventing her from hiding it. "Don't cover it."

She did not fight back to make another attempt at keeping him from seeing the word. His gaze remained locked on hers for a moment before falling on the ink. Her skin was beginning to prickle, he noticed. He brought his free hand over to hover over the tattoo then gently pressed a single finger down to her chest, following the groove of each letter with his eyes before slowly tracing them with his digit—first, the 'R', running over the curve of the 'U', and lastly down the 'N'. His finger trailed over to the side as he continued to marvel at the word inked on her chest, his palm resting over it, preserving it, keeping it close to her heart. He let out a deep breath.

"You know," the Doctor began, his voice still soft. His fingers began to tenderly trace over the word again. "I wondered about your wardrobe changes since you came back—your jim-jams, your casual look. I guess I now know the reason why you're not running around the TARDIS in camisoles. You didn't want me to see this."

Rose did not answer, but a soft shade of blush came to her cheeks and her chest. To him, it made her even _more_ beautiful. She averted her gaze from his, looking off to the side as if she were ashamed by that, and he did not want that. She should not feel embarrassed that she had kept this a secret from him.

The Doctor released her hand to frame her face, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her lips. He heard her sigh and attempt to coax his mouth open wider to deepen it, but he gently broke it. She looked at him quizzically as he eased himself down to hover over the word on her skin, very lightly moving his lips over each individual letter that graced her chest. Beneath him he could feel the thumping of her heart increasing, so he raised himself up to claim her mouth again, devastatingly affectionate.

Rose's mind had been racing the entire time the Doctor had loomed over her while he studied her tattoo on her chest, but in a kiss so soft and loving she let her mind fall away and meld into him, feeling her body melt and float off somewhere in the galaxies that swirled around them in the Vortex. She had categorized every kiss they have shared to date as sweet, passionate, and breathtaking, but he had never kissed her quite like _this_ before. Not that the other times were not special, but in this particular moment he was kissing her as if she was the most precious thing in all the worlds. He made her feel so appreciated and loved, and it made her insides blossom in a way she had never imagined. Letting him see the tattoo might not have been part of her plan since she returned, but she knew it was too late now. She could not hide this from him any longer.

He drew back slowly, allowing her eyes to flutter open to find his own full of understanding and questions to be asked. She knew he wanted to talk to her about this, but she had a feeling he would not press this so soon. He would wait until she was willing to tell him, but she also knew that what had been transpiring between them when they had awoken was not going to happen now. That next step had come to a sudden halt. That word had helped her when she was upset and needed comfort so many times in the past, her salvation, but now it had hindered her opportunity of finally having her way with her Doctor. The moment of mindless passion was gone now, the only thing on his mind being her well-being and the tattoo. He would not allow this to continue no matter how much she wished or begged because, in all honesty, at the moment that was just what she wanted to do—to make him hers in every way possible, to ensure that everything between them was real and true.

But he would not do this just yet. His duty to her—and to himself—was to take care of her and let her heal from her emotional scars. Not to allow him to take what she offered freely. He brushed another tender kids to her lips before shifting off of the bed to stand up. He had moved beside the door and stood there.

"Don't overthink this, Rose," the Doctor spoke up. "I don't know know why you have that word on your chest, and I'm not going to push this, but I want you to know seeing that word there—our word—is just amazing, and just…breathtaking." She saw a small smile on his face. _"You're_ breathtaking," he said warmly. "I'll be in the media room when you're ready, okay?"

Rose licked her lips and nodded. "Yeah," she finally said, finding her voice.

With that the Doctor exited the room, leaving behind the warmth in her bed, the evidence that he had been there with her. Rose remained in her spot on the bed, bringing up a hand to run her fingers over the letters on her chest, grinning foolishly to herself. She wondered if he had yet realized that this tattoo had him in such a trance not so long ago, something she rarely saw out of him. She thought that he had somehow not put that information together yet and questioned how long it would hit him until it did. Knowing how his mind worked he was probably thinking that she had another tattoo somewhere on her body that he had not come across yet much like this one. Well, unbeknownst to him, she did. She would not mind if he made attempts to search for it some time in the future, but it was way too soon.

And with this second tattoo that she had, she knew that she would _definitely_ keep concealed in every way she can.

Her first tattoo was for him, only for him. A promise, of sorts. Something that should not have made her feel ashamed to let him see it. However, the second tattoo was just for her and her alone, for no one else to see. A reminder of what and who she was and had been. Unlike the one inscribed on her chest, she got the second one after the second incident that left her stranded on that dreaded beach in Norway in the parallel world, more specifically after his clone had died. It was two words written on her upper thigh in a deep shade of purple. No one else knew about this tattoo except for her and the artist who gave it to her. She would not let the Doctor see the other one, for a long while. If ' _Run'_ on her chest left him flabbergasted and, possibly, worried, then the other words she had would leave an even greater effect on him.

Shrugging it all off Rose removed herself from the bed in search for something to put on. She remembered that she was in the Doctor's room instead of her own, so the only available choices of attire were what she had worn the day before or to venture through his closet and dig something up. She went over and found her graphic top from the day before when they discussed Reinette. Nope. She quickly dropped it. That would be burned along with the one she had worn on that very adventure. It was a petty top and a waste, but she did not care, so she found herself face-to-face with the wardrobe doors. Throwing them open she walked inside the massive space, her mouth falling open in surprise. Even though she knew the TARDIS was bigger on the inside she was still being thrown for a spin.

There were countless racks of shoes ranging from dressy types to simple plimsolls as well as others for hats and various suits. Rose always assumed that he just wore the same suit over and over again, only sonicing it clean and just changed the Oxfords, but obviously she was wrong. There had to be at least a dozen out in the open hanging up neat and tidy and thousands of dress shirts. Moving further into the closet she noticed an unusual assortment on one of the shelves—a bag of jelly babies. She arched an eyebrow. She was aware that he had a sweet tooth, but keeping a bag of candies in a closet? Yeah, that was too much. She grabbed a pair of black sweatpants and tugged them on, followed by a random button-up undershirt that was slung over a chair. Honestly, the alien had interesting tastes in style, some very peculiar when she noticed his groups of socks.

For an old man in a box that has been around for centuries he sure did have similar socks to that of a nine year old boy—Batman, Superman, Harry Potter. In fact, the only thing he did not have was a pair of basic black. She grinned as she took a pair of bold red socks with the Flash on them along with a white top and matching trousers to make an interesting statement. She skipped through the wardrobe with intentions of leaving the bedroom until a striped pattern caught her eye. It was a unique scarf, a long one. Extremely long, probably longer than her entire length. She chuckled. Did he ever really wear this? Her first Doctor clad in leather would have never been seen wearing something so…odd and ornate, and certainly not her pinstriped Doctor. It just was not stylish enough for him, but it was irresistible to her. She looked down at herself, debating.

What the hell, might as well go for it. If she was going to make a statement, she might as well make a big one.

Rose took the end of the elongated scarf and drew it from its spot, wrapping it around her. It trailed behind her, Lord only knew how much further away it was, as she moved around. A small red fez was sitting on one of the shelves, so she snatched it and placed it on her head. She raced out of the room to search for the Doctor, barely realizing that the coat she had picked up was not on her shoulders anymore. She dashed to the media room and came to a halt when she saw the Time Lord sitting on the sofa with a book in his hands, mumbling to himself.

Leaning against the door she just watched him from afar. His dark brown hair was disarray, a style that she preferred and resembled the way he had worn it when he first regenerated before he discovered hair gel. In the dim light its color appeared richer, showing traces of mahogany. If she could see his eyes she would know the look in them as well as she knew her own, like looking into a mirror. His would be filled with a manic energy and a sense of bewilderment at whatever was racking that brain of his. Again, from where she stood, she was reminded just how handsome he was and that somehow he was all hers. Well, at least for the time being.

Rose was no fool, not this time. She was just being thankful for every day she had with him, savoring every second and trying not to think of the endgame. He would regenerate again one day, having another man to take his place, a man that might not want her anymore. That would be the most painful thing for her to feel, worse than what she felt in that parallel world imagining him moving on with other people and forgetting about her. No, she should not be thinking of such things at the moment. He cared about her, and that was enough for now. The rest would happen in its time.

The Doctor must have sensed her presence once he jerked his head up in her direction, his eyes expressing just what she imagined with just a bit of shock in his brown depths.

"I see you invaded my wardrobe," he commented with a grin.

Rose returned it and sauntered over to the sofa where he sat. "You're supposed to compliment me and say I look 'breathtaking,'" she said, tossing the scarf over her shoulder. The fez on her head slid off and found its place in his lap. "Whoops."

"Ah, my fez!" he exclaimed, picking it up and examining it before placing it on his head. "Haven't seen this for a few regenerations. Blimey, it's been a while. Did you happen to find my old umbrella as well?"

"No. Could open up your own shop if you wanted to. I wasn't expecting to find a fez, though. Why do you even have one?"

He arched an eyebrow. "One rule, Rose Tyler, is that you should never pass up a fez. They're brilliant!"

"Is it mandatory?"

"Well, no. Well…maybe not. Either way, I love my fez." He raised his hands and stroked the item on his head.

Rose laughed, noting how ridiculous he looked. A red fez with a brown pinstriped suit was not a stylish combination, but then again this was the Doctor she was talking about. "That's my fez. I took it so I could have something match my socks."

"No, my socks," the Doctor clarified. "And I'm going to want them back when you're done with them. Those are hard to find in my size."

"I'll make sure you get them back, Doctor," she said with a cheeky grin.

"I should hope so, you cheeky woman." He grabbed a hold of the scarf around her and tugged her down on the sofa with him, giving her a quick kiss. "Ready for the next memory?"

The Doctor hated seeing the light leave Rose's eyes at the mention of watching memories, but it had to be done. They both knew this next one would be another difficult one to say the least—the crash landing in Pete's World with the Cybermen. Hard though it was to experience that adventure again, he knew she needed to face it again. Then perhaps he could find out more about her time there and get her to open up a little more.

"Yeah," Rose replied with a quiet sigh.

Nodding, he took out his sonic and aimed it at the screen. It flicked for a moment, then the images came up. There they were, a lifetime ago, laughing on the jump seat while Mickey stood by the console with his finger on a button.


	46. Chapter 49

**Ok guys I'm back after a long break that I had not intended to take. but life got crazy, between work and my childs things and friends and romantic things, just no time to write and I was tired all the time. But as I work for the school system I am now off for summer vacation and the writing has began again. This chapter is for all of you that have waited i can promise there will be no gaps for the next little while. The next chapter will be off to my wonder beta tommorow again I am so sorry but i am back now.**

 **Side note went to Dallas fanexpo 2 weeks ago i cosplayed 10 and my 9 year old was rose tyler. we pet peter capadi jenna coleman michelle gomaz and arthur durvill got autographs from all 4 and a photo op with capadldi coleman and gomaz.**

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Rose snuggled into the Doctor's lap as she watched the memory on the screen. On the television was the both of them seated on the captain's chair reminiscing about past adventures. There had been a glow on her cheeks, something she hadn't seen while looking in the mirror for a long time. Creases from smiling so widely graced her face, laughter coming out with ease. It had been so simple back then, when she starting to develop something more than just a crush on the Time Lord. Granted, she had felt those feelings sooner, but after the escapades in France and the jealousy she wore from the encounter with Reinette, she knew that she was truly in love with the Doctor.

She watched as the memory went on. It wasn't just her actions she had been paying attention to. The Doctor had seemed more free spirited in those times—light in his eyes, a youthful soul in an ancient Time Lord body coming to life, blooming. And it was when he was around her. When she had returned to this world, she couldn't help but notice how much more raw he had become over the years—the way he kept his hair, the lines in his face becoming a bit deeper, his eyes seemingly older than they had once been. She had acknowledged it briefly before, but she had been dealing with her own inner turmoil and frustration to realize how deeply the effects of losing her had on him.

Now though, with them picking up where they left off and being bubbly, she saw that sprightly energy sparking back to life. It made her love him even more, knowing that it was all a result of her being in his presence.

Continuing to watch the memory, she felt her skin lose the glow that the Doctor had placed on her face from his tender kisses. She stared at the screen, inwardly shuddering. This would be her first time in Pete's World, even though they had not called it that yet. The Doctor must have sensed her growing apprehension because he reached a hand out and entwined their fingers together. He never spoke a word, but the gentle squeeze he offered her reassured her just the same.

The memory continued as the Doctor's voice filled the room. _"Ehm, what are you doing that for?"_ he asked Mickey.

 _"Because you told me to,"_ the other man replied.

 _"When was that?"_

 _"About half an hour ago"_

 _"Um, you can let go now."_

 _"Well, how long's it been since I could've stopped?"_

 _"Ten minutes? Twenty? Twenty nine?"_ The Doctor turned to Rose in the scene, a small smile on her face. His voice sounded pretty childish and patronizing towards Mickey, something that neither of them realized at the time.

 _"You just forgot me!_ " Mickey cried indignantly.

The Doctor frowned. Re-watching something from back then was quite the experience. He never noticed how rude he actually was. Then again, he never did. He was Mr. Rude and Not Ginger for a reason. He glanced over and saw a single tear escape from Rose's eye. Pausing the memory, he gently brought her closer to him to lightly brush it away with his free thumb. He knew that she would either talk to him about what they were watching or she would walk away. He was leaning towards the former since she was much stronger now. Silence would be what she needed at the moment so she could process her feelings into words.

"It's okay, Rose," he said softly. "You can speak to me when you want, you know that. What's the matter?"

Rose hesitated, then finally spoke up with a quiet voice. "We forgot about Mickey a lot in those first few weeks of him travelling with us. I was just…I was mad at him. I was mad at _you_ for letting him join us and that he wanted to come onboard."

"How come?"

"'Cause they were _my_ adventures, and you were _my_ Doctor. The old team—Shiver and Shake. I didn't wanna share any of it with anyone else. So I ignored Mickey in hopes that he would just up and leave for home again. Why did you let him come with us? What if things would have been different if he hadn't? I loved him, but I was so ignorant to him. Both of us were. We'd have our inside jokes like 'don't drop the banana', and he wouldn't get them. I wouldn't let him in on anything, I was jealous and worried that you would be replacing me, or trying to push me away into his arms." Her voice grew in frustration. "Were you trying to do that, Doctor? Did you know how I felt even when I barely knew it myself?"

The Doctor studied her carefully, noting the sadness and anger lingering in her eyes. She grew quiet, attempting to pull her hand from his grasp, but he kept it firm with another gentle squeeze. Truths like these were hard to sift through, but he knew he had to be honest with her. Two steps forward, two steps back.

He never liked going backwards in life, nothing good ever happened. The situation with River Song was proof of that, another thing that he wasn't looking forward to felling Rose. She wasn't going to like that story one bit knowing how that woman could possibly be his future wife by some odd chance. In all honesty, he didn't feel like it was the truth. It couldn't be, not when he felt things for Rose. He wasn't mentioning that now, it would be a terrible idea. He had enough guilt on his hands already. Taking a deep breath, he took Rose's other hand in his and held it tightly.

"Rose, I don't want to hurt you," he began gently. "It's the last thing I want to do, but…well…back then, I was a bit of an idiot—well, truthfully, I've _always_ been an idiot. And about Mickey…I was. I thought it was where you belonged."

She blinked, shaking her head. "But _why_ , Doctor?" she asked, sounding hurt.

Offering her one more squeeze, he dropped her hands to run one of his through his hair. "Because…I knew how you felt about me. Originally, I thought you had a small crush on me. You know, dashing Time Lord in a pinstriped suit and all." He preened for a moment, earning a hard look from her. He cleared his throat and turned serious again. "I thought you would move on from me, but then you were getting closer to me than anyone ever had, even when you might not have noticed yet. I could see it though. I'm over nine hundred years old. I've seen it happen countless times with other companions over the years, they all eventually moved on with their lives. I always hurt them even if I didn't want to. I've hurt so many people, things never ended well. I didn't want that to happen to you.

"So that time, I felt you deserved something better than me and tried to fix things. I thought we could just remain as friends and that you and Mickey would be back together and we'd continue travelling together. I didn't want to upset you or make you feel hurt. But then we ended up in Pete's World." He nodded at the frozen memory. "And then it happened. Everything we are about to watch Rose Tyler, everything that made me realize how blind I was. I knew how unhappy I would be if you stayed there, how much I'd miss you greatly—your smile, your laugh, your stubbornness, everything about little pink and yellow you.

"I stopped trying to push you away after that, and then it took everything I had knowing that you were falling for me that I could end up hurting you in the end. That one day where I would have to live on the rest of my life and have to leave you behind. I never wanted that to happen to _you_. So yes…I was trying to push you towards Mickey. I was only doing what I thought would be best for you, trying to give you the ideal normal human life—the children, a house with a fence and a yard for a dog to run around in. A life that I could pop by for a visit every now and then. A good life with no running." He sighed. "I was scared, Rose. I don't like endings, so I tried to ensure you had a happy one.

"I can't be sorry for what I thought back then, Rose. I was doing what I thought was best at the time. I was an idiot then, and I will always be an idiot. You taught me how to be a better man, but I didn't realize all you had done for me until you were gone, until I was standing in the console room and you were not with me, but on a beach a dimension away. Then it became my regret. That I couldn't see you again, and it pained me having to see you so far from my reach. All I wanted was for you to have the perfect life."

The Doctor studied Rose carefully, waiting for the outburst he knew was coming. He could see the hurt in her eyes, replacing the passion that filled them hours ago. He had just told her that he had tried to do exactly what she accused him of. It pained him having to see his precious Rose look like this. He knew being honest would be the best thing for them, but that didn't make it any less hard. He did what he did back then to ensure her safety, to give her the life that he could never give her. She deserved that much and more.

He stared at her for a few minutes, noting how she never moved nor blinked or even tried to pull her hands away from his. He sighed. She wasn't ready to talk just yet. He didn't want to shatter anything if it could never be pieced together again. She needed some space to think.

"Rose," he began gently. "If you need some space, you're free to come and talk when you're ready. We can come back here if you want and wait until you do. Whatever you want. I'm so sorry. I didn't wanna hurt you, I'd never do that to you. I just wanted to be honest with you."

She wasn't moving. Her eyes were trained on their joined hands. He figured that he would head off into the console room to tinker so she would have as much space that she needed for the moment.

"I'll be in the console room," he told her. "The Old Girl could use some repairs, so some fixin' up would do Her good. We can meet back in here later, if you want. Is that okay, Rose?"

Rose didn't give him an answer. The Doctor sighed before placing a chaste kiss to the top of her head before rising from the couch and slowly exiting the room.


	47. Chapter 50

**Thanks to my very cool cat of a beta batistaangel15, she really makes this story better. she is a super cool cat.**

 **So Hi all I bet you guys thought I was kidding about getting another chapter soon, but here it is chapter 48 and 49 is in the works. so this is another update for you guys and not even a week since the last one i hope you enjoy. thanks to all those who viewed, favorited or followed my story love you.**

 **Please leave a review you guys keep me writing.**

 **Allons-y**

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Rose remained on the couch, still in her spot. It had felt like hours passed her by, and in the TARDIS one could never really keep track. She tried to process everything the Doctor admitted and apologized for. She knew she hurt him when she didn't give a response, but she couldn't help herself. She tried to tell herself that he wasn't running away from this discussion, but her mind wasn't buying it. Maybe this was the moment where he realized that she was not worth it anymore, not worth the caliber of being someone more than just his friend. She knew it would come, much to her fears. After all, she was full of darkness and now the light just escaped every now and then.

She mentally cursed herself. She had been doing so well in recent weeks, had come such a long way since she came back to this world. They were finally coming to terms and getting closer than they ever had been, but now it felt like they fell back a step. Frustration built inside of her, growing stronger to the point where she was urged to fling the nearest object across the room. So she did. Picking up a glass cup on the side table, she tossed it. The shatter that followed was not nearly loud enough to drown out the warning voices in her head. It didn't ease her anger any, it only fueled it. She wanted to punch someone— _him_. She wanted to deck him for what he admitted to, but he had taken himself out of the line of fire.

The Doctor wanted her gone back then. He blatantly pushed her away to fall into Mickey's arms and live happily ever after like the normal _human_ life. He had been aware that she was falling for him and had done everything in his power to stop it, to avoid doing something that felt so domestic. That's what angered her the most—he wanted her to be with someone else. She never wanted that lifestyle. What would have happened if his plan worked? Well, truthfully, the plan was terrible and wouldn't have worked no matter what because she loved him. If he had kept pulling those stunts like French girls, kept talking about how she would wither and die, would she fall back in love with Mickey? If Mickey didn't stay in Pete's World, would that he her choice?

She knew that answer. Absolutely NOT.

But that was for right now. That Rose _back then_ was only a twenty-one former shop girl, and she wouldn't have stayed. She would have eventually become tired of what that Time Lord was doing. That twenty-one year old would've went into Mickey's arms and stop waiting for a bloke that would never have her. But she recalled his words when he told her that he wanted her safe. That's well and fine, but she already cut the ties to Mickey by then, and she wasn't going back to him. She wanted to stay with the Doctor, her actual love.

So why did it hurt so bad to know that's what he had been trying to achieve—her safety and her happiness? She understood his reasoning for his actions, but it still pained her. Maybe she was not mad at him as much as she was mad at herself. He had been trying to do the right thing for her and make sure she had a great life. That was the thing though—he was her life. She didn't want the house and carpets and slower approach. She wanted the stars, the galaxies, travelling with the one person she truly loved.

Rose sighed. They were both bleeding idiots—he was running and she was damaged by a past that she could not change. He had cared about her so much that he had wanted to see her settled in a proper house, pop in for tea every so often, then fly off in his stupid little blue box.

The TARDIS lights flickered harshly and a annoyed hum filled the air. She quickly realized her mistake and placed her hand to the wall.

"Sorry, Girl I'm not mad at you," Rose said gently. "I'm just trying to sort it out." The hum changed to that of soothing one, the lights dimming and returning to normal. She smiled sadly, patting the wall. "Thanks."

She leaned back on the sofa, her musings still figuring things out. How were they going to get through this? What they had was so new and fresh, something rejuvenating and lively. Did she ruin it by letting the guilt and darkness get the best of her? She really hoped not, but she also had a gut feeling that there would come a time when she would screw up and he would run away from her fast.

She needed to come to grips with what was going on now. After all, he could not change what he had tried to do. It happened. He apologized for it several times, but it still hurt. Her heart was falling for him no matter how hard she tried to keep it separate from this man. Even when he aggravated her and wanted to smack him, she still loved him. Rose took a deep breath and sat up. She thought about watching the rest of the memory to bring some clarity to the circumstances, but the Doctor wasn't back from tinkering yet. Did she dare go seek him out with the inevitable confrontation? She didn't feel ready just yet, but she also wanted him with her while the rest of the memory played out.

She stood to her feet, prepared to search for him when she thought it over. Maybe she could watch one of them on her own for once, to face it head-on and heal herself more. If things became too emotional for her, then she could switch it off. She lived through these already, even if it was so long ago. No, she could sit through this. Taking her spot again, Rose pressed the play button on the remote control. It picked up right where it had left off. The TARDIS had gone dark and started to violently shake before coming to an abrupt stop.

" _Everyone alright?" the Doctor asked. "Rose? Mickey?"_ She never realized how he checked on her first, catching him reaching for her to make sure she wasn't injured. How'd she miss that? His attention then turned to the ship. _"She's dead. The TARDIS is dead."_

Rose stared at herself on the screen, amazed that she was optimistic throughout the situation despite worried about the Doctor and the TARDIS. It was sad hearing the way he said the Old Girl was dead. His beloved ship had been with him for so many centuries, it was his his best friends and most faithful companion. Rose must have picked up on his distress since she said they could find help.

They had left the ship, Mickey beginning to explain parallel worlds to her like she was a child. She grinned. Poor Mickey. She had so rude to him in those days. They were good friends and used to laugh at each other, and then she became greedy and didn't want anyone else to have the experiences of travelling through time and space with the Doctor. She braced herself when her on-screen self discovered Pete was alive in that world. She felt numb. The conversation barely phased her, but then she saw the Doctor's face. It spoke volumes, and she never noticed it at the time.

 _"Rose, if you've ever trusted me, then listen to me now," he told her, sounding concerned. He put his hand to her face and gently turned her towards him, but her eyes kept falling on the poster with Pete. "Stop looking at it. Your father's dead. He died when you were six months old. That is not your Pete—that is a Pete. For all we know, he's got his own Jackie, his own Rose. His own daughter who is someone else, but not you. You can't see him. Not ever."_

How did she not realize how serious he was? He had the same look on his face like his previous incarnation's when they went backwards to the day her father died. Same look, different face. Her eyes widened, trying to stop the tears from coming. She watched herself and how she kept looking at the advertisement and not the Doctor. It was hard to witness it again with a different perspective, but she wanted to continue if it meant she'd be an emotional wreck afterwards.

The screen then showed the interior of the TARDIS. She didn't remember this happening, but figured this occurred while she was outside roaming around and getting her free download. Mickey had already occupied the ship, but then the Doctor's voice filled the room.

 _"I told you to keep an eye on her," he chastised._

 _"She's all right," Mickey replied._

 _"She goes wandering off. Parallel world, it's like a gingerbread house—all those temptations calling out." He was worried for her, and she thought that was sweet, but he sounded like she needed a babysitter._

 _"Oh, so it's just Rose, then?" Mickey retorted. "Nothing out there to tempt me?"_

 _"Well, I don't know, I can't worry about everything. If I could just get this thing to…" She watched as the Doctor kicked the console._

 _"Did that help?" Mickey asked sarcastically._

 _"Yes," the Doctor answered. God, he was so stubborn._

 _"Did that hurt?"_

 _"Yes. Ow." He grabbed his foot, his face twisted in slight pain. Rose snorted. He could be such a baby at times. She noticed how his pained expression deepened, his voice becoming sorrowful. "We're not meant to be here. The TARDIS draws its power from the universe, but it's the wrong universe. It's like diesel in a petrol engine."_

 _"But I've seen it in comics. People go hopping from one alternative world to another. It's easy."_

Rose watched the Doctor, feeling the air around her change as he began to speak of his people _. "Not in the real world. It used to be easy. When the Time Lords kept their eye on everything, you could hop between realities, home in time for tea. Then they died, and took it all with them. The walls of reality closed, the worlds were sealed. Everything became that bit less kind."_

 _"Then how did we get here?"_

 _"I don't know. Accident? Should've been impossible. Now we're trapped. What's that?" Rose noticed his voice change to that of his natural curiosity. She followed his gaze on screen and saw a small green light._

Mickey, however, didn't. _"What?"_

 _"That, there. Is that a reflection? It's a light! Is it? Is that a light? I think that's a light. That's all we need. We've got power! Mickey, we've got power! Ha!" His voice was now its normal manic self, not a trace of the sadness left. He was relieved beyond belief that he had a way to get them home. "It's alive!"_

 _"What is it?"_

 _"It's nothing. It's tiny. One of those insignificant little power cells that no one ever bothers about, and it's clinging onto life, with one little ounce of reality tucked away inside."_

 _"Enough to get us home?"_

 _"Not yet. I need to charge it up."_

 _"We could go outside and lash it up to the National Grid."_

 _"Wrong sort of energy. It's got to come from our universe."_

 _"But we don't have anything."_

 _"There's me."_ Rose watched as the Doctor cradled the green cell in his hands and blew on it. Her eyes widened in amazement when the small light became brighter, shining over his excited face. _"I just gave away ten years of my life. Worth every second."_

While she had not known that and she appreciated how he found a way home, that little incident was going to earn him a slap. That was ten years she may not have with him now.

The light died down. _"It's going out,"_ Mickey said. _"Is that okay?"_

 _"It's on a recharging cycle,"_ the Doctor informed. _"It'll loop round, power back up and be ready to take us home in, oh twenty-four hours?"_ She had no idea how he calculated those things. She usually believed he made a lot of it up, but he was brilliant.

 _"So that gives us twenty four hours on a parallel world?"_ Mickey asked. Rose noticed a look on his face, thinking he might have already made up his mind.

 _"Shore leave. As long as we keep our heads down. Easy. No problem. Let's go and tell her."_ The Doctor was so cocky when he preened, walking with that swagger. Why did she find that so attractive? Then the memory showed the two men meeting up with her. _"There you are. You all right? No applause. I fixed it. Twenty four hours, then we're flying back to reality. What is it?"_

She looked at herself. The on-screen her was trying so hard to not appear guilty, even though she had no reason to be since she didn't download the network on purpose.

 _"Rose, whatever it says, this is the wrong world,"_ the Doctor told her.

 _"I don't exist._ " Hearing herself say that was hard. It felt the same as when she was left on the beach both times, like she never existed. She had blinked out of one world and into another and no one had even noticed she was gone. She jerked from her musings to hear her next words. _"I just want to see him."_

 _"I can't let you."_ He was so worried, she could see it in his eyes even if his voice was harsh.

 _"You just said twenty four hours!"_

 _"You can't become their daughter, that's not the way it works. Mickey, tell her."_

Mickey always backed her up, but he was working on an escape plan of his own. _"Twenty four hours, yeah?"_

 _"Where're you going?"_

 _"Well, I can do what I want."_

 _"I've got the address and everything."_

The poor alien, she thought. He was put through hell, even as smart as he was. He trying to reason with two stubborn humans at the same time, and that was next to impossible. _"Stay where you are, both of you. Rose, come back here! Mickey, come back here right now!"_

 _"I just want to see him,"_ her on-screen self said.

 _"Yeah, I've got things to see and all,"_ Mickey put in.

 _"Like what?"_ the Doctor asked.

 _"Well, you don't know anything about me, do you? It's always about Rose. I'm just a spare part."_ Rose winced at the statement. One more thing she owed Mickey an apology for. _"I'm sorry. I've got to go. Go on, then. There's no choice, is there? You can only chase after one of us. It's never going to be me, is it?"_

Rose's breath stopped. She knew Mickey was aware that she had feelings for the Doctor, but hearing them so bluntly and to the Time Lord's face shocked her. _"Back here, twenty-four hours!"_

And just like that, she realized something he had chased after her. She paused the memory and started to get up to go and find him. She was still upset with him, but even back then when he was fighting his feelings he still had chosen her. Just as she turned towards the door, she froze.

 _"I'm sorry for Mickey, but he was right,"_ the Doctor said, standing in the threshold. _"There was no choice. It was always going to be you, Rose Tyler."_


	48. Chapter 51

**Thanks to my great and amazing Beta batistaangel15 she just does a fantastic job.**

 **Thanks to all who have read and reviewed please keep doing so it makes my day. Here is chapter 49 hope you enjoy.**

 **and please review, review, review. if i say it thrice hopefully you shall do it. thanks in advance I look foward to your thoughts.**

 **Allons-y**

* * *

Ten minutes, it had been. The Doctor had stood in the doorway of the media room for exactly ten minutes and twenty-two second as he watched Rose continue playing the memory of their adventure in Pete's World. He had finished tinkering early and wanted to check on her. He came in expecting her to still be in the catatonic state he had left her in, but was both surprised and relieved that she was watching the memory by herself. He was proud of her taking a new step further down her road to recovery, especially after his confession took them both a step back. Yet here she was, pulling herself five steps forward.

That was his Rose—she was strong.

He dared himself not to speak while he stood and watched, fearing he would startle her and stop the forward progression she had made on her own. That wasn't something he wanted, so he waited until she would either pause the memory or finish it. Emotions flooded her features, flickering between hurt and sadness and happiness and enjoyment. Mostly hurt, he could tell. He knew this wasn't easy for her. He dreaded the moment for when they would experience the events of what happened at Canary Wharf. Next to being universes apart, this current adventure was also tough. But Rose was getting through it, being the brave pink and yellow girl that she is.

It was then the memory paused, but she had turned around and spotted him before he could make his presence known. That didn't stop him from speaking the truth from his hearts.

"It was always going to be you, Rose Tyler," he said softly. "Even with everything I felt—the wrong things like pushing you away—it was going to be _you_. Nobody could compare to you, Rose." He nodded at the screen. "This was the moment—this _very minute_ of memory when things became clear to me, where I slowed down to a jog instead of running, screaming into the night. The moment I decided to come after you instead of going after Mickey. We both know I should have gone with him since he was new to the travelling and didn't know the rules, but I chose you, Rose Tyler, even though you could have handled yourself. Back then when I wasn't thinking so clearly, I made myself believe it was because you would need me more, and I had full intentions of keeping you away from that world's Pete and Jackie. But later when we were back, I knew that I had gone with you because I needed that hand to hold, and knew it was because it was better with two."

Rose fell silent, too much for his liking. It worried him when she got like this, and it reminded him of his previous self—broody and defiant. She took a few deep breaths, her chest constricting with every release before walking around the couch and approaching him. He stood in his place, feeling his legs trembling a bit. He supposed he was terrified that she was going to brush him aside and continue to her room.

That's why he didn't see the sharp slap coming his way ans forcing him back a foot. His hand came up to rub his cheek. Blimey, she hit like her mother.

"Okay," he began. "I'm sure I deserved that, but why?"

What came next shocked him more when she placed a tender kiss to his lips. "The slap, Doctor, was for giving away ten years of your life to get us back home—ten years less with you, even if it was for a good cause. The kiss was because you chose me. Even with all you were denying, you still picked me."

The Doctor smirked, placing a hand to her cheek. "You, Rose Tyler, continually shock and amaze me, and I wouldn't have it any other way." He placed a gentle kiss to her lips before giving her a tight hug, his voice low. "Rose, I am truly sorry. More than I could ever tell you. Should we watch the rest?"

She sighed. "Yeah," she replied.

Pulling away from each other, he took her hand and led them back to their spots on the couch. Rose settled beside him with her head against his shoulder, inhaling his scent that brought her comfort like nothing else could do. The Doctor started the memory from where it left off, and she prepared herself.

 _"Mickey's mum just couldn't cope," her on-screen self was telling the on-screen Doctor. "His dad hung around for a while, but then he just sort of wandered off. He was brought up by his gran. She was such a great woman. God, she used to slap him! And then she died. She tripped and fell down the stairs. It's about five years ago now. I was still in school."_

 _"I never knew."_

 _"Well, you never asked."_

 _"You never said."_

 _"That's Mickey. I suppose I—we just take him for granted. Do you think she's still alive, his gran?"_

 _"Could be. Like I said—parallel world, gingerbread house. We need to get out of here as fast as we can."_

Rose pressed her body closer to his warmth and let out a laugh of relief. "I guess I did know how I was treating him," she murmured out loud. "At least this shows me that what I remember in my head may not always be right. Not that I don't owe him an apology, I never did that—not when I first got left here, and then he was back to this world without me knowing. Did you know he never mentioned it once to me he just made the decision to leave? And I had to clean up the mess he left behind. Well, Pete did, I was in no shape to. I think the other you helped some."

She never even noticed that the memory had paused as she continued to ramble about things. The Doctor was pretty sure it was a defense mechanism, a new one that she had developed, which was quite the breakthrough. Rose used to bottle things up, then she exploded and cried. Now she was moving on to the rambling phase, admitting things. Even though he was proud to see her that way, her muses would surely distract her from the memories within, and she needed to hold onto those. She needed to stop talking so he could resume the memory, but he was so enchanted with her. She sounded so much like him at the moment, and it was adorable. But nonetheless, they needed to move on. He reached over and lightly placed his hand over her mouth, her eyes widening in surprise.

"We will go visit Mickey again soon, and you can say sorry," he told her gently. "Okay?" She nodded as a response. "I'm gonna start the memory again, alright?"

Once more, she nodded. The Doctor removed his hand from her mouth and she proceeded to snuggle back into his side. He rested his head against hers, nuzzling her hair and letting her scent surround him. He pressed play and the memory continued.

 _"What're they all doing?" the on-screen Doctor asked, looking around the crowded street he and Rose were walking through._

 _"They've stopped," she said._

 _"It's the earpieces. Like Bluetooth attachments, but everyone's connected together."_

 _"It's on my phone. It's automatic, look. It's downloading. Is this what they're all getting? News, international news, sports, weather."_

 _"They get it direct. Downloaded right into their heads."_

 _"TV schedules, lottery numbers."_

 _"Everyone shares the same information. A daily download published by Cybus Industries."_

 _"You lot, you're obsessed. You'd do anything for the latest upgrade."_

 _"Oi, not my lot. Different world, remember."_

 _"It's not so far off your world. This place is only parallel. Oh, look at that. Cybus Industries, owners of just about every company in Britain, including Vitex. Mister Pete Tyler's very well connected. Oh, okay. I give up. Let's go and see him."_

Rose inwardly snorted. Her on-screen self had batted her eyelashes at the Doctor and placed her chin on his shoulder, trying to convince him to let them go find Pete. Using every bit of her female flirtations to get him to do what he knew he must not, but in the end his own curiosity is what made him agree. His spidey senses had been tingling, and now that she looked at them she knew in her heart he had only gone because he knew something was knocked askew in Pete's World. That was what the Doctor would do—dive right into the mix. It was one of the many things she had grown to love about him back then. She refocused her eyes to the screen and felt the shudder start from her toes and run straight up her spine. On the screen was what her home would soon become.

Through that front door and up the stairs, four doors to the right was her bedroom. Not yet, of course, but the events that had led to her being trapped there the first time. Her room that had been painted TARDIS Blue, but held no hum, no console room, and most importantly, no Doctor. That room had been her salvation and her damnation—her home and her prison. Rose could feel the first couple of tears slip free. She didn't know if she was strong enough to face this now, but she knew she had to try. She forced the memories back and concentrated on the screen, willing herself to stay strong and pulling herself even closer to the man sitting next to her until she was nearly in his lap.

The Doctor felt her shudder, knowing how much seeing the house would be hard for her. He practically smelled the salt of her tears, felt her spine stiffening as she forced herself to carry on. He was going to tell her that he could see it, but refrained. She was being strong, and he admired that greatly. Even with her emotions teetering on the edge he enjoyed as she had snuggled in closer. It was wonderful and arousing, he had to admit. Wait, stop! He wanted to kick himself for thinking that way when this was a healing moment for Rose. His control was very slippery where she was concerned. He applied himself to the task at hand, offering her comfort as the memory played on.

 _"We could have been anyone."_

 _"Got us in, didn't it?"_

 _"You're in charge of the psychic paper. We could've been guests. Celebrities. Sir Doctor, Dame Rose. We end up serving. Did enough of this back home."_

 _"If you want to know what's going on, work in the kitchens. According to Lucy, that man over there"_

 _"Who's Lucy?"_

 _"She's carrying the salmon pinwheels."_

 _"Oh, that's Lucy, is it?"_

 _"Yeah. Lucy says, that is the President of Great Britain."_

 _"What, there's a President, not a Prime Minister?"_

 _"Seems so."_

 _"Or maybe Lucy's just a bit thick."_

Rose gasped at herself on screen. Dear god, she had been dripping with jealousy and trying to pass it off as snobbish—her voice, her actions. It was no wonder he had figured out she had feelings. She knew she was jealous of Sarah Jane, but this was even beyond that. She didn't even know the girl he had spoken about and had just taken a look and green that had filled her vision. She moved away from him a bit, angry at her young self for acting like such a fool.

The Doctor noticed her shift, and gently eased her into his lap. "It's alright, Rose," he said softly. "Truth be told, I kind of liked the fact you were protective of me like that. Didn't wanna like it, but oh Rose, I simply adored those moments when you got like this. You were quite adorable when you would be seething a bit. I told you I had feelings for you, I just didn't wanna voice them. But our trips together played through my mind almost all the time, and this was one of my favorites. You being mad at somebody you didn't know that I spoke a few words to really showed…really showed how much you feel for me as well."

She met his eyes and smiled softly. "I relived certain memories myself," she told him. "That first time after Norway. But this was never one."

He smiled at her and brushed his lips against hers before they both settled back down to watch the rest of the memory.

It played out the rest of the way ending with on-screen Rose crying in her mother's arms, to which Rose of now began doing the same in the Doctor's. With that one adventure down, they both felt that some healing had been done. Rose had spoken to him of her feelings towards Pete and how she had felt abandoned by Mickey when he had chosen to stay. They talked for hours about how she had felt on that trip and she confessed about something related to her old phone, the one they had left with Mickey, that had been her salvation when she had fallen through the wall. It had photos of them on it. Mementos of their adventures together. Her mother had printed them out and given them to her to keep as a reminder of what she had been fighting for to get back to him.

When they went to bed that night, they both felt a lot better. Before the Doctor fell asleep he decided that a trip was in order until they would start the next memories. The only question was where he wanted to tale Rose. It deserved to be a special place, one where the memories would be even grander. The idea suddenly came to him while she slept in his arms. His old leather jacket was laying beside her, and it had clicked. There was one place where he had wanted to take her for so long but forgot to while being caught up in other wonderful locations in the universe.

It was time to take her to go see dogs with no noses, and to give her a first date she would always remember.

* * *

 **HEY MISSY YOU SO FIND YOU BLOW MY MIND HEY MISSY NOW REVIEW AND I WILL GIVE YOU A BANANA IF YOU DONT REVIEW YOU GET A PEAR.**


	49. Chapter 52

**Thanks as always to my amazing beta** batistaangel15 **go check out her stuff please and thank you.**

 **Thanks to all those still reading, please drop a review you know you want to please, please, please. to all of those who are following or faved the story thank you. No pears for you guys. well with out further ado I give you chapter 50 of see you.**

 **Allons-y**

* * *

Rose dressed as the Doctor had asked her to, slipping on some jeans and a t-shirt. She acquired the bag that he made for her—bigger on the inside, naturally—held a nice dress and shoes. He wouldn't tell her where they were going. All he had said when she had pestered him about it was that they were having a date. An actual date. Not that their trip to see the end of the world wasn't one, because it was. This was going to become another special date, she believed. She was excited.

The man had taken her across galaxies, through meteor showers, to the past and to the end of the world twice, but he had never taken her on a normal date. They had really done this backwards. She ran away with a man she had barely known and fell in love with him, was lost to another world, then found him again only to be left behind all over. They had kissed a bunch of times before taking things any further, but typically dates happened before those and running off with a mad man in a box. However she had never been typical, and backwards seemed to work for them in this case. She just wished she knew where he was taking her. She didn't fancy landing on a planet with serpents or anything to interrupt their special time. Not that she didn't like trouble, but they needed a small break away from it.

Maybe if she asked the TARDIS nicely since they were connected She would let her in on the surprise. Girl power and all. Rose gently ran her fingers against the wall and felt the hum in her mind.

"Where's he takin' us, Sexy?" she asked.

The humming got a little louder and broke up a bit, sounding like a laugh.

"Think it's funny when I call you sexy, eh? Well, you like it when he does it."

The lights flickered once and Rose laughed out loud.

"Okay, I can see that. It's his pet name for you. I guess I can understand why you don't want me saying it. After all, I wouldn't like him calling somebody else pink and yellow. So you going to tell me where he's taken me, sweetheart."

A more rhythmic hum came to her, but it didn't give her an idea.

"Okay fine, be that way. I'll just go see if I can figure out the coordinates." Rose stuck her tongue out in general at the wall. She was still trying to define what her connection was with the ship, but if she had to guess at the moment she would say they were siblings in a sense, and she was the annoying little sister.

Heading out of her room, she made her way to the console room where the Doctor was waiting for her. She came to a sudden stop at the doorway, shocked by what she saw. Her Doctor wasn't wearing his usual pinstripes—he was wearing _jeans._ Dark blue jeans that were fitted so nice on him and did even more amazing things to his bum than before. He was bent over the controls in concentration, and she felt the tingle of lust start from the bottom and work its way up.

It wasn't right for a bloke or alien to look that damn good in a pair of jeans. Not to mention a big part of her wanted to know what he looked like without them.

The Doctor sensed Rose as soon as she walked in the room, but continued to fiddle with the coordinates. He was going to jump them around some so she wouldn't be able to gather where they were heading. That's what made mystery tours more fun. He had meant what he had told her that he wanted it to be a surprise. When he finally turned around to acknowledge her presence, he was stunned to see the lust in her eyes and her mouth hanging open.

He glanced down at himself, trying to figure what was making her act this way so he could do it again some time, but the only thing different was the fact that he was in jeans. Well, tight jeans. That seemed to be what was working for Rose Tyler. He smirked, noting how her eyes were still stuck to where his bum would have been. It was times like these where he wished he could read minds because whatever she was thinking was something he wanted to know. However since he couldn't, he simply cleared his throat.

"My eyes are up here, Rose," he said, gesturing at his face.

She shook herself from the trance and the enchanted pink shade he loved so much crept over her cheeks. She bit her lip then walked towards him. He blocked the screen as she tried to look over his shoulder. "Where are we going, Doctor?"

"Can't tell you that."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Come on, just give in already and tell me." She poked his shoulder and tried to push him aside.

"Uh-uh-uh, no can do," he said, shaking his head. "That would ruin the surprise."

"Even if I did this?"

She grabbed him by the lapels of his shirt and brought his mouth down to for a hard kiss. He reciprocated gladly with equal fervor, his hands burying themselves in her hair. The moment seemed to last for a short while until they had shifted positions with her back being pressed against the console before he lifted her up to sit on the edge of the panel. The Doctor drew away to let Rose catch her breath before he dived back in for another taste. When they broke apart he was panting heavily, and she could tell just how much he was enjoying this by the evidence clear between her.

She had started the kiss as a way to get him to move where she could see the screen, but it had quickly escalated and her plan had fogged to the back of her head. Now that it ceased, her mind was returning. He swallowed hard and took a step back as she hopped down with a tiny grin on her face. His eyes were dark and his breath still shallow, trying to regain control of himself. She just loved that she could make him lose it sometimes. While he was distracted she took the open opportunity to glance at the monitor, gasping when she recognized the name across the screen.

Barcelona—the planet, that was.

Ages ago, back before the Doctor had regenerated into the man he is now, he had talked about taking her to see the dogs with no noses there. They had never been able to go however because, at the time, he had changed and she wanted to go see her mother for a little bit to catch her bearings. Rose inwardly sighed to herself. It was going to be so much fun. She wondered what dogs with no noses looked like, and what the planet had to offer besides them. If it even resembled Barcelona the city of her time at all.

The Doctor grinned cheekily. He knew she was going to kiss him as a form of distracting him, so why wouldn't he let her act on her thoughts? He was a clever man, after all, and he wouldn't dare pass up on the chances to have those lips on his. He wasn't top worried about her getting a Look at the screen to figure out where they were going. It was in Gallifreyan, and he was the only person onboard that could read it.

"Oh, Doctor," Rose breathed. "Barcelona? That's fantastic! Dogs with no noses. Can we go now?"

His brows raised in surprise. That was impossible. How could she have been able to _read_ his home language and _understand_ it? Maybe it was the TARDIS helping her out with the translation. The ship hummed in his mind, annoyed. _"Okay, sexy, it wasn't you. Sorry,"_ he thought. He walked around the floor and pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to her. "Rose, what does this say?"

" _'Don't go to Midnight no matter what,'_ " she read quickly. "Doctor, why are you giving me a reading test? I wanna go to Barcelona. We can read later, I promise."

He was impressed. More than impressed, just amazed. So it was possible for her to read Gallifreyan. The question was should he press this now or wait until later? Seeing the excitement in her eyes sealed his answer. It wasn't an emergency, they could do that later. He would be keeping this unkind though, his curiosity and amusement would last him a few more hours. He had a date to keel with this beautiful miracle of a woman, and nothing else was going to keep them from delaying their plans.

But there was one thing he needed to do first. Surreptitiously, he removed a tiny yellow post-it note just below the screen while she wasn't looking. One he had written long ago: _'Tell Rose you love her, you idiot.'_

The Doctor quickly stuffed it in one of his pockets and pulled the panel's lever, sending them off into the vortex. When the rotor stopped wheezing, he held out his hand. "Right then! Allons-y, Rose Tyler! Barcelona awaits."


	50. see you 50

**Ok guys chapter 50 of See you. And I will tell you this chapter completes this part of See you. However their story is far from over. Keep your eyes peeled for the sequel. See me. However I felt that at 50 chapter 90,000 words was more than enough for Part 1 and we are fastly moving into season 3 which means you guys get more of the Doctors emotions and Rose trying to heal and help him. We will also see what Rose did in Pete's world leading up to her finding her way back to him.**

 **I want to thank my amazing betas that I have had for this story, The Big Cat was the first beta I had and was also my first review to the story and while both are life's got crazy and I had to use another beta to finish she will always hold a special place in my writing process of this story. And to my current Beta** **batistaangel15** **you have been amazing thanks to you my last part of my story is amazing you added in little things that made all the difference and helped with my commas and line breaks. Without you this would have never been finished thank you so much. I look forward to working with you for See Me.**

 **To all of you who have read, reviewed followed or favorited in the last year. Words cannot express my joy of reading your comments or opening my email and having a new follow or favorite. Thank you for all your kind words over the year please continue to read and review it makes all the difference. I hope to see you all for See Me.**

 **A special thank you to** **brandini861 We met through this story you a faithful reviewer and me a writer with ideas, somehow that led us to facebook and then the phone and now we talk almost everyday. Thank you for all the reviews and faith in me and my story. I know you will be reading the next one.**

 **WIth out further fanfare here is chapter 50 please as always review and make it a good one eh.**

 **Allons-y**

Rose stepped out of the TARDIS onto a grassy surface, taking in the the vibrant colors of the sunset over the horizon—various shades of orange and yellow, the perfect contrast to the pale lavender sky. All of the hues just melded together, giving her a sense of peace that she hadn't felt in a long time. She took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent that reminded her of hot chocolate and fireplaces and pine trees. Just like Christmas—warm, caring, and wonderful.

The Doctor came out of the ship to stand beside her, taking in their surroundings as well. "Ah, here we go!" he proclaimed. "Barcelona, 46th century. Take in that marvelous view, eh? A planet of peace and tranquility and, if you're lucky enough to find some, bartala fruit. Juicy stuff, molto bene! We can look for a stand to find some later, then see the dogs with no noses. And even appreciate the sky at nighttime."

"It's beautiful, Doctor," Rose breathed out. She looked up at him. "You know… even after all those years of travelling with you, I've never really gotten used to this. It always feels like I'm dreaming. 'S weird, but in spite of everything that's happened and everything we've done and will do, I'll always love travelling with you."

He smiled softly at her, her words reminiscent of their first adventure together in New New York after he regenerated. Whether or not she realized she was doing it was unknown to him, but it didn't matter. That was enough for him at the moment.

"It _is_ very beautiful, Rose," the Doctor replied before adding fondly, "just not as much as you."

Rose blushed a little and he threw her a wink. Reaching for her hand, he threaded their fingers together then chose the direction in which they could start walking in. Once he made his decision they began to walk and he swung their joined hands in the space between them. He was so glad that he came up with the idea of coming to this planet. He forgot just how splendid Barcelona was. It's been awhile since he last stepped foot on this land, not since travelling with Sarah Jane and accidentally materializing on it. He always planned to come back one day but never got around to it. But now he can share this with Rose and give her a proper date with no trouble.

"Doctor, where you takin' me?" Rose asked.

"To dinner, Rose Tyler," the Doctor replied brightly, bringing them to a stop. "I'm taking you to dinner."

Before them was a massive building looming over the hill they had walked over, decorated with elegant trimming and shining ornaments. He opened the doors for them to enter, and Rose gasped at the interior. The room was dimly lit, the source being the candles that floated in the air above the tables. Soft instrumental music played in the distance that made her want to date along to the rhythm. Taking in the extravagance of the restaurant made her a bit self conscious. She wasn't dressed for a place on this high level of elegance and stature, and neither was the Doctor.

"I don't know," she said quietly. "I'm not really dressed right—"

"You look phenomenal," he assured her warmly. "You're dressed more than appropriately enough, Rose. C'mon, can't order anything from here."

Before she could talk any further, he led them over to the main desk where one of the workers took care of them. She expected the worker to make a comment on how ridiculous their clothes appeared to them and didn't fit the restaurant standards, but they were ushered to their table without any second thoughts and presented with menus.

"When you take a girl out, you really take her out, don't you?" Rose asked quietly as they looked over their food options.

"Weeeeell, I've never took anyone out on a date before," the Doctor admitted, running a hand through his hair. "At least not a real date. Well, not one that I paid for. Or… one in this body anyway. Still though, first time for everything. And who better to start with than you, Rose Tyler."

She could feel the blush heat her skin as she nodded at his ramblings. He was really trying to do this with her—the Doctor, a Time Lord who didn't do domestics. He was actually attempting something an ordinary bloke would do. It was fantastic and a bit scary.

"Doctor, you know you don't _have_ to do this for me," she said. "I like you just the way you are, you know that right?"

"But I want to," he told her. "You deserve so much more, and for one night I'm going to give it to you. No monsters, no aliens, no world coming to an end or any nefarious plots, and especially no running. Even left the sonic back on the TARDIS in order to avoid any temptations."

Rose arched a brow. "Temptations?"

He leaned forward, speaking quietly as if imparting a secret. "Quite frankly, many of the appliances and silverware here could use some jiggery-pokery."

She giggled. "You'd get us thrown out."

"Which isn't how I want this date to go. Not for you, Rose. You deserve the absolute best. And there's some amazing nibbles and dishes prepared here!"

"The waiter hasn't even come by yet."

"Oh! No need! Did I forget to explain to you—I must have explained, I'm sure I did, and even if I didn't then I will now— that I thought the room gave you a small hint." He pointed up. "The candles above us remind you of something? Eh?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "You're pulling my leg now. This isn't like Harry Potter, Doctor."

"Of course it is!" he chirped. "Well, not literally, we'd have spells being thrown out of each corner of the room, but it's a fun little appearance. You love Harry Potter, and I thought this would be fun! You just look at your plate and tell it what you want, and then BAM! Bam, did I say 'bam'?" He grimaced. "Don't like that, don't let me say 'bam' again. But anyway, I'll show you." He glanced down and asked for pork chops, mashed potatoes and green beans. No sooner after he stopped talking the food appeared on his plate.

Rose giggled. "If you tell me the dogs with no noses are like house elves prepping my food, I'm gonna smack you," she joked.

He let out a bark of laughter that had other tables turning around to look at him. "I promise no dogs with or without noses will be making your meal, Rose." He began playing with his green beans like Tony would at the dinner table back in Pete's World. It made her want to tease him and his toddler-like tendencies.

"Doctor, you going to play with those or eat them?"

The Doctor raised his head up sullenly, causing her to burst into giggles. "Rose, don't laugh at me," he said. "I hate green beans, they're just so… green. Why did I order them? They're nasty."

Rose just continued to laugh and shared her amusement with him over the rest of their magical dinner, explaining how much Tony hated green beans as well. Continuing with the conversation, she spoke more about her little brother's antics. The Doctor was so glad that she was starting to talk about her family. He was still working on a way to let her say goodbye to them in the other world. She deserved to give them a proper goodbye, so he would do all he could to figure it out. It was Rose, and he could do anything for her. The way she talked about her brother showed that the harsh words she had said weeks earlier were just said in anger. The puzzle of who Rose Marion Tyler had become was being solved, and the pieces were starting to fit firmly into place.

He was so happy to know that his precious pink and yellow human was coming around to being the Rose he had known back then, the true her. Not just that, but he was also beginning to realize that parts of her were never going to be the same as she had been. She went through many changes, had grown and matured in ways that were complex, had dealt with things that few people could ever experience. But that was okay because he was different as well, and together they could and would do miraculous things. After all, people were always changing and growing. That's what made it good.

After they finished dinner, the Doctor took Rose outside for a walk throughout the city square. The sunset was just looking over the horizon by a distant hill, the vibrant colors surprisingly warming them up from the faint chill in the air, if that were even possible. As they walked, they noticed a small band playing music beside an area beneath a gazebo.

The Doctor looked over at Rose and offered her a hand. "May I have this dance, m'lady?" he asked with an affected accent.

She chuckled quietly. "Charming." She slowly took it as he led her to the center.

Still taking the lead, he kept his eyes trained on her as he began to move along to the rhythm, warming up as she followed his steps. Her hazel eyes were captivating, making his hearts flutter. He couldn't look away even if he tried to, and he never would. Their closeness added more to the swaying to the music, melding them perfectly in each other's arms. The longer he stared into her eyes, the more he felt like he was drowning in her gaze. When he was ears and leather it had been her eyes that enchanted him from the start, and they still gave off the same effect after all these years. They were quite mesmerizing, whether being filled with fury or sparkling with pleasure and happiness.

Gently pulling her closer, he whispered in her ear, "Have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are, Rose?"

Rose shivered slightly, feeling relaxed. "No," she replied quietly.

"Well, they are. You take my breath away in a way that I never thought was possible. I can see whole galaxies come to life and fade out the longer I stare into them. Do you remember all those times I would wake you up so we could go somewhere? Seeing your eyes open in the morning set light into the day for me."

"How can you tell this to me now? What's so different that you tell me these things now instead of back then? Back when I needed to hear it more than anything?" She pulled back, shaking her head. "It's not fair."

The Doctor studied her expression, hoping the sympathy he was feeling would radiate off of him and come over her. For so many years he wished he could tell him everything that was on his mind, everything that had to do with her and the things she did to him. The reasons why he cared for her. Loved her. He was too much of a coward back then, and he still was. But they both have endured trials to get to where they were now, have become closer than how they were in the past. And they were just getting started with this deeper relationship, so he had time to tell her everything else she deserved to hear from him.

"I know, Rose," he sighed. "I should've told you so much more back then. Maybe… maybe had I done so and realized how blind I was and stupid I had been for not letting you know how I really felt about you, then perhaps you wouldn't have gone through all of the pain that you had to suffer with."

Rose's eyes searched his, noting his honesty and sincerity. "You can't know that," she whispered.

"Okay, maybe I don't. One thing I do know is that I'm so sorry about everything you went through, everything I've done to you—"

"'S not your fault," she cut in. "I don't want you feeling guilty for what I went through in that parallel world."

The Doctor scrubbed a hand down his face, gathering his response. "But it hurts me, Rose. You didn't deserve any of that. I know we've moved past what we did back then, with the jealousy and the lack of awareness, and all the other things we did instead of letting each other work things out like we were meant to. I just… I wanna make up for lost time. For all of the times where I never told you how I felt when I should've. For every time I wanted to kiss you, and hold you, and talk to you and know even more about you. I can't go back and fix what happened in the past, so the present is all I've got for us. To make a better future for you."

He moved his eyes across her face before gently meeting her lips with his. It was soft, tender, slow and savory, and hopefully forgiving. He's apologized countless times for everything she had been put through in the other world, but it didn't ease up the guilt he held inside. He was trying to move away from the darkness and find a light, and this lovely human was the counterbalance to everything wrong with him. She made him so much better, and he wanted to return the favor. He lost her twice, something so painful that it could make his hearts break at any time he thought about it again. But now they were starting over, picking up the pieces that were shattered. They were having a new beginning, a moment of rebirth.

Rose felt herself still swaying in a circle as they kissed beneath the moonlight with the music behind them, the Doctor taking it slow and steady. Of all of the kisses they'd shared, this was the most beautiful to date. Different, but a good different. It felt like they were just discovering each other for the first time, and it made her insides warm up. Seeing this side of the Time Lord seemed too good to be true, something that her dreams would conjure up, but he was really committed into what they had. He wanted to make this work, and she admired it. Loved it. It was exciting and wonderful, just like their night had been.

She hoped this evening would never end, not wanting the real world to crash down on her and this new leaf they've turned. This was what it was all about. She realized at this moment that when the running stopped and the world stilled for a minute, things could change and move forward to begin again. She wasn't fully healed from the pain, but she knew that she would be in time. Just like him. They were both healing, so they needed to be there for each other when they really needed the comfort.

Breaking the kiss for the moment, Rose stared into the Doctor's eyes, the softness making her shiver. She placed a hand on his chest between his heart's, nodding. "I'll take what I can get. 'Cause you know what, Doctor? You're worth it."

His smile was so gentle she thought her heart would break. She leaned up and kissed him again, feeling him happily return it. There was still pain inside of them, the anger and untold still stories on both of their parts. Things to learn and talk about, but for just this moment she let all of that go and just swayed in his arms in the moonlight. They could get through this, she knew they could. Because those words she just told him were the truth. He was worth it.


End file.
